Writings Of the Heart
by meathead
Summary: COMPLETE!A young romance novelist finds a couple of strange creatures near her home and takes them in, unaware that she would soon be involved in a love triangle that could be right out of a work of her own fiction.
1. Chapter One: Findings

Disclaimer: The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are owned by Mirage Studios, and pray that they don't kill me for messing around with their stuff! The names of the dogs belong to whatever company did _The Neverending Story_, so don't sue me either! I bow down to you all! ;0)

_I've been gone from this site for a while, not knowing if I would ever come back and write another Turtle story ever again. I was becoming discouraged with the site and the people, and just basically myself. I was writing for all the wrong reasons, and starting to fall into that trap of worrying what others thought of me, something I've done all my life. But I only started to write fan fiction for myself, to make myself happy, and I lost touch of that. Sure I love sharing my works with everyone, but when the praise monster gets a hold of you, it's turns you into a review junkie,(or 'review whore', as I called myself) and that's exactly what I had become._ _I know not everyone is going to like my work, and I need to accept that. So, just tell me to suck it up and write, and I will do just that._

_This story I have been posting up on as I have wanted to branch out a little on the more dirty side of things, but my ideas of sex and romance are intertwined, and I'm too big of a prude to type out dirty things. So I was going to test drive the story here, without the vivid sex stuff, and see how it does. It will hold a Mature rating throughout, like most of my stories have. And the female character...yeah, I know I've used the name Carrie in my other story, "Under The Skin", but I like the name, and it just seemed to fit the character. But the two girls are completely different. This one is more an extension of myself._

_Okay, with a huge ball of nerves in my stomach, I will now take a deep breath and hit the Create New Story button...Eek! Now I think I have to throw up... ;0)

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Chapter One: _Findings_

_"Oh, Luke! Why must we hide our love? I want to be with you more than anything, yet-" Jackie paused to wipe her sweaty brow. "Our families would not understand how we feel!"_

_Luke rushed over to Jackie and grabbed her in a tight embrace. " I know, my dear. But we will find a way! I promise you!"_

_Jackie patted Luke's clammy skin and stared deep into his clear blue eyes. "Make love to me, Luke. I want to be with you once more before you leave."_

_He wasted no time in undressing her, covering her hot milky skin in kisses as he tugged at her loose clothing. Jackie followed suit, stripping her lover with an intense excitement, the sweat dripping off of their bodies from the heat of the noon day sun._

_Luke placed one last deep kiss on Jackie's lips before he lowered her down to the grass_. _The wind picked up again and sent a cool breeze toward them that made Jackie shiver, but Luke quickly placed himself on top of her, his body heat driving her to the edge of ecstacy. She then felt his hardness push its way through her legs and deep into her waiting darkness, and she moaned loudly in Luke's ear. _

_Their bodies rose and fell to a slow beat at first, and Luke was trying his hardest to keep himself from losing control. He wanted to enjoy every moment like it was their last, but the smells raising from her body and the growls from deep within her throat were pushing his limits. He began to pump faster, and Jackie responded to his increasing tempo._

_"Oh, Luke," Jackie whispered. "That is so-_

Carrie stopped in the middle of her sentence and sat rigid in her chair. Her fingers were frozen over the keyboard, her eyes wide with fear. She looked around the study, straining her ears to find the source of the loud, echoing boom that had just come from the woods behind her house. Carrie then slowly rose to her feet and headed for the window, kneeling on the bench that sat beneath it, and listened again. In the distance she could make out the faint sound of barking dogs, and she knew right away it was her beloved German Shepherds.

Scared that the dogs where in the path of a local hunter, Carrie threw her thin framed glasses onto the desk and hurried down the stairs, grabbing her powder blue wind jacket from the coat rack as she scurried outside into the night air. It wasn't until she reached the edge of the woods when Carrie cursed herself for not having brought a flashlight, but the moon was full and bright above her, and she could clearly make out the path that she and her dogs walked every day.

"Atreyu! Artex!" Carrie shouted, her worrying pushing her state of fear aside. Her dogs were her best friends, and she would gladly give her life to save theirs if there was some crazy psycho in the woods that had a craving for dog meat. She called them again, only to be answered by more barking, and then a growling noise that Carrie knew do not come from her canines.

A large clearing came into her line of sight, and she could make out the silhouettes of the dogs. Carrie couldn't make out what they were barking at, but she knew that it was probably some poor defenseless woodland animal they had drove up a tree again.

"Hush, you two! Come here!"

Atreyu, the tri-colored brown Shepherd, responded first, giving up on his barks and trotted back to his master. Carrie knelt down and patted the dog's head, then looked back up at the other one.

"Artex! That's enough!"

The white Shepherd ignored her master's wish and continued to hold her ground. Carrie moved closer to the dog and gave the stubborn beast a smack on her hind quarters.

"I said that's enough, young lady!" Carrie pulled the dog back. "I don't know what poor creature you've got treed or whatever, but you're making a huge racket! Go back to the house!"

Artex looked at Carrie, then back at the massive lump hidden among the trees, the moon flickering in the canines' blue eyes. Carrie growled impatiently at the dog, then turned to walk away, but was stopped when Artex let out a sudden whimper and dashed around Carrie to hide behind her brother. Carrie felt the hair on the back of her neck stand up, knowing that the animal her dogs had discover was still behind them. She could hear it breathing, its breaths coming out in short puffs like it was having a hard time getting the air in and out. Carrie's first thought was to walk away, but she wouldn't be able to sleep knowing that she didn't help the injured animal, and her heart was breaking even more as she listened closer to the shallow breathing.

Carrie turned around, her layered blonde hair whipping into her gray eyes, and she moved slowly toward the dark lump on the forest floor. She squinted, seeing only a faint outline of the creature's body in the moonlight, but it was enough to know that the animal was very large and had no fur, and Carrie couldn't stop the sickening fear that crept through her as her vivid imagination began to run away with her. She knelt down, reaching her hand out cautiously, hoping that the animal wouldn't bite it off. The hot breath of the creature hit her palm, and Carrie winced as she hit a thick layer of bare skin, which felt smooth and cold to the touch. The breathing then stopped, and Carrie quickly turned her hand away as the animal moaned and moved around.

"Oh my..." Carrie whispered as the moonlight captured a set a brownish-green plates on the creatures back as it twisted over onto its side, making the same growling noise that she had heard moments ago.

"No! Stay...away..."

Carrie fell back onto her bottom and scooted backward, her eyes getting bigger by the second. The fact that the creature was able to speak only made her curiosity grow, and she pushed herself back up to her knees, leaving her fear behind on the forest floor. She moved slowly back to the animal, then began to reach out to touch the hard shell on the creature's back, but stopped when a loud rustling noise erupted from the tree tops. Carrie glanced up, but was unable to see what suddenly flung her back into the dirt as it landed between her and the injured animal.

A cloud passed over the moon as Carrie pushed herself back up to a sitting position, her arms supporting her upper body. Even though it had become darker, Carrie was still able to make out the shape of the large animal that had pushed her down. It stood just an inch taller than her tiny 5'5 frame, and seemed to be very muscular all over. Brown padding covered the knees and elbows, a belt of some sort wrapped around the creature's waist that also carried a connecting piece that stretched across the chest and over the back. The slight early Fall breeze caught the ends of the blue piece of fabric that sat over the creature's eyes, which were narrowed at Carrie in a look that gave the young girl chills. The cloud soon passed, shining its light down on the scene once again, and Carrie let out a loud gasp as the light caught the ends of a pair of swords that were pointed right into her face. The metallic shimmer ran up the long length of the swords and flashed into the creatures' large brown eyes, showing Carrie there was just a hint of fear and concern mixed in with the threatening anger.

"Just stay back," The creature suddenly spoke in a calmed, hushed tone, the point of the sword shaking ever so slightly before it disappeared. The darkness engulfed Carrie's eyesight once more, but she tried her best to strain her ears to pick up the sounds the two creatures were making. She heard the dirt and leaves under them shuffle around, then stop, and Carrie knew that the one that had held the sword to her face was trying his best to pick the other one up, and was having no luck in the venture.

The scent of blood grew strong as the cold wind picked up again, causing Carrie to shiver again. The temperature outside was dropping rapidly, and if Carrie guessed right, the two animals in front of her were going to freeze to death if they couldn't get to a warmer shelter right away. Carrie swallowed the lump of fear in her throat and slowly stood up, her full bottom lip opening to speak, but the two creatures were already engrossed in a hushed conversation of their own.

"Come on, Raphael. We've got to get you out of here."

Carrie took a step closer, ignoring the creatures' warning to keep away.

"Can't move...Leo. Fuck, it hurts."

"I know, Raph. Just hang on to me. I'll pull you up."

The shuffling increased, only to be followed by a slumping movement that thudded against the forest floor. Carrie took another step, peering through the darkness at the creatures, both of them now on the ground.

"Dammit, Leo! How the hell... are ya gonna move me if ya... can't even move... yerself?"

"I'm fine. I can do this. I just need to-"

The talking stopped abruptly, and Carrie realized that she had been found out.

"I told you to stay back!" The blue masked creature stumbled forward, his hand ready to pull the sharp weapon back out.

"No, wait!" Carrie found her voice and threw her hands up in front of her face. The creature halted, his eyes frozen in shock at the girl's outburst. Carrie took in a deep breath, knocked the crazy thought of talking to aliens out of her head, and began to speak in a quiet and calm manner.

"Look, I don't want to hurt you. Please, if anything, let me help you. My house is just a half a mile from here. If you want, I could-"

"Fuck off, lady!" The creature on the ground yelled. "We don't need...any...help..."

"Raphael!" The blue masked animal spun around, catching the other as he passed out and fell back to the cold ground. And as the creature sat there holding the other one in his arms, he looked back up at Carrie, who was offering a sincere smile.

"Please, let me help."

It was a long walk back to the house, and Carrie felt like her arms were about to give out as she sat down on the side of the guestroom bed, the first aid kit in her lap. Even though her brain was fast at receiving information, she knew it could take her weeks to add up all of the strange things that had come to pass in just the last hour. She had helped the blue masked creature pull the other one up, placing his limp arms across their shoulders, and they had to practically drag the unconscious beast back through the woods and up the stairs in the guestroom. The blue masked creature, which turned out to be a oversized turtle once they reached some light, as Carrie had suspected, had stopped and let Carrie rest during the trip back, but Carrie figured it was more for himself than anything. But as Carrie regained her breath and stared at the two giant turtles that were now occupying her guestroom, the extent of their injuries was more than Carrie's wild imagination could ever come up with.

The one passed out on the bed, his brother, as the other one called him, was sporting cuts and bruises all over his green skin, but the deep gash that ran down his side and cut across into his chest plates scared Carrie the most. Carrie knew she could sew the wound, she was no doctor, and even if she did stitch up the wound herself, the amount of blood the turtle had lost would keep him out for days, possibly weeks. That is, if he survived.

The other turtle was also torn up, but he seemed not to care about his own wounds, but had allowed Carrie to tend to them anyway. He held onto his brother's injured hand, his expressive brown eyes looking for any signs that his brother would wake up. It was only when he noticed the human sitting across from him was staring at him that he made a sound.

"Please don't do that," his voice coming out calmer than he felt inside. "I know my appearance is strange, but now is not the-,"

"No, it's not," Carrie interrupted as she quickly looked away and focused back on sewing the wound shut. "I've dreamed of stranger things." A cold look from under the blue mask made Carrie rethink her words. "Not to say that you're weird. I mean, I probably look strange to you."

The turtle narrowed his eyes in confusion. "I've seen humans before. Did you think I was an alien or something?"

"No, no, not at all," Carrie lied, lowering her gray eyes again. " I just- oh, never mind." She then sighed heavily and continued her work, knowing that it was now the turtle who was staring at her. Another shiver ran across her, and thoughts of the turtle creature attacking her played around in her mind. But she kept on working, and after an hour and three broken needles, the wound was sewed up. Carrie leaned back and stretched her arms into the air, the muscles in her back crying out in pain as she moved. The other turtle had laid his head down as Carrie worked, drifting in and out of a much needed rest, but it shot back up as Carrie moved of the bed.

He inspected Carrie's handwork closer, then stood up and stretched his own aching body.

"I think all he needs is rest now," Carrie replied, then smile as the standing turtle yawned. "Looks like both of you need some rest."

"I'm fine." Was the only answer the turtle gave, his voice still the same calm pitch as before.

"Would you like something to drink? Eat maybe?" Carrie asked as she moved toward the door. When no answer was given, Carrie stopped and turned around, and had to stop herself from laughing out loud. The blue masked turtle had taken the spot that she had just vacated and had curled up on the bed, pressing himself against his brother to keep him warm. Carrie just let the smile take over her face as she turned off the light and closed the door, leaving just a slight crack to where she could hear them if they stirred.

Carrie moved back across the hall to her study, the computer screen still showing the almost forgotten romance novel she had been working on. But after several tries to get back into her work, Carrie gave up and turned the computer off and headed downstairs to make a cup of tea.

With the steaming cup in her hands and her beloved canines at her feet, Carrie sat on the porch of her two-story farmhouse and gazed into the clear October night sky. The realizations of past events had finally caught up with her, and she was now beginning to believe that her once boring existence had taken an unexpected turn, and as scared as she was of her new' house guests', Carrie couldn't wait to find out what this new experience would bring into her life.


	2. Chapter Two: Bonds

Chapter Two: Bonds

"No _way_ am I sending this mess out, Barry! It's a complete piece of crap!"

Carrie shrieked into the phone, which was balanced between her shoulder and her cheek, while her hands were occupied at dusting the top of her oak entertainment center.

"Come on, Carrie," she heard the deep voice of her editor say over the sounds of the city subway. "You've had months to work on this! How bad could it be?"

" Besides the fact that I'm not even _done_ with the damn thing, it's-,"

"What!" Barry's voice boomed, causing Carrie to lose her hold on the phone. After regaining it back to it's cradled spot, she could still hear Barry's well known temper flaring up.

"-can't _believe_ you! You can't get another extension! What the Hell am I going to tell the publishers? You know this could cost you your contract! This is-,"

"Barry!" Carrie snapped back. "Calm down! I can get it done before the 19th, okay? It's not a big deal! Just chill out!"

The roar of the subway met her ear for a few seconds before Barry's voice leveled out. "What could be so important as to keep you from getting this book done?"

Carrie was about to answer when the creaking of the stairwell pulled her attention away from the layer of dust. Her eyes meet the brown ones of the blue masked turtle, his arms crossed over his chest as if he was cold, and it took Barry a few tries before Carrie responded to him.

"I've been... distracted." She blankly stated. "Look, I gotta go. Call me when you get into town, okay?" And she hung up the phone before her editor could say otherwise.

The two stood their ground for a long time, neither one knowing what to say. Carrie inhaled deeply and set the dusting supplies down, the phone following after, and she made the first attempt to talk.

"Is everything alright?"

The turtle narrowed his eyes at the phone, his voice almost in a whisper. "Who was that?"

Carrie looked at the phone, then back at the turtle, feeling like a kid whose hand was caught in the cookie jar. "Who? Barry? He's-he's my editor. I swear, I said nothing about you."

Carrie then decided to quickly change the subject. "Are you cold? Here, sit down on the couch and use this blanket." She moved over to the plush white and blue plaid sofa and pulled the pale yellow afghan from its place on the arm of the matching love seat.

The turtle hesitated again, seeming to be weighing all of his options. But after giving in to a visible shiver, he finally moved to the couch and sat down, allowing Carrie to cover him up, but keeping his eyes on her the entire time.

"How long have I been asleep?" He asked, cuddling up under the fuzzy blanket.

"About four days," Carrie said as she moved back to the entertainment center. " I've been checking up on you every day, about every six hours."

A sudden silence filled the room, pounding heavily into Carrie's ears as she waited for another question, but none came. She could feel the turtle watching her again, studying her, and it was making her visibly uncomfortable.

"Are you hungry?" She gathered up her cleaning supplies and darted past the stairs toward the kitchen. "How about something hot to drink?"

Still no answer came from the turtle, and Carrie gave up. She figured that if he wanted to speak, he would. Pushing him to respond was defiantly not working. She pulled a black coffee cup down from the cabinet and filled it with the still-hot water from her tea kettle, adding a teaspoon of sugar and a green tea bag. While the tea simmered, Carrie opened her food pantry, and became suddenly dumbfounded. She had no idea what to feed a giant turtle, and her organic lifestyle was not exactly the most appealing to most people. But then again, this turtle wasn't human. She decided on a box of organic wheat crackers, closed the pantry, and carried the crackers and the tea back into the living room.

The turtle was standing by the window, staring out into the open field beyond Carrie's home. The blanket was still wrapped around his broad shoulders, and the afternoon sunlight glinted off of his smooth, grass green colored skin. Carrie quietly set the tea and crackers down on the glass coffee table and moved next to him, staying back far enough so not to startle him.

"Where are we?" the turtle asked, his voice still hushed.

"Um, you are in the Adirondack Mountains, about five miles away from the town of Lake Placid." Carrie moved a little closer to the window and extended a sharp fingernail toward the high peak in the distance. " That's Mount Marcy, New York State's highest point."

The turtle said nothing, but nodded slowly, and Carrie relaxed a little. The turtle had also seemed to unclench his nerves, and he turned back to the couch, slowly sitting down and taking the cup of tea into his hands. Carrie then swore she saw the creature smile as he inhaled the scent of the tea leaves and took in a small sip. She joined him, taking a spot on the love seat, and saw no harm in continuing the conversation.

"I'm Carrie, by the way."

The turtle paused in talking another sip and bowed his head. "Leonardo."

Carrie raised a blonde eyebrow at the name. "Are you serious?"

The turtle paused again, copying Carrie's curious expression almost exactly. "Is it hard for you to believe that I was named after a great Renaissance painter?"

"No, I- I just-," Carrie stumbled over her words as her embarrassment grew. "I just didn't expect that." After receiving a reassuring smile from the turtle, Carrie tried her luck with a small joke. "What's your brother's name? Michelangelo or something?"

Her laughter was cut short as Leonardo gave her a blank answer. "I have a brother named that, but that's not the one upstairs."

"Oh, okay," Carrie sunk down into the cushions and pulled a pillow into her lap, as if trying to hard herself. Leonardo took note of her action and began to chuckle at her.

"And to save you from further embarrassment, his name is Raphael."

Carrie smiled and bit at her bottom lip, enjoying the friendly sound of Leonardo's laughter. "That was my next guess."

As Leonardo sipped at the tea and broke into the box of crackers, Carrie could sense that he was becoming comfortable around her, which came to her as a relief, for she had a head full of questions that needed to be answered, and now that the ice had officially been broken, Carrie took the opportunity. But it seemed that Leonardo also had the same thing in mind.

"So, you're a writer?" he asked as he read the back of the cracker box.

Carrie pushed her right hand through her blonde hair, the bangs coming back to hit the tops of her cheeks. "If you want to call it that. I prefer the term 'cheap porn producer'."

Leonardo slowly rose his eyes back to Carrie, his face frozen in disgusted shock. "Excuse me?"

"I write romance novels." Carrie explained. "Nothing too explicit, just enough to keep those lonely housewives warm at night. I hate the stuff myself, but it was the best way to break into the business so I could shop my novel around."

The turtle set down the box and titled his head slightly. " How old are you?"

Carrie was taken aback by Leonardo's question. "Well, how old are _you_?"

Leonardo laughed. " Okay, I see. Wrong thing to ask. Sorry."

"No, really, I'm serious." Carrie scooted forward a bit. " I know turtles live like a hundred years, so-."

"Okay, so I'm not an alien anymore?" Leonardo came back, adding another laugh.

Carrie growled and whipped her eyes to the ceiling. "I never said you were an alien."

Leonardo slowed his laughter and became serious once more. "I'm 23, as is my brother."

"In human years?" Carrie joked, only getting a eye roll in return. "Sorry. Couldn't resist. I'm 25."

"You still have plenty of time to get your book published then." Leonardo mirrored Carrie's bright smile, then went back to his tea.

"Where are you from?" Carrie jumped in, not letting the turtle distract her again. "And if you say Mars, I'm leaving!"

Leonardo held back his laughter and shook his head. "Manhattan."

"Manhattan?" Carrie repeated. "What in the world are you doing way up here?"

"Me and Raph-," Leonardo began, but suddenly stopped, not wanting to reveal so much so fast. " I really don't know."

Carrie knew right away from the sudden tension that Leonardo didn't want her to know, so she quickly moved on. "You have more brothers, you said?"

"Yes, two more back in the city," he paused, then let out a sigh. " And my father." The tension turned into sadness, and Leonardo stared into his tea. "I hope they are all okay."

The silence returned, and Carrie felt she had bothered the turtle enough for now. She began to stand up and head for the stairs when Leonardo spoke again, pulling her back to face him.

"You really don't seemed to be bothered with my appearance."

Carrie shrugged her shoulders. "Well, I will admit that I was freaked out. It's not everyday I find giant turtles wondering around in the woods." No laugh came from the turtle this time, only a small nod. "But, my imagination is pretty much overactive, so seeing something like you would be like coming up with a character for my book. Only, not so green."

Leonardo smiled again, then locked his eyes into Carrie's. "Thank you- for everything you've done."

"It's nothing," Carrie blushed. "And you're welcome to stay as long as you like. I don't get too many visitors around here, and my nearest neighbor is four miles away so no one will bother you, or even know you exist for that matter."

Leonardo nodded again. "I'm afraid we might be here for awhile. Raph's condition is really bad, and with winter coming, I don't know if we could even make it back to the city before the snow hits."

" Yeah, that could be a problem," Carrie sat down on the arm of the couch and folded her hands into her lap. "Our first snowfall is only a few days away. Winter comes early up here."

"And Raph is_ not_ going to like being stuck here." Leonardo added, almost talking to himself.

"Why is that?" Carrie asked.

"My brother, he-," Leonardo thought a little before finishing his sentence. "Let's just say that my brother is less trustworthy of humans than I am."

Carrie couldn't stop her eyes from expanding as she thought about how cold Leonardo had been to her just days before. "If that's the case, you guys might enjoy the barn better. It's heated so you won't freeze." She then stood up and moved back to the stairs. "I'll go check on him, then I'll come back down and get you some soup. I've got a pot heating up on the stove so-"

"No, wait!" Leonardo jumped up from the couch, leaving his blanket behind him and the tea on the table. "I'll go with you, just in case he wakes up."

Carrie let Leonardo go in front of her as they climbed the steep staircase. "Is he really _that_ bad?"

Leonardo turned the doorknob of the guestroom and slowly pushed it back. "You have _no_ idea."


	3. Chapter Three: Hostility

Chapter Three: Hostility

_"We must leave here at once, my sons! This battle is becoming too much for us!"_

_" But, where, Master? They'll find us no matter where we go!"_

_Another loud boom echoed from outside the lair and Splinter pulled his sons in closer. "You must obey my wishes, Leonardo! Take your brothers and flee this place!"_

_The sound increased, drowning out the rest of Splinter's words, and they were all thrown back as the explosions broke through the front door. _

_As Raphael laid trapped under the remnants of concrete and plaster, he cried out in pain, then again in anger. The worst fears of his family had come true, and he cursed himself for not taking action to save them._

_But, in the distance, he heard the gentle voice of his oldest brother calling out his name, and Raphael realized that there was still hope that they would all be together again._

"Raphael?"

The red banded turtle forced his brown eyes open, only to close them again as the filtered light from a window burned his retinas. He tried again, allowing them to focus first before searching for the voice he had heard in his dream state.

"Leo?" His voice broke through his dry throat, making his Brooklyn accent come out even deeper.

"I'm here, bro. Everything is fine. You're okay now."

He then felt Leonardo's hand wrap around his own, and a smile broke out along his face. But, it only lasted a few seconds before the pain of his injuries caught up with him.

"Ah, shit...,"

"Don't move, Raph." Leonardo held his brother's shoulder down.

"Where's-where's Mikey?" Raphael cried out, not realizing he was still delirious from the loss of blood. "And Donny? Master Splinter? Where are they!"

"Raph! Calm down!" Leonardo then grabbed Raphael's other shoulder and used his short amount of strength to restrain him. "Don't move around so much."

"Wait a second," Raphael stopped his excited squirming and finally took in his surroundings. "Where the Hell are we!" His eyes darted across the pale rose colored walls and the deep brown dresser and matching armoire, and stopped at the cream curtains behind Leonardo's head, almost disgusted by the feminine feel of the room. "Am I dead or somethin'?"

"No, you're not dead," Leonardo sighed, shaking his head.

Raphael moaned in pain as he shifted his weight around, hating the feel of the soft mattress under his shell. "Coulda fooled me." He then lifted his hand up higher. "Here, help me sit up."

Leonardo eyes the bandages that were strung across Raphael's lower abdomen and threw his brother a worried look. "I don't think that's a good idea."

"Like ya have the right ta tell me about good ideas at this point, Leo," Raphael growled back, narrowing his brow. "Just help me sit up or I'll do it myself!"

The tension between the two turtles grew for a moment before Leonardo placed his hands behind Raphael's shell and gently pushed him up, stacking pillows against the headboard to support him. Leonardo sat back down on the side of the bed and stared out the window, losing himself in his thoughts, but was suddenly brought back when Raphael's voice rose even higher.

"Ya let her bring us ta her house! Leo, what the fuck were ya thinkin'?"

Leonardo whipped his head around, almost forgetting Carrie was still standing in the doorway of the guestroom, and it was obvious that her curiosity was now overcome with fear and hurt as Raphael's harsh tone echoed in her head.

"After everythin' we've been through, I can't believe ya would allow another _human_ ta see us! How do ya know she doesn't work for them?" Raphael then turned his attention back to the blonde in the doorway. " I shoulda broken yer neck when I had the chance ta!"

"Raphael! That's enough!" Leonardo stood up, his fists clenched tightly, and his attempt to keep calm was failing fast. "She was trying to help us! You would have been _dead_ if wasn't for her!"

"Well, tell me were ta sign the Thank You card!" Raphael yelled back in a sarcastic tone.

"I can't believe how inconsiderate you are!" Leonardo rose his voice to match the volume of his brother. "You don't even care that she risked her own _life _to save us!"

"Is that supposed ta make me feel better?" Raphael let out a short laugh. " After leavin' our bros and father behind, is this yer way of makin' up for things? By lettin' some blonde bimbo lock us up in her house!"

Carrie inhaled sharply, taking Raphael's attention from his brother. His eyes glowed with an angry fire, almost burning right into Carrie' soul, and she wanted nothing more than to flee back down the stairs, which was also something Raphael was more than happy to help her with.

"What are _you_ lookin' at?" His fiery irises narrowed in size.

"Uh, nothing. I-I just-," Carrie stammered, her voice cracking.

"Nothin', huh?" Raphael smiled wickedly. "Then how about ya do me a favor and- _get the hell outta here_!"

Carrie wasted no time as she backed out of the doorway and dashed down the stairs, brushing the tears from her face as she scurried away. Leonardo shut his eyes, then reopened them as he moved away from the bed. He stared back out the window, his mouth twisted into a disapproving frown, and his fists were still clenched tightly. Raphael saw the stern expression on his brother's face and knew right away Leonardo was not happy with his outburst.

"What!" Raphael yelled defensively. " You got somethin' else ta say ta me?"

Leonardo let out a sigh, then moved toward the door as he spoke in a calm, quiet voice. "I'll be back with something to eat. Carrie made soup."

"I ain't eatin' nothin' that broad makes!" The red clad turtle screamed as Leonardo walked out of the door. "She probably poisoned the shit!"

"Whatever," Leonardo muttered under his breath, only to curse himself for suddenly talking like his hot-tempered brother. He stumbled furiously back down the steps, his bare feet letting out heavy thuds as he moved back to the living room, searching for Carrie. But as soon as he stepped onto the blue carpeting, it soon became apparent to Leonardo that the fury of anger that was upstairs had dashed past him on the stairs and was now banging dishes around in the kitchen.

He neared the doorway and stood silently under the archway that led to the green ivy-decorated kitchen, and watched Carrie intensely as she nosily threw plates, pots and silverware around in the black dishwasher, her hands shaking as she worked.

"Carrie?"

She stopped when Leonardo spoke and grabbed the edge of the sink, leaning her weight against the chrome as she tried to steady her nerves. Leonardo took note of her tense body and cautiously moved into the kitchen behind her.

"Look, about what Raph said, he's still a little-,"

"Maybe I _should_ have just left the two of you out there!" Carrie shouted as she spun around and glared at Leonardo under her blonde bangs. "I don't even know what the Hell I was thinking!"

"What? No, Carrie, listen," Leonardo held up his open palms, still in shock by her sudden mood swing. "Don't take anything my brother said to heart. He just-,"

"You know, my life, as boring and lonely as it may be, was _fine_! Now, all of the sudden, I've got two giant _talking_ animals under my roof, one of which, is a complete_ ass_, and I have no _fucking_ idea why there are even here in the first place!"

It was then that Leonardo noticed Carrie's shoulders shaking and the tears that ran down her flushed cheeks. She slid down the cabinets and hit the linoleum, gathering up her knees into her arms and laying her head into her lap. Leonardo sighed again as he shook his head and almost laughed at the fact that Carrie was just as emotionally unstable as his high-strung brother upstairs was, and it was getting hard to be the only sane one in the house.

"I'm so sorry," Carrie lifted her tear streaked face up as Leonardo took a seat across from her. "I just- I just don't understand any of this! And... what did you mean when you told Raphael that _I_ risked _my_ life to save you guys? Am I in danger? No one is going to come to my house and kill me, are they?"

"Is that why you're upset?" Leonardo asked, thankful that Carrie could at least talk things out unlike his brother. "Because of what I said?"

Carrie nodded. " Look, I wasn't going to ask you anything about who you guys are or how you ended up here, but I think I need to know what I'm dealing with if my life is in danger."

"Sounds fair," Leonardo bowed his head. " I owe it to you." He stood back up, offering his hand to Carrie, who took it slowly, still giving in to the doubt and mistrust in the back of her mind.

"Do you mind if I eat something while I talk?" Leonardo pointed to the large stainless steel pot on the gas stove. " I'm feeling a little nauseated."

"Oh, yeah. Sorry." Carrie jumped right on her task, grabbing two deep bowls from the cabinets and filling them with the hot contents from the stove. Leonardo followed her into the dining room and took a seat across from her at the light colored oak table. The turtle stared into the steam and inhaled the rich, salty chicken scent of the broth before taking a small bite.

"It's good. Did you make this yourself?" Leonardo asked, trying to control his raving appetite and not eat too fast.

"Yeah. Everything in there is one hundred percent organic." Carrie replied proudly. "I don't buy that canned stuff." She then cleared her throat and raised her eyebrows at the turtle. "Well?"

Leonardo stopped his spoon in mid-air and let out a tiny chuckle. "Right, the explanation. Sorry." He leaned back, stretching his muscular arms above his head, then brought them back down into his lap. "I guess the best place to start is at our beginning."

"Your _beginning_?" Carrie repeated curiously.

Leonardo smiled, then took in a deep breath and began his story.

After three hours and five bowls of soup between the two of them, Carrie had finally made up her mind that she was neither dreaming nor going crazy after all. She felt as if she was caught up in a work of fiction, a fairy tale-like story that was too good to put down, and she hung onto Leonardo's every word, memorized by the life he and his brothers had lived.

"It's just so-_amazing_!" She gasped. "I don't think I could ever come up with anything that creative if I tried!"

"Creative?" Leonardo chuckled.

"Sorry. 'Author talk', I guess." Carrie leaned forward on her elbows and brushed her hair away from her face. "Okay, so now that I'm caught up on your background, what happened that brought you and Raphael up here?"

Leonardo wrinkled his brow, letting his eyes drift to the empty bowl that still sat in front of him, and he had a moment to himself before he spoke again.

"Have you ever heard of the E.P.F.?"

"The what?" Carrie asked, feeling a bit dumbfounded.

"E.P.F.," Leonardo repeated. " The Earth Protection Force. It's a top secret government organization that was set up to control the alien life on Earth."

Carrie stared at him blankly, then began to laugh. "Alien life? That's a good one!" She continued to giggle until she noticed that Leonardo wasn't joining in. She quieted down and inhaled deeply. "Okay, you're not joking. But if you tell me you really _are_ an alien-."

Leonardo was about to defend himself once more when he noticed the playful grin on Carrie's face, and it only made him smile more. "Cute. Anyway, the E.P.F. is run by a man by the name of Bishop, and he is by far one of the most ruthless enemies we've ever gone up against. He been chasing after us for years, and he has been lucky enough to capture us a few times."

"What does he want with you?" Carrie asked, knowing she was getting sucked back into his story.

"Our DNA," Leonardo wiped at a spot on the table's surface with his index finger. "And the chance to dissect us. He had become more interested in Master Splinter, since he is the only one of his kind, and we've had to rescue our Master from him more than once."

"What does he plan on doing with your DNA?" Carrie folded her arms on laid her head down, her eyes still fixated on the turtle.

"Cloning. My brother Donatello would be better at explaining this, but, he was making an army of super human clones that were designed to flush out the aliens living on Earth and kill them off. The only thing was that Bishop was also hatching a plan to destroy half of life on Earth in the process."

Carrie's head shot back up. "Holy shit."

Leonardo suddenly let out a laugh and shook his head. "Yeah, those were Raph's exact words too."

"So, I'm guessing none of that happened because we're all still here, right?" Carrie pressed on, ignoring the flush in her cheeks.

"Right. We stopped his plans, but that didn't stop him from coming after us again and again. He had us followed and watched. Everywhere we went, someone was always there tracking our every move." Leonardo's eyes fell back down, and the sadness he had been carrying in his eyes returned suddenly. " After years of watching us, he discover where we lived, and we had no idea he was coming. Even the alarms Donnie had set up in the sewers gave us no warning.

It was late in the evening, and Splinter was giving us our nightly lesson, our same routine we had been doing for twenty three years. A rumble from a far distance shook the floor, and we took it as another pipeline bursting, something that happens every so often. But only the rumbling kept growing, the blasts getting louder. We all knew something wasn't right, and our worst fears had come true when we walked out of the front entrance to the lair and found Bishop's E.P.F. army, armed with the most highly advance weaponry any of us had ever seen.

Splinter pulled us back, closing the door behind us. We all knew we were trapped, and- Splinter, he- he tried to tell me to take my brothers out through the elevator-,"

Carrie saw a tear run down Leonardo's green cheek and it only made her heart ache even more.

"I just..._stood_ there." He continued, letting a few more teardrops fall. "I couldn't think of- _anything_! I just stood there and let Bishop's men blast through the door and turn our home into nothing more than a pile of rubble. I dug my way through the fallen bricks, hoping I could find my family through the thick smoke. Raph was the only one I was able to pull free. I... I couldn't stay long enough to find the others."

"Oh, Leonardo, I'm so sorry." Carrie resisted the urge to grab the turtles's shaking hands, not wanting to give into her emotions, and offered him a sad smile instead.

"Raph was hurt, and I wasn't in good shape either, so all I could was pull him into the elevator and hope that Bishop hadn't beaten us up to the surface. Once we were in the warehouse, Raph insisted we take his bike, citing it was faster and less noticeable. I protested him driving, knowing that he had a concession, but he brushed it off and started up the bike anyway. As soon as we pulled out of the warehouse, Bishop and his men was right on our tails in a huge black van with three more behind him. But somewhere along the interstate, we lost them, but as tired as we were, we knew we had to keep going.

After driving all day with only brief stops, I made Raph pull the bike over so I could drive for awhile, even though I had no idea where we could go. The sun was beginning to set, and after noticing that we were in the middle of a thick, dark forest, we deciding on pulling the bike farther into the woods and getting some sleep. I grabbed the bike's handles and veered it off the road, Raph was just a few yards ahead of me, and I don't think either one of us saw the lights that suddenly appeared behind us until it was again too late.

Bishop had found us and he had brought a vehicle that resembled a tank, which was armed with a huge cannon. We already knew that the cannon shot out a ray of light that could paralyze us both, so we did our best to run. It hit the bike first, ripping it out of my hands and flung it into the darkness. It then struck me, sending me into the truck of a tree and knocked the wind out of me. I regained myself quickly, but found the tank had vanished, and I was scared that they had taken Raph.

I moved through the trees, relying on my heightened ninja senses to get me through, ignoring the cold air that was starting to set in. The moonlight seemed to come out all at once, and it hit the metal fender of Raph's bike. I moved closer to the bike and realized that it had actually became lodged into the trunk of an enormous tree from the blast, but I wasn't ready to see that the bike had pinned Raph against that same tree. The scent of blood hit my nose, and after seeing his head and arms laying motionless across the bike's seat, I feared that I had lost him. I went ahead and pulled the bike free from him and the tree, and I was more than happy to find that he was still breathing, but his injuries- well, you saw how bad it was."

Carrie said nothing, only nodded her head and let Leonardo continue on.

"I knew that Bishop would be back for us, so I threw Raph over my shoulders and just ran, not knowing where I was going. I had become hurt myself, and after a while, carrying Raph was becoming too much for me to handle. I sat him down, remembering there was a small clearing nearby, and told him to keep still while I went in search of shelter." Leonardo then gave Carrie a sheepish smile. "I, uh, actually found your house and was going to hide him in your barn, but I startled your dogs and they chased me back into the woods."

"Oh really?" Carrie said with a laugh as she crossed her arms over her pale blue T-shirt.

Leonardo shrugged, then let out a sigh. " I just wish there was some way to find out if Splinter and my brothers are okay."

"Can you call them?" Carrie offered as she stood up and collected the dishes from the table.

"No, too risky." Leonardo also stood up and stretched again. "If Bishop has them, then he could trace the signal back to this phone."

"What about your human friends? April and, what was his name? Casey?"

Leonardo followed Carrie back into the kitchen and held his arms over his chest and watched her pour cleaner into the dishwasher, his expression finally showing the worry he had been hiding. "I'm sure Bishop has them under surveillance too. Everyone was are friends with could be in danger."

Carrie shut the dishwasher, locked it, then hit the start button. She looked into Leonardo's face and felt as if her heart was going to burst out of her chest. She then forgot all of her fear and mistrust, and shocked the turtle by throwing her arms around his neck and hugging him tightly, wanting nothing more than to make him feel better. Leonardo stood still, not knowing how to respond to her sudden emotional outburst. The only human, or girl, for that matter, who had ever shown him any kind of affection had been April. Even though he was slowly starting to fell very comfortable with Carrie, the thought of sharing in her emotions was still not something he was ready to dive into.

Carrie then noticed how rigid Leonardo had become and pulled back, her gray eyes going directly to the linoleum under her bare feet.

"Sorry." She whispered.

Leonardo wrinkled his brows together and gave Carrie a crooked smile. "You say that way too much."

"Sorry." Carrie repeated, adding another giggle. Her thoughts then jumped back to Raphael, and she re-lit the burner under the pot. " Do you think your brother will eat now?"

"If he doesn't, I'll make him," Leonardo joked, then let out a long yawn. " He needs to build his strength back-,"

Leonardo stopped talking as the high melodic tone of Carrie's doorbell rang throughout the house, which was then followed by a loud bang on the door.

"I thought you said you don't get any visitors." Leonardo whispered, jumping behind the doorway of the kitchen to hide himself.

"I don't." Carrie moved back into the dining room and peered around the corner into the living room. Leonardo then saw Carrie's bottom jaw drop in surprise.

"Oh, _shit_."

"Carrie!" Barry's voice called out from the other side of the front door. "I know you're home! Let me in! I'm freezing my ass off out here!"


	4. Chapter Four:Secrets

Chapter Four: Secrets

"What took you so long? You do realize that it's 30-some degrees out here. "

Carrie blew up her bangs and rolled her eyes at her editor. "You are such a baby. Get in here."

Barry's six foot slender frame stepped into Carrie' living room, taking time to run his fingers through his wavy black hair before removing his coat and hanging it on the rack behind the door. He then knelt down to remove his shoes, but stopped when his nose caught something in there air.

"I smell your soon-to-be-world famous chicken soup." He finished unlacing the shoes and slid them off, setting them next to the fireplace. "Did you make that just for me?"

Carrie squinted her eyes and leaned her head to one side. " Aren't _we_ full of ourselves today?"

"I always am." Barry replied with a smug smile. "You didn't answer my question, by the way. What took you so long to answer the door? You knew I would be here at five, and _you know_ that I _always_ arrive on time."

"Oh, I was, uh, upstairs," Carrie motioned with her finger to the staircase. "Working. On the book. And I, uh, had my... headphones in, and the volume turned up. Hard to hear things sometimes."

Barry eyed Carrie, noting the stammer in her voice, and he had known her long enough to know that it always appeared whenever Carrie was nervous about something.

"Oh, really?" Barry crossed one of his toned arms across his chest and tapped on his glasses. "So you wouldn't care if I went up there and looked it over then?" He pushed past Carrie and reached for the banister, suddenly feeling a hand grab a hold of his black sweater and pull him back. He turned his head over his shoulder and produced another smug smile as Carrie laughed nervously.

"How about _I_ go get it?"

Barry chuckled, then turned completely around. "Okay Girlie, what are you hiding?"

"Hiding?" Carrie said defensively. "I'm not hiding anything!"

"You got someone up there?" Barry took a step backward and peered around the banister to the upstairs hallway. "You weren't in the middle of some wild sexual act, were you?"

"No!" Carrie yelled, her nose wrinkled in disgust. "Even if I was, I wouldn't tell you!"

Barry's chuckles erupted into roaring laughter, and he placed his arm around Carrie neck. "Girlie, you kill me sometimes! I was only messing around with you!"

Carrie's jaw dropped and she pushed Barry away, and headed for the kitchen. "Asshole."

"Yes, you've said that before too!" Barry chased after her, but stopped for a brief moment when he caught the sudden slamming of the second story guestroom door. His blue eyes blinked toward the kitchen, then back up the stairs, knowing very well that his mind wasn't playing tricks on him, and he began to ascend the stairs when Carrie's voice called him back down.

"Are you going to eat or what?"

Barry strained his neck to look around the hallway behind the white banister, then moved backwards down the steps.

"Coming, my dear." And he took one last puzzled look before going on his way.

* * *

"Raph! What are you doing? Lay back down! You're going to rip your stitches apart!" 

Raphael poked his head back through the open window, one leg and half of his body still perched in the box windowsill, and glared at Leonardo, who had suddenly rushed into the bedroom and slammed the door behind him.

"Fuck that! I'm breakin' outta here!" He then pointed his finger at his brother. "If ya any sense at all, you'd come with me!" His head disappeared behind the thick drapes and Leonardo crossed his arms over his chest plates, shaking his head at Raphael's actions once more.

"Raph, you do realize that we are on the second floor and it's thirty foot drop straight down, right?"

Raphael poked his head back through and growled again. "So what? We jump across rooftops that are higher than this! Ya think I can't make it or somethin'?"

Leonardo closed his mouth, letting a smile grow, then sat down on the side of the bed directly in front of the window, bringing his legs up and crossing them. He placed his palms together and rested his chin on his fingertips, the smiled still lingering on.

"Okay, fine. Go ahead and leave." He said calmly. " I can't stop you."

"Damn right ya can't!" Raphael exclaimed. " 'Bout time ya figured that out too!"

His head vanished again, and Leonardo held his laughter back as he watched Raphael wiggle his bulky shell through the window, cursing and grumbling at the intense pains from his injury. Raphael looked around, noting that the coast was clear and ignored the bitter wind as he shuffled his rear out onto the window ledge. He looked around once more, and began to push himself off when he heard a familiar growling noise which suddenly turned into vicious barking from below him. He peered down to see the same two German Shepherds that had cornered him in the woods days before.

"Not again!" Leonardo heard Raphael yell. "I swear I'm gonna rip those dogs a new one!"

Leonardo laughed as his brother tried to push himself back through the window, only to get twisted around in the small space, and he cried out as the pull of his injury caused him more pain. Leonardo stood up and moved closer to Raphael, but showed no intention of helping his brother out.

"What's the matter? Change your mind?"

Raphael narrowed his eyes under his red mask and pressed his lips together in a deep frown. "Just shut up and help me."

"Only if you try and be a little better toward Carrie." Leonardo placed his hands on his hips. "You had no right to act the way you did and you really upset her."

The angry frown suddenly turned into a confused one. "Ya really think I give a shit if I made her cry?"

"Fine, if that's the way you feel about. Stay out there and freeze then."

"Okay, okay!" Raphael extended his arm out to Leonardo, another cold wind chilling him. "I'll _try_, all right, just help me! It's cold and the pain ain't gettin' any better, ya know!"

Leonardo smiled, glad at having won an argument for once and gently helped his brother back through the window and back onto the bed, readjusting the pillows that supported Raphael's shell before leaning him back.

"What's the deal with that you and that chick anyway, bro?" Raphael asked as Leonardo pushed him back.

"'The _deal'_?" Leonardo repeated, not knowing where Raphael was going with his question.

"Yeah, I mean, you've been defendin' her a lot." Raphael then smiled and slowly nodded his head. "Ya got a thing for her, don't ya?"

Leonardo's eyes grew wide in shock. "_Excuse_ me?"

"I can't blame ya. She's nice ta look at." Raphael's eyes drifted to the ceiling, his smile growing bigger. "From what I saw, she's got a nice fuckin' body too. Not too thin, just the right amount of curves."

"Good grief." Leonardo mumbled as he quickly stood up and went to close the window.

"I never thought yer taste in women was that great, especially after that whole thing with Karai years ago, but I think ya got a winner here."

"Don't start that again, Raph." Leonardo warned. "And quit saying I had feelings for Karai. It wasn't like that at all!"

"I'm tellin' ya, Leo," Raphael pressed on, his grin stretching across his face. "If ya would just give in and get laid, just _one _time even, ya wouldn't be so uptight anymore!"

Leonardo sighed heavily and crossed his arms over his chest. "I should have just pushed you out of that window."

Raphael cackled loudly, then winced in pain as his laughter shook his aching abdomen, but kept on smiling at the no-nonsense look his brother was casting upon him. It was then that the two turtles heard voices coming from across the hall, and Leonardo immediately threw his hand up at Raphael, waving at him to be quiet. He tiptoed across the floor and grabbed the door handle, opening it ever so slightly to see what was going on.

* * *

"So?" 

Barry set the stack of papers down and removed his glasses to rub at his tired eyes. "Well, it's not _that _bad, but-,"

"But what?" Carrie asked, feeling a knot build up in her stomach.

"Your characters, they're just-," Barry messed with his hair again as he thought. "What's the word I'm looking for? _Lost_!"

"Huh?"

Barry strode across the room and joined Carrie on the bench under the window, trying to find a way to explain himself better. "The characters, it's like they became totally different people between this book and the last. And I know that if I can see that, I know your readers will too."

"Of course they've become different people, Barry." Carrie sighed. "In the last book, Luke was sent to military school, Jackie was kidnaped by her stepfather, and they both went through some really bad things before coming back home, things that would completely change the way a person sees the world, and it put a strain on their love for each other."

If you say so," Barry stood back and let out the yawn he had been holding in. "Just maybe try and tweak them a little, just as a suggestion. And _finish_ it too, while you're at it."

Carrie hugged the pillow on her lap tighter and gazed out the window. "I'm just so sick of writing romance crap, Barry. Here I am giving the romance away to others when my life is completely void of it!" She let out a sigh, leaning her head back against the inside of the window. "Maybe I should give Mark another shot."

"Oh, don't you dare stoop that low, Girlie!" Barry wagged his finger at Carrie. "After the way that asshole treated you, how could you even _think_ of going back to him?"

"Because he was great in bed." Carrie stated half-jokingly, laughing at the disapproving pout on her editor's face. "I'm sorry, Barry. I've just lost all hope on myself. I can't even get anyone to publish my novel. It must really suck."

Barry shook his head and sat back down, trying Carrie into his arms and pulling her closer. "Now, Carrie, you know as well as I do that your novel is a _fantastic_ read! It just needs the right publisher. So stop with the self pity thing." He leaned back and brushed her hair out of her face and behind her ears, only to have a few strands fall back around her cheeks. "And don't complain about being lonely either. If you didn't sit here in this house by yourself and went out once in awhile, you'd meet someone."

Carrie pushed Barry away from her, a growl escaping her throat as she stood up. "Thanks a bunch for making me feel better. Asshole."

"Well, it's true!" Barry continued. "You have no one to blame but yourself. Maybe you have been writing romance too long. Are you expecting someone to just _show_ up on your doorstep and say 'I love you, Carrie! Be with me forever!', just like in the books? Real life doesn't work that way, Girlie, and you know it."

A sad frown appeared on Carrie's face, knowing that Barry was right. "I know. I just- after Mark, I can't trust anyone anymore! It's hard to find a guy that will want more than just sex."

"Uh, excuse me?" Barry lifted his right hand into the air and shook it around. "I'm not like that!"

"Barry, please," Carrie smiled at the false look of hurt that rested on Barry's tanned face. "You're dating an stripper."

"_Exotic dancer_, thank you." Barry corrected her, then smiled shamefully at Carrie's raised eyebrows, and he tossed his hair around. "Okay, she's a stripper." He let out another yawn and glanced at the gold watch wrapped around his right wrist. "I'm so beat. I hate flying across the ocean. Time messes with me too much."

"I hate the fact that you didn't invite _me_ to go to Paris with you!" Carrie slumped into her leather chair in front of her computer and popped her knuckles. "I'll never forgive you."

Barry chuckled. "Neither will my mother." He looked through the door across the hall and raised a finger to the guestroom. "Would you mind if I crashed here tonight? I really don't have the energy to drive into town."

"Yeah, sure. It's fine." Carrie waved him on, her eyes glued to the computer screen, and her fingers pounding away in a furious pace on the keyboard.

Barry nodded, turning back toward the door when he noticed the slight crack in the door had suddenly slammed shut again. His suspicions were growing, for he knew that a door couldn't close itself, and it only made him more determined to find out what was hiding behind it. He crossed the hallway, his hand extending out for the shiny brass doorknob and was suddenly pushed back as Carrie jumped in between him and the door.

"Actually, there's a, uh, leak! Yeah, there's a leak in the ceiling! Big mess!" Carrie spun Barry around and held onto his shoulders as she hastily shoved him back down the steps. " And the hotel in town had much better rooms than this old drafty house!"

"Wait a second, Carrie-," Barry began but was cut off as Carrie sat him down on the couch and fetched his shoes, even taking the time to kneel down to put them on his feet for him.

"And don't you think that I need some privacy so I can finish my book?" Carrie tied the shoelaces so tight that Barry felt a slight punch on each foot as she pulled him back up and placed his wool coat around his shoulders. " And some quiet? You snore really loud, you know!"

"Hang on a-," Barry tried to cut in again, but stopped when his face meet the harsh autumn wind as Carrie flung the door open and pushed him onto her front porch.

"Now remember to tell them that you know me so you can get free porn, okay? See you tomorrow!" Carrie smiled, then slammed the door in Barry's face, leaving him utterly confused about what had exactly happened in the last ten seconds.

* * *

Carrie watched through the peephole in the door, waiting until Barry's green Jaguar was at the end of her gravel driveway before jaunting back upstairs. She knocked softly, and waited until she heard Leonardo's voice before she opened the door. 

"Who was that?" Leonardo asked, peering over his shoulder, his back to her as he sat cross-legged on the bed.

"That was my editor." Carrie crossed her arms over her chest and leaned against the doorframe. "He's gone now so you can come back downstairs." Carrie then heard a low chuckle coming from the turtle in the red mask, and she rose her defenses as she remember the last encounter with him. "And what, exactly, is _so_ funny?"

"Was I talkin' ta you?" Raphael snapped back, smiling wickedly as the hurt returned to Carrie's face.

"Raph, stop it." Leonardo said quietly as he turned around and jumped to his feet. "Just ignore him, Carrie."

"Ignore me? Ha!" Raphael said with a smirk. "_He's_ the one ta look out for! Poor guy is so sexually frustrated, ya don't know what he's capable of!"

"What!" Carrie cried out, dropping her arms and giving Leonardo a horrified look while Raphael bursted out in laughter again. Leonardo flashed his brother an evil glare before moving past Carrie and down the stairs. Carrie stared at Raphael for another moment, wanting to say something, but still not knowing how to approach him, then quickly turned and left before giving him another chance to rip at her.

Raphael's laughter soon died down when he noticed the room was empty, and he was left alone with only the grumbling of his stomach to keep him company.

"Hey!" He yelled at the open door. "I thought I was gettin' somethin' to eat!" When no response came back, Raphael crossed his arms in anger and pouted. " What a crock! Prisoners get better treatment than this!"

He then heard soft footsteps ascending back up the stairs, and Carrie reappeared holding a wooden tray in her hands, being careful not to spill the hot soup or the glass of fruit juice as she placed it across Raphael's lap. Their eyes met for a brief second, neither one of them saying a word. Carrie offered the turtle a slight smile before leaving the room again, and it was only after she left that Raphael smiled back.

* * *

_Stay tuned! More to come soon!_


	5. Chapter Five: Understanding

_Thanks to everyone for the great reviews, and to those who took the time to read. I must apologize for my whiny intro on the first chapter, but there were things that I had to say, and I appreciate the kind words that FairDrea left in her review. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one who feels that way. ;0)

* * *

_

Chapter Five: Understanding

The sun had set once again, bringing the outside temperature down immensely, and Carrie watched Leonardo with much concern. She pulled her hands further into the sleeves of her sweater and bravely stepped out onto her back porch and leaned over the railing. She still felt a sense of awe as she watched him performed what he called a _kata_, something that he had told her was an everyday routine for him and his brothers. Carrie remembered watching her brother perform the exercise in his karate classes, but it was nothing like what Leonardo was doing. His movements were so fluid and so advanced that he just seemed to work effortlessly, and it made Carrie tired just watching him.

"Aren't you cold?" Carrie shook the thoughts from her head as Leonardo called out to her, bringing his leg back down and shifting his body around while hoisting one of his swords into the air, his muscles quivering as the cold air blew around him.

"I was going to ask you the same thing." Carrie pulled the sweater tighter and shivered under the same breeze.

"I'm fine." Leonardo lifted his other leg, bending it at the knee, thrusting both swords forward as he brought it back down again. "I'm able to block it out. Mind over matter." The white puffs of his hot breath were broken as his swords came back up. "Part of our training."

Carrie nodded, still admiring how skillful Leonardo was. "What did you say it was? _Ninjitsu_? I thought that stuff was only in Jackie Chan movies."

Leonardo stopped moving, one leg in the in the air and one arm bent above his head. He lowered his leg and began to laugh. "Actually, Jackie Chan uses _kung fu_. Totally different thing."

"Oh, okay," Carrie moved her eyes away, feeling ashamed for her lack of knowledge on the subject, and she quickly changed it. "I just checked on Raphael. He's still sleeping."

"Good." Leonardo slid his swords back into their scabbards. "I hate to do this to you, but would you mind keeping an eye on him while I go for a run?"

"Huh? You're kidding me, right?" Carrie batted her long eyelashes at the turtle in disbelief. "After the way he acted toward me, you're going to _leave_ me with _him_?"

Leonardo raised his brow at Carrie's angry voice and took a step back. "You're right. I'm sorry. What was I thinking? I'll just wait until Raph is healed enough to-," He then noticed Carrie was giggling and shaking her head.

"I was just kidding!" She then snorted, and laughed even harder. "I forgot to warn you that I can be _very_ sarcastic sometimes."

"Oh, great," Leonardo rolled his eyes. "Just what I need. More sarcasm. Raph's bad enough. Now I've got _two_ of him!"

Carrie sneered playfully at Leonardo. "Looks like some of it must have rubbed off on you." The turtle replied with an shrug and a slight grin. "But seriously, if you want to take off, that's fine. It'll give us to chance to 'bond'."

Leonardo bowed his head. "Thanks." He turned to leave, but suddenly remembered the rude comments his brother had mentioned earlier. "Oh, and if he tries to hit on you, you have my permission to punch him in the face."

"Huh?" Carrie wrinkled her forehead in confusion. "Did you just say-,"

"Just watch out for him." Leonardo said quickly, then took off into the darkness. Carrie watched him disappear, then called her dogs and followed them back inside, shaking off the shivers as she ventured back through the house into the warm living room. She inspected the fire, turned the logs around, and went back to her cozy spot on the floor beside the love seat where her hot mug of peppermint tea and her latest manuscript was waiting for her. Carrie placed herself on her stomach and grabbed a red marker, ready to correct the mistakes that Barry had taken the time to look over, and with every movement of the pen, she cursed her editor under her breath. After a few minutes, Carrie was beginning to feel silly as she tried find a curse word for every letter of the alphabet, giggling at the strange words she had created.

She was stuck on the letter 'Q' when she heard a strange cry from upstairs, and she suddenly remembered that it had been almost an hour since she had last checked on the injured turtle. Carrie had hoped Leonardo would be back before Raphael woke, for she was still a bit wary to face him alone. She stood slowly, eyeing the staircase, then got the idea to have the dogs follow her upstairs, so she would have some sort of protection if the turtle tried anything, even though Carrie hated feeling the way she did. She wanted them to get along like her and Leonardo had, but if Raphael was as bad as Leonardo said he was, Carrie knew she had her work cut out for her.

After a slow climb up, Carrie gathered up her courage and slowly opened the bedroom door, peeking her head around before entering the room. The bedside table lamp was on, something that she knew Raphael had done on his own, and the proof she had was finding him sprawled across the bed on his stomach, his face buried in the rose-patterned comforter.

"Why didn't you yell at me to come and do that? I would have helped you. " Carrie stayed by the doorway, her dogs sitting in front of her. Raphael raised his head, tears of pain gathered in the corners of his eyes.

"I don't _need_ help. I can do it myself."

Carrie then waited for Raphael to try and move, but he only laid his head back down and moaned loudly. Her heart felt heavy, and Carrie suddenly didn't care how mean he had been to her. She moved to the edge of the bed and knelt down beside of Raphael's head.

"Do you want me to-,"

"No...," Raphael moaned, his voice muffled by the blankets. "Just leave me alone."

"I swear!" Carrie stood up and placed her hands under Raphael's armpits. "Why is your species to proud to ask for help?" She pulled the turtle up, expecting him to be heavier than she thought, but found moving him back to the pillows was quite easy. She fluffed his backrest, then pulled the comforter back over his legs and his waist. Carrie then inspected the area around the wound, making sure the bandages were still in place and no new flow of blood had appeared.

"My species?" Raphael asked, his eyes narrowed at her bias statement. "How many _other_ mutant turtles do ya know?"

Carrie folded her arms together and laughed. " I meant because you're a _male_! Now, do you want anything else?" She then noticed Raphael was looking over her, from her pony-tailed hair, to her navy T-shirt and gray lounge pants, and all the way down to the toe socks on her feet. His stare was slow moving, almost _hungry_, and it didn't bring her any comfort at all.

"What was yer name again? Carrie, right?" Raphael asked after he had finished sizing her up.

"Yes, and you're Raphael. I already know _all_ about you." Carrie pushed her lips together, still trying to keep her defenses up.

" Just _Raph_," the turtle said blankly. "Don't have ta be so formal with me." His eyes stared at Carrie intensely, and he was surprised that she was holding the same discriminating expression on her face as he did. "So, ya think ya know all about me, huh? I'm sure Leo painted me out ta be some psychotic hothead."

Carrie wrinkled her brows together, not sure why the turtle had talked about himself in a such a manner. "No, he didn't."

"Really?" Raphael snorted out a laugh. "That's a shock! Those are usually the first words outta his mouth." His laughter triggered another shot of pain up through his chest and he gritted his teeth together.

"Do you _need_ anything?" Carrie said once again with an impatient sigh, hoping he would answer 'no' so she could leave the room. She then realized she had asked the wrong question again when Raphael arched his brow, suddenly becoming very intrigued with her inquiry.

"Well, now that you mention it...,"

Carrie's eyes grew wide as Raphael smiled wickedly and winked at her, and she scooted backward, hitting the dresser very hard with her rear end. As she turned to steady the shakes of the attached mirror, Artex lifted her tall ears, sensing the nervous reaction coming from her master, and she growled and bared her teeth at the turtle.

"Holy shit!" Raphael cried and scooted over from the edge of the bed as the dog set her paws near him and growled louder. "Hey! I was jokin', ya stupid mutt! Get away from me!" He waved his right hand at the white shepherd, but drew it back quickly as the dog snapped at it.

Carrie took a moment to giggle, hiding it behind her hand, then pulled on the dog's purple vinyl collar. "Down, Artex. It's okay, girl."

The shepherd hesitated for a few seconds, glancing back and forth between Carrie and Raphael, then finally backed away and sat directly in front of Carrie, her ice blue eyes still fixated on the turtle.

"They say dogs are a good judge of character." Carrie patted the dog's head while giving Raphael a smug smile.

"Dogs also eat their own shit, too." Raphael snapped back, braking Carrie's spiteful attitude and crushing the smile on her face. "Look, I don't need nothin', and even if I did, I ain't gonna ask _you _for it! So, get outta my face!"

"What is _wrong _with you?" Carrie yelled, her emotions overwhelming her. "I have done nothing but _helped_ you, and all you can do is act like a jerk-off about it!"

"Well, that's _who_ I am!" Raphael yelled back, his voice laced with sarcasm. "I thought ya _knew_ that already!" He then leaned forward as far as his injury would let him and pointed a finger at Carrie's face. "And I never ask ya ta bring me here either! So don't think I owe ya somethin', cause I don't owe ya _shit_!"

Carrie growled loudly, slamming her clenched fists against her sides and she turned toward the door, the dogs right at her heels.

"Why would I even ask an egoistical, self-centered _prick_ like you for _anything_, anyway?" She flung the door back, watching as it bounced hard against the wall, then grabbed the handle to pull it closed behind her. Carrie stopped suddenly and took a step back, turning around to face Raphael one more time, letting her voice go back down to its normal level.

" I was naive to hope that we could get along." She sighed, not caring that Raphael suddenly looked shocked.

And before Raphael could find his voice to comment, Carrie slammed the door and sulked back down the stairs with tears silently falling down her cheeks.

* * *

Hours later, Leonardo entered through the back door of the house, grateful that Carrie had left it unlocked for him, and he headed straight for the living room and the warm fire that burned in the fireplace. He rubbed feverishly at his forearms, cursing himself for staying out so long, but knowing the reason for it was more important than having feeling in his toes. Leonardo stopped suddenly at the base of the staircase, smiling as he noticed Carrie had fallen asleep on the living room floor in front of the fire, her red-marked manuscript spread around her. He moved closer to her and knelt down, then carefully gathered up the papers and stacked them on the coffee table. Still seated on his knees, Leonardo leaned back a little and watched Carrie's face, her eyes and mouth twitching slightly as she dreamt, and in the dim firelight, Leonardo then saw faded red lines on her cheeks, and knew at once she had cried herself to sleep. He sighed, his gut feeling hinting that his brother had caused Carrie's tears, and he jumped back to his feet and headed for the stairs, but stopped when a familiar face stared back at him.

"Raph!" Leonardo yelled in a hushed voice. "What are you doing out of bed again?"

Raphael didn't answer right away, only looked over his brother's head and into the living room, seeing only the corner of the couch and the coffee table as they glowed from the fire.

"I was just...," He stammered, then sighed impatiently. "I wanted ta talk ta Blondie. Where is she?"

"_Blondie_ is asleep at the moment." Leonardo ascended the steps, then grabbed Raphael's arm and placed it around his shoulders. "I just don't understand you, Raph. You're bouncing between good and evil, and Carrie is catching the rebounds. Why are you taking it out on her?" He held the bedroom door back with his free hand and led Raphael back toward the bed, placing him down gently before removing the scabbards from his shell and taking the other side of the bed.

Raphael turned his eyes away and looked out the window. " I'm just frustrated with all of this, Leo! I can't stand sittin' around here while Donnie, Mikey and Master Splinter are out there somewhere! And I sure as Hell hope Bishop ain't gotta hold of them, cause if he does, that son of a bitch is gonna get it!"

A few minutes of silence went by, and Leonardo leaned back against the headrest and let out a deep breath. "I went back to the main road where Bishop found us and I used my ShellCell to call them."

Raphael's eyes zipped right back to his blue-masked brother and his mouth fell open. "Leo! What the- why- how could ya do that?"

"I had too, Raph!" Leonardo sat back up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. "Do you think you're the only one who is worried about them? It was _my_ responsibility to get everyone out of there! And...and I failed."

"Leo," Raphael reached out for his brother and patted his shoulder. "You gotta stop beatin' yerself up like that. Every time somethin' goes wrong, you _always_ kick yerself in the ass and blame yerself." He yanked on Leonardo's shoulder and forced his brother to turned around and face him. "Look, I may have said some things I shouldn't, but ya know I have faith in ya. And I don't blame you for what happened. You just gotta know that _none _of us knew what was goin' on, and I don't think any of us coulda done any better, so give yerself just a little credit, okay?"

Leonardo wiped at the tears under his eyes and gave Raphael a smile. "Thanks, Raph. And I promise you we will find the others." He scooted back and embraced his brother, feeling more than grateful to have him there.

A snuffle from the doorway made the turtles jump back from their hug, and they were both surprised to see Carrie standing there, her arms folded in front of her and new tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. " She apologize as she used her fingers to wipe her eyes. " I just made some tea if you guys want to come downstairs." She glanced at Raphael and smiled. "Maybe just... talk a little."

Leonardo was the first to climb off the bed, and he looked back at Raphael, who was casting an uneasy look at Carrie, but felt a hint of forgiveness in the smile she wore.

"Do you think you're up for it?" Leonardo asked as he offered his brother his hands, and Raphael happily took them without any resistance.

* * *

"What made you move all the way out _here _from California?" Leonardo asked before taking another sip of tea.

Carrie played with the string on her tea bag and shrugged. "I don't know. Change of scenery, I guess. It gets to be a crappy place if you've lived there long enough." She jammed her slender fingers around in the steam and sighed heavily. "I still remember what my Dad said to me the day I told him I was leaving. He said ' Carrie, I love you, but you are making the biggest mistake of your life! You'll never make it out there!'."

"Sounds ta me like he didn't have any faith in ya at all." Raphael commented, and Carrie nodded in response.

"Yep. My plan was to become a famous writer and sell millions of books and have everyone adore my work!" Carrie then laughed and flicked at the string on the tea bag. " I was eighteen and thought I knew everything! Now, look at me. Seven years later, I'm living alone, my life completely void of any excitement, and I'm writing _porn_ for a living!"

Raphael then suddenly spat out the tea he had just taken in and wiped at his mouth with the back of his hand. "Ya _what?_"

Carrie giggled, resting her face in her hands. " I meant romance novels." She giggled again at the strange look she was receiving from the red-masked turtle that sat across the dining room table. "Hell, the two are blurred to most people anyways. Sex can't be romantic anymore. It has to be dirty and cheap for people to enjoy it."

"Now that ain't true." Raphael said with a playful smile on his face, amazed that Carrie was talking about a subject he had must interest in. "You just ain't found the right kind of _people_ to show ya otherwise. Ain't that right, Leo?"

Leonardo raised his head from his tea, looking like a animal caught in headlights. "I-I-uh," His eyes then darted to the clock on the wall above him. "Huh, look at that! It's almost one in the morning." He pushed his chair back, stood up, and quickly moved up the stairs. Carrie constricted her eyes in confusion as she watched him disappear, then turned back to Raphael, who was enjoying a hearty laugh at his brother's expense.

"I love doin' that ta him!" Raphael boasted.

"Why did Leonardo get so freaked out about that?" Carrie asked, leaning her chin on her open palm.

Raphael lifted his black mug to his lips and shrugged. "Ya know virgins."

This time it was Carrie's turn to laugh. "I really didn't need to know _that_, but I didn't think mutant turtles could have much of a sex life in the first place."

"And what's that supposed ta mean?" Raphael narrowed his eyes.

Carrie lowered her eyes back to the steam in her mug, suddenly wishing she had never got on the subject. "Nothing. I just- well, I mean, look at you! I know you freak people out when they see you, so how could you...you know..."

The turtle sighed and shook his head. " First of all, it ain't like I walk up ta someone on the street and go, 'Hey! Ya wanna fuck?' Even _you_ know it don't work that way. Secondly, I'm equipped like every other human guy, not ta mention _think_ like every other human guy, so why wouldn't I be gettin' any?"

"Have many people have you been with?" Carrie continued, knowing that her curiosity was going to get in her in trouble. "Have they all been human, or are there more mutants like you hanging around?"

Raphael set the mug down and crossed his arms over his chest. "Boy, yer nosey. You'd get along with my brother Mikey really good." He then grinned as he turned the spotlight back on Carrie. "Come ta think about it, how many people have _you_ been with?"

Carrie clutched the tea closer to her chest and leaned back, pressing her lips together in a frown as she stared at Raphael. "That's not really any of your business."

"None of my business?" Raphael said with a grunt. "So we can talk about my sex life and not yours? Bullshit." He grabbed the mug and finally sipped the now lukewarm tea, only to make a face at it's pungent taste.

"Ain't ya got any coffe in this joint? I hate this shit." He slammed the mug back down, then noticed Carrie was still staring at him. "What?"

"Where is it?" Carrie blurted out, catching Raphael by complete surprise.

"Where's what?" He asked, then thought about what she was getting at. "Oh, _that_." he chuckled, then raised his brow in a provocative manner. " Why, ya wanna see it?"

"Nevermind! Forget I asked that!" Carrie waved her hands at Raphael, her nose wrinkled at the pictures in her mind. She jumped out of her seat and pushed the chair back under the table. "I need to go to bed. My editor will be here at six and I need to be up before he knocks the door down." She turned to leave, but froze when she heard Raphael clear his throat. Carrie closed her eyes slightly as she turned back around, afraid that the turtle might have something to show her.

"Could ya help me up the stairs?" Raphael asked, his right hand in the air. "Leo kinda abandoned me."

Carrie let out a nervous laugh, feeling stupid for letting her dirty imaginings get the best of her, then moved around the table and pulled Raphael to his feet and slowly back up the steps.

Once they reached the bedroom, Carrie lead Raphael to the bed and helped him adjust his pillows while Leonardo snored away beside them.

With nothing more to say to him, Carrie bid Raphael a good night and tiptoed to the door.

"Hey, Carrie?"

She stopped in the doorway and turned around, barely making out Raphael's shape in the dark. "Yes?"

"I just-well, about earlier, I- wanted to tell ya that-," Raphael then growled at himself and waved her away with his hand. "Ah, fuck it. Good night."

Carrie held her giggled back until she had shut the door and was in her own room. The dogs were already in their designated sleeping spots on the floor beneath the window, and they raised their sleepy heads to Carrie as she used the attached bathroom then climbed under her white down comforter, still laughing quietly to herself. She knew Raphael had meant to apologize to her, and Carrie found his attempt at it amusing. But he was still a mystery to her, how he was so hateful, utterly profane and vulgar, and yet completely charming all at the same time. He had truly gotten a strong hold on her curiosity, and as Carrie drifted off into a deep sleep, she decided that the red-masked turtle was one enigma that was worth unlocking.


	6. Chapter Six:Advances

Chapter Six: Advances

Leonardo shook his head in disappointment, secretly wishing he had just stayed in the nice warm bed he had abandoned only an hour ago instead of standing outside in the middle of the first snowfall of the season watching his brother wiggle around in pain.

"Raphael! When I said that you weren't healed enough to spar with me, I meant it!"

His brother turned his head up and shielded his eyes from the snow, his left hand pushing against the fleshy scar that went across his lower chest plates.

"I'm fine!" Raphael yelled back, shoving one end of his long wooden stick into the ground and using his weaken calf muscles to push himself up. "I just...didn't expect ya ta hit me there, is all!" He tighten his grip on the homemade practice staff with both hands again and readied himself for Leonardo to attack. "Come on, Leo! Don't stand there gawkin'! Come and get me!"

"Raph, I swear," Leonardo lowered his own staff and dropped his forehead into his left palm. A sudden smack of wood against his backside made him drop his hand, and Leonardo let a smile creep across his face.

"Okay, fine." He twisted the staff around in one hand, then brought it to a stop with the other hand and pulled it to the side. " But if that thing rips open and you start bleeding, don't come crying to me!"

Raphael let out a loud yell as he slammed his staff against Leonardo's, grinning from ear to ear as Leonardo counter-attacked with a side hit.

"Damn, I missed this!" He jumped back, then swung at Leonardo again, barely missing the end of his brother's staff as it shot out at him. "Three weeks is too long for me ta be cooped up!"

Leonardo sidestepped and caught another of Raphael's blows with his stick, and maneuvered around with an upward stroke. "And three weeks is too long for me to be doing this by myself!" He then flipped into the air and landed on Raphael's left side, almost catching his brother off guard with another sweep of the staff.

"Why don't ya get Carrie ta play around with ya?" Raphael dropped to one knee, then somersaulted away from Leonardo's down stroke.

The blue masked turtle stopped to regain his breath while waiting for Raphael to stand back up. "And what do you mean by that?"

"Nothin' much," Raphael brushed the snow off his knee pads, his sneaky smile leering at his brother. "It's just that I've seen how close you two are gettin', so...ya know." He leaned his staff against the railing of the back porch and hopped up the steps, clearing the spot next him so Leonardo could join him, but frowned when his brother remained standing, holding the staff firmly against the cold ground.

"Raph, if you are implying that there's something going on between us-,"

"Whoa, whoa! Hang on, Leo!" Raphael through his hands into the air, noticing that Leonardo had become tense. "You got a guilty conscience or somethin'? I was only pointin' out that you and Carrie are gettin' along good, that's all."

Leonardo began to let out the breath he had been holding when Raphael jumped back into the conversation.

"Of course, I have seen you guys goin' into the barn a lot..."

The blue clad turtle growled loudly and stomped up the steps past Raphael, who was too busy laughing to pay attention. He leaned the staff against the house and entered into the back door, brushing the snow of his body before walking through the kitchen. Carrie was busying herself with making breakfast and didn't notice Leonardo's angry march until he was well on his way through the adjacent dining room. The back door slammed again, and Carrie's eyes met with Raphael as he shook off the cold.

"What's with him?" she asked, pointing her index finger over her shoulder.

Raphael chuckled. "Let's just say Leo's been caught with his hand in the cookie jar."

Carrie placed a closed fist on her hip and lifted the spatula into the air. "And the cookie jar you're referring to is me, right?" She then busted out in a high pitch giggle at the look of confusion on the turtle's face.

"How did ya know that we were takin' about ya?"

"Please! This house is one-hundred years old! Do you think it was made of reinforced concrete walls or something?" Carrie looked back down at the iron skillet full of scrambled eggs and tossed them around. "I was watching you guys out the window."

"Oh, really?" Raphael crossed his arms and leaned causally against the counter top. " Ya like what ya saw?"

"There's nothing I find sexier than two turtles beating each other up in the snow." Carrie asked, her lips curled into a devilish smile that contrasted the blush in her cheeks. It had taken Carrie some time to adjust to Raphael constant come-ons, but she soon realized she was actually enjoying the unwanted attention and decided to start laying it back to him, even though she would still become embarrassed by her own antics.

Raphael copied the smile that Carrie held and took a few steps closer to her. "Ya could join us next time. I'll let ya use my _stick_."

Carrie opened her mouth and tried to make a comment, but suddenly laughed instead. "Okay, I give up! You win this time!" She playfully shoved at Raphael's shoulder.

"That's why ya don't mess with the master." Raphael reached across the skillet and tried to grab at the eggs when the metal spatula came down on his hand. He quickly pulled it back, a hurt expression on his face as he shook off the sting and glared at Carrie's wide grin.

"And _that's_ why you don't mess with my cooking!" Carrie turned in a circle to the counter behind her and picked up the stack of ivy-adorned dishes, quickly placing them into Raphael's unsuspecting hands before he knew what she was doing. "Now, go make yourself useful and set the table."

Raphael looked down at the dishes and sneered at them."A _please_ would be nice, ya know." His muttering continued under his breath as he moved into the dining room. Carrie switched off the gas burner and slid the skillet into the middle of the stove.

"I'm going to go get Leo."

Raphael watched as Carrie passed by him and head up the stairs. When she was out of sight, he dashed back into the kitchen, his stomach twisting in knots as the heavenly smells drifted at his nose. Not bothering to watch his back, Raphael stretched across the counter and placed his hand over the eggs, just far enough to grab one tiny bite. The kill was about to be made when Carrie's voice boomed down from the stairwell.

"And don't touch anything either!"

Raphael winced and pulled away from the stove, grumbling along his stomach as he went back to work on the table.

"Leo?" Carrie knocked softly on the open door, finding the turtle leaning against the window, his head resting on his arm while his left index finger swirled around on the glass.

"Leo, breakfast is ready." Carrie slowly moved into the room, choosing to stay by the dresser until she could figure out the mood he was in, and she was happy to discover that it wasn't too bad when he spoke back at her.

"I'm not really hungry," Leonardo replied without moving his blank stare from the outside world. "I've got too many...things... on my mind."

Carrie, who had become somewhat accustomed to Leonardo's subtle hints, moved further into the guestroom and sat down on the bed directly behind the turtle. She wrapped his fingers around his elbow and pulled him down to sit beside her.

"What kind of _things_?" Her fingers drifted down to his left hand and she held it tightly. "And don't tell me it's nothing, either.

Leonardo responded with a shrug, only driving Carrie's curiosity into overdrive.

"I've also noticed you've been acting very moody lately, more than I usually do." She placed a finger under Leonardo's chin and turned his brown eyes to her. "I think you've even beaten Raph at it, too."

The comment made Leonardo chuckle and he pulled his head away, trying to hide the smile that suddenly appeared. "It's... nothing."

"Bullshit." Carrie stood up and looked Leonardo in the eye, her arms crossed impatiently in front of her. "Spill."

Leonardo had learned during the past month that Carrie was not one to give up until she knew everything, but he was still too confused to even admit to himself what had been bothering him. So, he took a deep breath, and lied.

"It's just- Raph. It's my brother. He's just being impossible again. That's all." Leonardo looked away from the girl's suspicious glare and his eyes studied the rose trimmed border that run across the wall under the window.

"Leo," Carrie batted her eyelashes. "If that's all you can come up with-,"

The blue-masked turtle pushed his lips into a frown and returned Carrie's impatient stare while trying to change the subject. " Do you think it's a good idea to continue what we've been doing?"

"Well, yeah! I, for one, am enjoying it!"Carrie said with her eyes opening wider. "And if Raph thinks there's something going on, let him! Who cares?"

"I do!" Leonardo suddenly jumped up into Carrie face and yelled, sending Carrie back down to the bed, her body trembling at the turtle's outburst. Leonardo smacked his forehead with his palm then held his hand out to Carrie.

"I'm sorry. I- that wasn't right for me to take things out on you." Another sign escaped his lips as Carrie relaxed. "There are things that happened a long time ago that still haunt me and...being in this house, in close range of him and his... _suspicions_, it's hard."

"Like what?" Carrie stiffened her back and brushed her hair back. The turtle pushed his mouth closed and shook his head, knowing that his hostess meant well, but he wasn't about to let anything out. Carrie smiled and nodded, taking Leonardo's hand back into her own.

"Okay, but, if you ever need to talk-,"

"I know." Leonardo stared into Carrie's eyes, then to the rest of her face, lingering a little longer than he felt he should. Her complexion was soft, with a hint of freckles along the small point of her nose that he had never noticed before. A flush was still visible on her cheeks, bringing a little life to her otherwise pale skin tone, and the dark pink tint of her full lips was the actual natural color, not makeup like Leonardo had once assumed, and the thought of her unaffected beauty drifted across his mind. Carrie noticed Leonardo's stare, and their eyes became locked, a new kind of tension filtering between them, and neither one knew what to say. The awkwardness of their close contact was hindering their ability to move, but their relief soon came when Raphael's enraged voice yelled up the staircase.

"Hey! Are we gonna eat or what? I'm starvin' down here!"

Carrie realized they had been upstairs longer than Raphael had deemed necessary, and he was now coming up to find out the reason his breakfast was cold. After a brief moment of panic, Carrie got a wicked thought and gave Leonardo an evil smile.

"Lay down on top of me."

"What!" Leonardo whispered, his nervous voice and his anxious eyes taking the command in different directions.

"Just do it! Come on!" Carrie laid back across the bed, lifting her arms to Leonardo and coaxing him down. The turtle opened his mouth to protest, but found himself jerked down and his face buried in Carrie's scattered hair, her evil giggling going through his ear.

Raphael stepped into the doorway, his teeth following in the footsteps of his clenched fists. "Alright! I've waited long enough! Now what the fuck have you two been-," His bottom jaw gave out as he saw his brother sprawled over Carrie, his face buried in her neck while she held onto Leonardo's shell with one leg wrapped around it. Carrie turned her head to Raphael and reached a hand out to him, the wicked smile on her face growing even bigger.

"Oh, Raph. You're just in time." Carrie said seductively as she curled her finger to beckon him over. "Come in and join us."

It was then that Leonardo pulled away from Carrie and held his hand over his mouth, trying to hold back the laughter that wanted to escape after witnessing the look of horror on his brother's face.

"Best I ever had, bro!" Leonardo patted Raphael's shoulder, the giggling increased as he moved toward the stairs, and it finally broke through as he descended the steps. After his brother left, Raphael looked back at Carrie, who had propped herself on her side and was happily waving at the turtle.

"Who's the _master_ now, Raph?"

Raphael smiled and shook his head. "Man, that was not _even_ funny!"

* * *

"Goodness, Carrie! What are you doing? Feeding an army?" The middle aged woman behind the counter proclaimed as Carrie dumped the contents of her shopping cart.

"You could say that, Valerie," Carrie said with a exhausted smile and pulled her hair from her eyes. "I have a couple of, uh, _house guests_."

Valerie peered down her nose at Carrie while running a box of wheat germ over the scanner, the surprise in her old brown eyes very noticeable. "Oh, really? Family?"

Carrie lifted a large bag of brown rice out of her cart, stopping for brief second to answer the question. "Friends, I guess you could say."

"Oh, by the way, dear," Valerie slowly bent down , holding onto the counter to support her bad knee, and popped back up with a stack of Post-It notes held together with a paper clip.

"You need to tell Barry to stop calling here. I may be your friend, but I have a business to run. I can't keep running to the phone when I have customers."

Carrie sighed heavily and took the small yellow stack. "I'm really sorry about that. I haven't been answering my phone lately. Been letting the machine get it, and Barry _hates_ answering machines." She shoved the paper into her brown leather purse and went back to fishing the products out of her cart. "He's just mad because I didn't finish my book the way _he_ wanted."

"I've been waiting for this one to come out." Valerie hinted with a quick flash of her false teeth. "I have to know if Jackie and Luke stay together."

"Well, just between you and me," Carrie leaned in, looking around to see if no one was within hearing distance. "I created a new male character that will try to come between them!"

"Oh, no, dear!"Valerie gasped, but then quickly added with a wink. " I can't wait!"

After paying for her large amount of groceries and loading them into her navy SUV, Carrie sat on the back end of the vehicle, the hatch still open above her head. She searched around the health food market parking lot, and found no one was close enough to see what she was doing. Carrie cautiously pulled Leonardo's ShellCell out of her coat pocket, punching the numbers that she had finally memorized. As the weather had grown colder and Leonardo was unable to get a clear reception, Carrie had offered to take the phone into town with her, and each time the ring would echo in her ear, Carrie would become nervous that it would be answered by someone other than Leonardo's family. But the ring was on-going, just like every other try, and after letting it go fifteen times, Carrie gave up and shoved the phone back in her pocket.

"Carrie? Is that you?"

Her blonde hair whipped her eyes as Carrie turned to face the soft male voice that had called to her. "Mark?"

The tall, well built,ash- blonde man that was now standing beside her flashed a heart-stopping smile at her. "I almost didn't recognize you. You chopped your hair off."

Carrie stood up, shoving her hand into the pocket of her brown wool and suede coat to keep the ShellCell from dropping out. "I...uh, how have you been?"

Mark shrugged, the blue and white nylon ski jacket rustling around his shoulders. "Can't complain. Just got back from Europe again."

"Seems like everybody has except for me. Must be nice." Carrie muttered as she turned her away.

"Huh?"

She looked back at Mark, forcing a smile. "Nothing. So how is Katie?"

"Katie? Ha!" Mark threw his head back and laughed. "That girl was more clingy than you were! I had to drop her." He shoved his thumb to the cherry red sports car that sat only a few parking spaces away, were a dark haired, exotic-looking woman sat in the passenger seat. "Picked that one up in France. Can't speak hardly a word of English, but she makes up for that in other departments."

Carrie wrinkled her nose, a sickness stirring in her stomach. "Nice."

"I just believe you're still around here!" Mark laughed, tossing his blonde locks. "After all that crap you told me about you selling your novel and getting out of here. No one must like it."

"It's still being shopped around." Carrie said in a low voice. "Barry says that-,"

"And you still hang onto that _faggot_?" Mark shook his head, clicking his tongue as if scolding her. "If you have listened to me instead of being so brainless and stubborn, you'd be rolling in dough by now!"

"Don't call Barry that." Carrie whispered, her eyes going to the ground. The horn from the sports car made her look up and the dark haired woman was waving at Mark.

"_Marque_! _Allumer_! _J'obtiens le froid _!"

"Yeah, okay, whatever!" Mark waved back, grumbling under his breath. "Foreigners." He looked back at Carrie, who still had her head bent down. He squatted down and placed his hand under Carrie's chin, bringing her eyes to his.

"You're still beautiful. Don't forget that when your career goes bust." His lips softly brushed against Carrie's cheek, then Mark walked away and jumped into his car, the tires squealing as he pulled out of the shopping plaza. Carrie stood up, absentmindedly touching the flushed spot of her face as she climbed into her SUV. She turned the key, starting the ignition, then folded her arms over the steering wheel and quietly sobbed.

* * *

The temperature had dropped immensely after the sun had vanished, and the sky was clouding up again, sure sign that another snowfall was about to hit. But Carrie didn't pay attention to such things. She pulled her coat tightly around her, trying to block out the harsh wind, and continued to stare down the long gravel driveway in front of her. Carrie wanted so bad to run down that road and onto the stretch of asphalt that connected to it, and just keeping going, but knowing that she could never escape the hurt she felt. Seeing her old love had been the worse thing that could have happened to her, and she had wallowed in her own self pity all evening, despite the attempts of both Leonardo and Raphael to get her to open up. Another tear slid down her cheek, but she made no effort to wipe it away and instead let them flow out again.

"Why do I care so much about what he thinks?" Carrie whispered into the night air, her breath turning into white clouds. "Why does he affect me so bad?" Her hands clenched in anger as another of rage flooded over her. "God, I hate him so much!"

The front door cracked open and Carrie hung her head down, hiding her tears behind her wind-blown hair.

"Carrie, whatya doin' out here?" Raphael shut the door behind him and immediately folded his arms across his chest plates to block out the cold. "The Steelers are beaten the shit outta Oakland, and I ain't go no one ta brag about it to!"

"I thought Leo was watching the game with you?" Carrie snuffled and wiped at her face, hoping that Raphael couldn't see her, but it was too late.

"Okay, that's it." He took a seat next to her on the front porch steps, trying to ignore the shivers going through him. "You've been actin' all sappy ever since you came home. What's goin' on with ya?"

Carrie sighed and sniffled again, wishing that Raphael would leave her alone. "I'm fine. There's nothing wrong with me."

"Then if that was the case," Raphael poked at her arm, causing her to teeter over a little. "You'd be in there instead of out here cryin' yer eyes out."

"It's...it's..."Carrie stammered. "It's PMS, okay!"

Raphael laughed. "I don't think so. Try again."

Carrie blew out a long breath and growled, startling Raphael as she turned to face him, her voice reaching a very high octave. "Why can't you just leave me alone?"

"Hey, I was only tryin' ta-," Raphael began, but was quickly silenced as Carrie stood up and yelled louder.

"Trying to what, Raph?" Carrie narrowed her grey eyes. "I can't even talk to you without getting some kind of innuendo-based answer! Can you even talk _normal_, or is that something you're completely void of doing? And even if you could, how do I know you don't have some alternative motive behind it? All you've been doing since you got here was to try and _fuck_ me!"

"How _dare_ ya talk ta me like that!" Raphael jumped into Carrie's face, the anger coursing through his body like a wildfire. "I was tryin' ta show some _actual_ concern! And ya don't even have the right ta say shit like that about me! Ya don't know me, so stop actin' like you've got me figured out!"

Carrie felt her heart rate increasing, her breaths coming out in shallow puffs. "I _do_ have you figured out, and I'm telling you right now there is no _way_ I would ever let some sex-starved _freak_ like you even touch me!" She turned on her heels and grabbed for the front door.

"Yeah, go ahead! Run back ta Leo and cry on his shoulder!" Raphael exclaimed. "Like he ain't got somethin' else on his mind too!"

Carrie squeezed her fists so hard, she felt her fingernails break through the skin of her palms. "You are so jealous of your brother, it makes me sick! Just because Leo shows a real interest in my feelings-,"

"He may _show_ real interest in how ya feel-," Raphael shoved his finger into Carrie's face. "But deep down he's got... _alternative motives_." He leaned in so close to Carrie, their hot breaths slammed against each other's cheeks. "Just like every... other... guy."

Raphael's words hit Carrie hard, and her painful memories of Mark that she had buried deep inside her mind suddenly flooded back, and new tears found their way down her face.

"You are such a heartless prick." Carrie spit out in a hushed voice, backing down from the red-masked turtle and stepping into the house, slamming the door behind her so hard that one of the large, black numbers of her address vibrated off the wall and crashed to the porch, barely missing the ends of Raphael's toes. The turtle bent down, picked up the number, and stumbled down the steps in the front lawn. He screamed in anger as he flung it across the wide yard and into the dark woods, his cold shivers forgotten in his rage as he walked around the house toward the barn, blocking out the heavy snowflakes that fell all around him.


	7. Chapter Seven: Combustion

_Thanks for the great reveiws everyone! I really appreciate you taking time to read. This next chapter is one of two versions. The NC-17one is posted on the Adult Fan Fiction website for anyone who is interested (FairDrea! I'm talking to you, girl!) Happy reading! ;0)_

* * *

Chapter Seven: Combustion 

Sleep didn't come easily for Carrie the past two nights, her dreams haunted by memories of her old flame and the fight she had with Raphael. The two had not spoke since that night on the porch, and Raphael had been crashing out in the barn, sleeping in the hay loft among the many bails. Carrie didn't care, and she still continued her mediation sessions with Leonardo while Raphael looked down on them. But only after Leonardo left her to do her yoga exercises that she felt no sense of comfort knowing he was watching her, and would often catch his brown eyes casting an angry glare at her.

Carrie had seen Mark again as she went into town to try Leonardo's phone, but found he had nothing more to say to her. Carrie always hated the way Mark would show off his family fortune, rubbing the townspeople's noses in it like a dog's nose in its own feces, and it was one of the many reasons Carrie was glad she had not married him like he had suggested. She was not about to give up on herself and her career, especially for a snob who changes women like his changes his underwear. But Carrie was never brave enough to stand up to his hateful and degrading words, even when he began to cheat on her, and from what had happened the day at the market, Carrie knew part of her was still stuck under Mark's thumb, his words still having their demeaning effects on her.

* * *

The sun had been up for a few hours, and Carrie still found herself laying in her queen-sized bed, staring up at the ceiling at the swirled design that encircled the fan. She knew she had to get up and get started on her next book, her once anxious feeling to get her new character in between her beloved Jackie and Luke almost gone. Carrie instead turned onto her stomach, and brought her pillows over her head, moaning in protest to the light outside. And after another hour had passed by, Carrie threw back the covers and headed for the bathroom. 

A long, hot shower brought some comfort to Carrie. She wrapped a towel around her body, then proceeded to put one on her wet hair when she noticed the door handle jiggle around.

"Yes?" Carrie held her breath, hoping it wasn't a certain red-masked turtle.

"Sorry," Leonardo's voice called back. "I didn't know you were in there."

"Hang on!" Carrie finished with her hair and gathered up her dirty clothes from the tiled floor. "Okay, count to five!"

Leonardo smiled and did just that, still finding it funny that he had give Carrie five seconds to go back into her bedroom and lock the door behind her before he enter. He gave her a little more time, then cracked the door, peering around to see if she was gone. The coast was clear, and Leonardo went about his business. After washing his hands and grabbing for his tooth brush, Leonardo noticed from the mirror that Carrie had not closed the adjacent door to her bedroom all the way. He took a step closer, stopping when the sounds of a hair dryer began, and his hand pushed firmly on the door. It was almost closed, and Leonardo couldn't help but feel a sudden need to look at what was behind the door. His brain told him otherwise, to turn around and ignore the need, but the suppressed sexual feelings that Leonardo had been hiding were growing stronger, and he could do nothing more than give into temptation.

He pulled the door back, leaving a space as wide as one of his fingers, and he swallowed the nervous lump in his throat as he peered through the crack, memorized at once by the sight of Carrie's bare back. His eyes wondered around, watching her hands move around her wet hair with the blow dryer, then down the curve in her spine, finally resting on the sky blue satin panties that covered her rear end. Carrie suddenly turned her hair over and bent at the waist, and Leonardo caught a brief glance of her right breast before her arm moved over it. The turtle shivered, wanting to feel disgusted with himself, but at the same wanting to see and possible _feel_ even more of Carrie. He breathing slowed, coming out in staggered puffs of air as Carrie straighten up and pushed one of her hips out, the panties clinging tightly to her every move. Leonardo clenched his fist, trying to push away his urges like he had done countless times before, and he choose to instead shut the door and forget what he had just seen. He leaned back, slowly pushing the door and regaining his composure at the same time, and turned to leave, only to find his brother standing in his way.

"Doin' a little sight seenin', Leo?" Raphael smiled wickedly, pleased to find his wholesome brother in such an awkward position. "Ya know, maybe if you just went in there and tossed her on the bed, she'd let ya have a go."

"Shut up, Raph." Leonardo glared at his brother, his embarrassment growing by the moment.

"God, Leo! Get over yerself already!" Raphael cried out as he followed Leonardo back down the steps. "Just admit you wanna do her and get it over with! I ain't gonna bother me one damn bit!"

Leonardo halted and turned around, his finger poised in his brother's face, and his mouth open to speak, but nothing came out. An impatient growl escaped instead, and Leonardo continued his march out the back door. The glare from the snow blinded him for a second as he stomped across the back yard and into the barn, Raphael running right on his heels.

"Leo, why can't ya just accept that yer _normal_?" Raphael asked as he took a seat on a hay bail and watched his brother work through a series of sped-up _kata_ routines. "Everyone has them kinda feelings, bro. Just let it out and you'll feel better!"

When no response came back and Leonardo pushed harder into his exercise, Raphael couldn't stop the urge to keep pestering his brother.

"I always figured I'd be the first one ta bag her." Raphael looked around, then spoke again. "And ta tell you the truth, that little fight we had, I'd be lyin' if I said it didn't turn me on! Her temper blows me away!"

Leonardo lowered his swords and glared at his brother. "Can't you talk about something else _besides_ sex!"

"Not till ya admit ya _want_ it!" Raphael leaned back against the barn wall and grinned. "Yeah, I gonna piss her off some more and then just go for it. Nothin' better than angry sex, I'm tellin' ya! Brings out the animal in ya!"

"Would you please leave!" Leonardo asked as politely as he could, but found his request fell on deaf ears.

"I wonder what kinda kinky shit she's inta?" Raphael gazed up to the hay loft and rubbed at his chin. "I bet she's one of them domineerin' types. That holds a problem for me, but you, Leo, you might enjoy having a girl smack ya around."

Leonardo sighed through his clenched teeth, and tighten his grip on the handles of his swords. He brought his occupied hands over his eyes and let out a long and loud frustrated scream.

"All right! All right!" Leonardo said after regaining his breath. " I admit it, okay?"

"Good ta hear!" Raphael jumped up and shook Leonardo's closed fist with the sword handle still in it. "Nice ta know that yer not such a prude after all!"

Leonardo hung his head and pulled his hand away, his voice coming out in an angry tone. "It's not something I'm proud of, Raph. I shouldn't think of Carrie like that!" He leaned his swords against the wall and sat down on the hay bail his brother had just been on. "It's just being around her all the time...she's-she's such a great person. The closeness we share reminds me of-" He paused and looked Raphael in the face.

Raphael arched a brow. "Who?"

Leonardo placed his palms together, leaning them against his lips, and sighed. "I've been keeping something from everyone for a long time, knowing that if it ever got out it would destroy any faith you guys had in me."

Raphael took a spot next to Leonardo and patted his shell. " Come on, Leo! How bad could it-"

"I had a secret affair with Karai." Leonardo blurted out, knowing the look of shock Raphael had on his face without turning to him.

"Leo..."

"It was a long time ago, back when The Foot were still a threat to us. We battled them almost every day, and I would always find myself fighting with Karai. It's like we were drawn together, and I was just so..._attracted_ to her, and it was very difficult for me to hold all that angry passion inside. I went out one night, tracked her to her Master's home, and just gave into the temptation. Karai was very willing to receive it."

"Damn, Leo." Raphael interrupted. "You guys did it in Shredder's house? Yer lucky ya still got everything down there!"

Leonardo brushed Raphael's comment off and kept talking. "It became a nightly thing afterwards. Every time our clans would fight, we would meet later and dispel all of our pent-up aggression through our lovemaking. I couldn't stop myself. She was like a drug to me." Leonardo buried his face in his palms, trying to stop all the past visions in his head. "It went on like that for a couple of years, and it was no one longer a feeling of lust to me. I was falling in love with her, even though I knew she didn't feel the same. It all ended the day Shredder was banished by the Utroms, and Karai wanted nothing more than to seek vengeance on us for taking him away from her."

Leonardo moved his hands down his face and let them fall into his lap. "I know it was wrong, and I don't care if you choose to hate me, Raph. Deep down...I have no regrets."

Raphael rubbed his neck, still feeling confused by Leonardo's confession. "I don't hate ya, bro. It's just-" He let out a small laugh. "I don't know whether ta smack ya upside yer head or pat ya on the shell and buy ya a beer!"

Leonardo relaxed at the sight of Raphael's smile and chuckled as well. "I'll pass on the beer. The smacking is probably more appropriate."

"I guess I gotta stop the virgin cracks now and find somethin' else ta tease ya about." Raphael nudged Leonardo in the ribs with his elbow. "So, are ya gonna go after Carrie or what?"

"Raph!" Leonardo stood up and retrieved his swords as he walked to the door. "I just _told_ you! I _don't _want to think about her like that!"

"So that means I still gotta chance, right?" Raphael called out, but was answered by the slamming barn door. He frowned, grumbled under his breath, and decided to head back up to the hay loft for a nap.

* * *

A few hours later, Raphael woke up to the sound of the barn door shutting again. He rubbed his eyes and staggered in a sleepy daze to the railing. He was about to yell out his brother's name when he noticed it was Carrie that had come in. She was dressed in a pink velour tracksuit, the jacket only zipped up halfway to reveal a white tank underneath, and she placed herself down on the black mat, stretching over each leg, then bending to the middle, pushing her upper body all the way down. Raphael couldn't stop the smile from breaking across his face, or the excitement he felt by how flexible Carrie was as she started her daily yoga routine. He watched her every movement, feeling the ache in his groin grow stronger by the second, and now that he knew Leonardo had no intention on going after her, Raphael was hellbent on making Carrie assist him in easing his sexual suffering. 

"Need some help?"

Carrie raised her head, her left leg still arched above her back, and she frowned at the sight of Raphael's wicked grin. "Piss off, Raph. I have nothing to say to you."

"That's it. Get angry." Raphael chuckled. " Yer cute when yer bitchy."

Carrie pushed herself to her feet and glared at the turtle. "Is _that_ supposed to be a come-on? How dare you say something like that!"

Raphael laughed again. " Why don't ya come over here and do somethin' about it."

"_Excuse_ me?" Carrie growled, then pushed past Raphael and went for the door. "God, you make me sick!"

Raphael caught Carrie's slender wrist with his right hand and pulled her back, locking her eyes into his hungry stare. "Come on, Carrie. I know ya want it."

Her grey eyes widened with shock, and Carrie was about to protest when Raphael jerked her closer to him.

"Don't tell me ya don't think about it, cause I know you do."

A strange heat was radiating from Raphael, and Carrie could see his body tensing and quivering, the anxious look in his brown eyes as he stared at her. Carrie inhaled sharply, trying to fight back her own animal urges that he was somehow stirring inside of her. She then suddenly grabbed Raphael's upper arm and tossed him over her shoulder, his shell hitting the barn floor in a loud crack. She wiped her hands together and gave Raphael an evil grin as he looked back up at her.

"Meditation is not the only thing Leo has been teaching me. Bastard."

Carrie took a couple more steps, then found herself face down in the scattered hay. Raphael straddled her back, leaning over her to hold her arms to the floor, using all of his weight to hold her wiggling body.

"Did ya forget that I've been doin' shit like that for twenty three years?" He whispered into her ear, inhaling the honey scent of her blonde hair.

"_Get off of me_!" Carrie screamed and kicked around, trying to the point of exhaustion to free herself. When Raphael heard her breaths coming out in short pants, he lifted himself up enough to flip her over, but still held her arms down above her head. His grin grew bigger at the savage, angry look Carrie was giving him, her hair tossed wildly around her.

" This is much better, don't ya think?" His eyes traveled down the now-soiled pink fabric and smiled at how it clung to her curves. " Now, time for ya to tell me how bad you want it," He pushed down on Carrie when she opened her mouth. "And I ain't movin' until ya do!"

Carrie inhaled deeply, then spit at Raphael, hitting his cheek with a ball of saliva. "_Fuck off!_"

"That's the whole point of this thing, baby," Raphael bent down and wiped his face on Carrie's left breast, taking his time to linger against it. "And it must not bother ya too much. I can see the _need_ in yer eyes."

Carrie turned her head away and closed off her lusty glare, trying to block out the erratic sensations of having Raphael's strong body on top of her, but the eagerness that stirred within her took over her rational reasoning. She had tried so hard during the past month to block out the way Raphael was making her feel, lying to herself that she wasn't interested in his sexual game playing. But Carrie realized that she couldn't hold it back anymore, and she let a small moan escaped from her parted lips.

"That's it." Raphael slowly slid his fingers down her arms, his breath beating into Carrie's ear. He let his lips glide down her neck, and felt Carrie shiver as he teased her with small, airy kisses. His fingers traveled down her sides, back up her flat stomach, and over her breasts, giving just the right pressure to make Carrie tremble again. He nibbled his way up her neck to her ear, breathing heavily with excitement.

"Tell me." Raphael commanded, his left hand grasping the zipper of her jacket and dragging it down to expose the white tank underneath. "Tell me what ya want."

Carrie gasped out loud as Raphael's fingers racked across her bare stomach and under the tank top. Her body responded by pushing against his, her arms reaching up and grabbing ahold of Raphael's muscular shoulders.

"Ya can't hold it back forever, Carrie," Raphael whispered in between the kisses he placed on her neck, his hands roaming freely under her shirt.

"Raph, I-I-" Carrie arched her back, her fingernails digging deeper into Raphael's skin as he teased her.

"I'm listenin', baby." He moaned, pushing his lower body against Carrie's grinding hips.

Carrie opened her eyes and bit on her bottom lip, holding back the excited scream that sat in her throat. Her eyes met with Raphael's intense stare and let her inner thoughts flow out.

"I want you, Raph!" Carrie cried out, her voice deep and lustful, her body pushing hard against Raphael. "God, I want you _so bad_!"Her fingernails scraped down his flexed muscles and back up to around his neck. "Please, Raph! I can't take it anymore!"

"Good girl." Raphael muttered into her ear. "That's all I wanted ta hear." He slid his hands out from under her shirt and pulled Carrie's arms down from his neck. He stood up and turned around, chuckling to himself as he left Carrie on the floor in a panting, sweaty mess and headed for the ladder that led back up to the hay loft.

"What the-" Carrie bolted upright, the sleeves of her velour jacket falling off her bare shoulders. "What the _Hell_ is wrong with you?"

"Me? Nothin' at all!" Raphael called down from the hay loft. "You, on the other hand, have sick fantasies about fucking mutant turtles!"

Carrie screamed in frustration as she jumped to her feet and raced up the ladder. "Why is this just some fucking game to you!"

She stepped onto the last rung and pushed off, leaping into the air to catch Raphael in the back with her knee. He fell to the floor with a loud grunt, and Carrie quickly turned him over.

"You and me are finishing this! NOW!"

Raphael grinned from ear to ear, satisfied that his cruel and sensual plan had become so successful.

"If you insist."

* * *

Moments later, after their intense, passionate cries filled the barn, Raphael slumped forward onto Carrie, feeling extremely worn out and buried his face into her hair, his panting matching hers in rhythm as their bodies continued to shake. A smile grew on Carrie's face at the thought of Raphael still inside of her, and she playfully dragged her nails over his bulging muscles. 

"I think ya broke me." Raphael blurted out, chuckling into Carrie's ear as she laugh along with him.

"I hope not." She pushed him back up to look into his eyes, her smile still glowing. "I want to do it again."

Raphael scoffed and moved a few strands of hair off Carrie's cheeks. "And ya said _I_ was sex-starved?"

Carrie giggled, pulling Raphael's lips back down to hers, readying herself for another round when she noticed the sounds of barking coming from the barn doors. Raphael had also heard the riot Carrie's dogs were creating, but it didn't bother him until they heard a voice call out from down below.

"Carrie? Is everything okay?"

"Aw, shit! Leo!" Raphael jumped up, gathering his bandana and pads together while throwing Carrie her clothes. Raphael dressed with lightening speed and headed for the very back of the loft, stopping briefly to give Carrie a deep kiss and a smack on her butt.

"Had fun!" He winked at her and spoke very quickly. " We should do that again sometime!" He then vanished from sight.

Carrie laughed, but covered her mouth as she heard Leonardo repeat her name again. Her legs were still trembling, which made it hard to pull her pants back on, and she had just zipped up her jacket when Leonardo's head appeared at the top of the ladder.

"Carrie? What are you doing up here?"

"Uh, I thought I heard a mouse." Carrie fibbed, her cheeks blushing from her lie.

"Your dogs were going nuts out there!" Leonardo stepped onto the landing and moved toward her. "Then I heard you screaming and-,"

Carrie's eyes flew open wide and she gasped, but quickly covered it up. " I fell asleep. Must of had a bad dream or something."

Leonardo raised a brow at Carrie, his suspicions growing. "Where's Raph?"

"Uh, he's uh...he's...not here!" Carrie grabbed Leonardo's arms and spun him around. "He went outside. Somewhere!"

"But I was just out there. I didn't see-"

"Oh well! You know Raph! Always sneaking around, getting into trouble!" Carrie pushed Leonardo back to the ladder and forced him to climb down. She waited until Leonardo had gone down a few rungs before turning and descending. A flash of blue caught Carrie's eyes, and her mouth dropped when her satin panties were flung across the loft, sliding right next the ladder and almost dropping off the edge. Carrie quickly stashed them into her pocket, then glared into the darkness of the loft, knowing Raphael was still watching her.

"Asshole." Carrie stated with a smile, then climbed down the ladder.


	8. Chapter Eight: Amusement

_Thanks again for the reviews! This is another chapter that is one of two versions. The dirty one is at Adult Fan Fiction. net! Happy reading!_

* * *

Chapter Eight: Amusement

It was hard for Carrie to keep from squirming around with Raphael sitting right across from her at the dining table. Her body was still burning with the heat from their intense sexual encounter, and having one of Raphael's toes working over the crotch of his jeans wasn't helping. The moans that wanted to escape from her throat were subdued only by the presence of Leonardo, seated to her left, and Carrie would continually glance at him to make sure he didn't see the agonizing twists of pleasure that her face made. Raphael on the other hand, wasn't concerned if his brother found out. He was enjoying making Carrie suffer, and was hoping that he would arouse her enough to get another round, even if it meant throwing their dinner to the ground, jumping on the table, and allowing Leonardo to be their audience. Raphael then chuckled to himself as he played his fantasy out in his head, the horrified expression that his brother would make, and he applied more pressure with his wide toes.

Carrie yelped, dropping her fork to the plate, and quickly recovered it as Leonardo shot her an troubled look..

"Everything...okay, Carrie?"

Raphael arched his eyebrows as Carrie glared at him, playing dumb to her sudden fit. "Yeah, somethin' _wrong _over there?"

"No." Carrie set her fork down and picked up her glass of water as she faked a smile. "I'm _fine_."

As the cold liquid hit her lips, Raphael again attacked her. Carrie jerked, spilling just a small amount on her gray T-shirt before pulling it away. The water struck right above her left breast and soaked all the way down her jeans, and Carrie blushed as Leonardo again wrinkled his forehead, his face going between laughing and embarrassment as he eyed the spot where the water had hit.

"Spring a leak?" Raphael asked with a huge grin before stuffing a fork full of spaghetti into his mouth. Carrie responded by blowing at her bangs and using the cloth napkin on her lap to mop up the water. She glanced down at Raphael's toes, which waved back at her, then back up to the owner, narrowing her eyes as the turtle winked at her. Carrie looked over at Leonardo, who was engrossed in his pasta and the newspaper in his right hand, then back to the cocky expression on Raphael's face, and her fingers slid back around her fork. In one quick strike, Carrie stabbed Raphael in the space between his toes, giving the utensil a small turn to insure it had penetrated the skin.

"_Ah, fuck!_" Raphael yelled as he pulled his foot back, only adding more pain as his knee bent and collide with the underside of the table, making the contents above shake wildly. Leonardo slammed down the newspaper to catch his glass of milk before it spilled onto his plate, and he sighed heavily as he shook his head at his brother.

" Raph, what-"

Raphael growled through his teeth at Carrie, hating the smile of satisfaction that sat on her face. "I...bit my tongue."

Leonardo wrinkled his forehead, his eyes darting from Carrie to Raphael. He had noticed their behavior drastically change over the course of the day, then friction between them becoming erratic, almost _carnal _in a way. He didn't want to think that Raphael had stuck to his word about 'bagging' Carrie. He tried to think of other things that could have happened, but his thoughts always led back to his brother and his sexual appetite, and Leonardo shuddered, not wanting to imagine Carrie being violated by Raphael in that way.

"You guys still want to rent a movie?" Carrie's voice broke through Leonardo's thoughts.

"We've seen everythin'." Raphael pressed his thumb against the skin of his foot to stop the bleeding, still keeping it hidden under the table. "Mikey used ta rent movies like the world was gonna end!"

"I'm in the mood for something... _gory_!" Carrie stood up, still dabbing at the water on her shirt as she returned her plate to the kitchen. "Blood. Guts! Body parts flying everywhere!"

Leonardo lowered his fork down from his mouth and pushed his plate away, gagging on the bile that burned his esophagus.

"Ya should pick up some porn for Leo while yer at it." Raphael joked, laughing as he flashed an huge smile to a very noticeable irritated Leonardo.

Carrie returned to the table, amused by Leonardo's stone face that clashed with Raphael's goofy grin. She sat back down in her seat and propped her chin into her left palm.

"Do you have any preferences? I wouldn't want to pick up something that didn't appeal to you."

Leonardo moved his eyes to Carrie, his face still showing disapproval of the topic, and went back to the paper, trying to hold back the abashed smile that tried to break free.

"I wanna go." Raphael then flicked Leonardo in the shoulder. "Let's go with her."

"I don't think that would be a good idea, Raph." Leonardo said, shoving his nose back into the paper. " Someone might see us."

Raphael pushed the top of the paper down and pointed to the window. "It's freakin' dark out there, Leo! And plus, the windows are tinted! No one is gonna see us!"

"It'll be okay, Leo," Carrie nodded. "And you can try your phone again."

Leonardo placed the paper down gently and leaned back, his fingers intertwining on the table. "Alright. I guess it would be good for us to get out."

"Cool!" Carrie jumped up and headed for the stairs. "Just let me change my shirt and we'll get going."

Raphael's eyes lit up, and after watching Carrie's tight rear go up the steps, he too hopped from his seat.

"Where are you going?" Leonardo asked as he gathering up the dishes. "You could at least help me clean this up."

"I, uh-," Raphael looked around, trying to think of an excuse, then remember the sting from in-between his toes. "I need a band-aid!" And before Leonardo could say anything more, Raphael had flow up the stairs, leaving his brother to scratch his head in confusion.

"A band-aid? How hard did he bite his tongue?"

* * *

"That was _really_ nice of ya!" Raphael bent over, his foot propped up on the end of Carrie's bed, and applied a small amount of anti-bacterial cream to his wound, then added the bandage to it.

"Serves you right!" Carrie argued from the inside of her closet. "You're lucky I didn't break it off!"

Raphael chuckled, his hormones raging as Carrie leaned back from the closet without her shirt on, and his eyes moved along the silky curves of her black bra to her navel that sat right above her low-cut jeans. Carrie paid no attention, instead concentrating on her decision to wear another T-shirt in the cold weather.

"I'll have my coat, so I think this should be enough-," She suddenly stopped thinking aloud as she felt Raphael's hands gliding down her flat stomach. "Raph, come on. Not right now."

"Why not?" He flickered his tongue against her shoulder, pausing to nibble as he worked his way up her neck. "Just cause Leo's down there? That ain't no reason."

"Raph! Really! Stop!" Carrie pulled away, pushing Raphael's chest plates with her palm. "I let you get away with it once! It doesn't mean it will be an ongoing thing!"

Raphael gave Carrie a blank stare, then began to laugh so hard he had to hold his stomach. "Don't tell me that shit! I saw the way you were squirmin' around down there!" The laughter suddenly stopped and Carrie felt her arm being jerked. She fell against Raphael and slowly looked up, the look of lust that she had seen hours ago staring back at her.

"I think I'm gonna have ta teach ya a lesson for stabbin' me." Raphael grabbed Carrie's wrists tightly and shoved her up the wall, holding her in place with his body. His mouth dove for her throat again, and Carrie felt her defenses collapse around her.

"I did a bad thing, Raph," She whispered into his ear, her hands grabbing at his shoulders as she felt another gush in her jeans. "Punish me."

She let out a long moan as Raphael's hands played with her breasts then moved down to her jeans, yanking the zipper down with one quick motion. He bent down, dragging his tongue over her navel as he pulled on her jeans, allowing her to step out of them before continuing. Raphael then noticed her new panties and he chuckled as he rubbed at the silky fabric.

"Black, huh? I like that."

Carrie tossed her hair around and smiled down at him, running her index fingernail slowly across his cheek. "Though you might."

An evil grin spread on Raphael's face, then he went back to work.

* * *

"What are ya bein' so quiet for?"

Leonardo turned away from the window and glared at his brother. " Am I _supposed_ to be making conversation?"

Raphael put his open palms up and frowned. "Jeez! Sorry I fuckin' bothered ya!" He leaned back into the tan leather seat and crossed his arms. "Sorry if I was tryin' ta be concerned."

" I'm sorry, Raph. It's just that..." Leonardo stared at the phone in his hand, his heart on the verge of breaking. "It's been too long. We would have made contact with them by now."

Raphael watched a group of kids as they played in the empty streets, the snowballs flying in all directions, and it brought a small smile to his face. He knew that his brother was hurting, still upset with himself for leaving their brothers and their sensei behind, something that Raphael was also having trouble dealing with. Nothing that he could say would make either one of them feel better, so Raphael quickly changed the subject.

"Man, this town is fuckin' dead!" He glanced around the frozen, barren streets of Lake Placid and scoffed. " How can she live in a place like this?"

Leonardo returned to his window, watching a dark-haired woman, wearing an unseasonable high-cut skirt, put on lipstick in the red sports car next to them. He raised an eyebrow, then turned back to his brother. "I think it's nice. Very peaceful."

"More like _really_ borin'!" Raphael leaned over the front seat and peered into the video store in front of them. "I wish she'd hurry up! I'm freezin' my ass off in here!"

"Hey, don't complain!" Leonardo pulled Raphael back as two teenagers carrying skis walked by. "You're the one who wanted to come out here so bad."

Raphael eyed the teenagers carefully, then leaned back over the seats when they had passed. "How long does it take ta rent a freakin' movie?" He caught sight of Carrie's blonde head behind a rack of DVDs and was about to reach for the horn when he noticed there was another blonde standing next to her.

"Who's that guy?" Raphael pointed his finger, narrowing his eyes as the tall, younger man threw his arm around Carrie's shoulders and walked her around the store. A low growl erupted unexpectedly from his throat, giving Leonardo the signal to intervene before his brother could jump from the vehicle.

"He's probably just a friend, Raph!" He yanked on his brother and pulled Raphael back next to him. "Why do you even care anyway?"

The red masked turtle snapped his lips together and looked away from Leonardo's questionable glare. "I don't."

Leonardo sat back and copied Raphael's posture, his eyes going back to his own window and he held his arms tightly to his chest. His interest in his brother's strange behavior suddenly disappeared when the dark-haired girl in the car suddenly arched up, reached up under her skirt and shuffled a pair of red lacy panties down her legs. Leonardo nervously cleared his throat and swallowed hard, his hot breath fogging up the window as he leaned in closer as the girl hung the underwear on the car's rear-view mirror, her butt cheek hang out as she bent over.

"Damn, I'm sittin' on the wrong side!"

He then felt Raphael fall over his lap and press his face against the window. Leonardo let out an annoyed sigh and was about to shove his brother away when Raphael let out an wicked laugh and pointed to the window.

"That chick's fuckin' _hairless_, Leo!" He laughed ago and moved his head around to get a better glance of the girl as she leaned over the seats to let her companion in, her bare crotch in full view. Raphael recognized the blonde guy as the one he had seen walking Carrie around, and after hearing the car door slam shut, he jumped back into his seat, looking back his own window like nothing ever happened.

Carrie sighed, turned the key, and sat quietly as the vehicle warmed up, her mind worlds away from the falling snow and the tourists that passed by. Her thoughts weren't even focused on the passengers in her back seat that were waiting for her to put the SUV into gear. All Carrie could do in her little dark cloud of misery was think about the ten minute conversation with Mark, and how he could still, after all this time, make her feel like the most insignificant person on the face of the planet. Tears welled up again, the same ones she had fought while in the rental store, and Carrie tried once more to push them back. She knew Mark was not worth it, but she couldn't escape her painful memories, and her heart broke all over again.

"Carrie?"

She blinked her wet eyes and looked in the mirror, the concern heavy on Leonardo's face.

"Are you alright?"

Carrie looked back at the neon red _Hollywood_ _Video_ sign, then put the gear shift into reverse. She didn't met with the two pairs of eyes as she backed out, ignoring the fact that they grew when they noticed the tears on her cheeks. She faced forward, then slammed on the gas, the tires sliding in the snow as the SUV swerved into the street, nearly missing an old couple in a Cadillac. Once they were out of town, Leonardo tried once more to talk, but stopped when Carrie stuck a CD into the stereo and hit play, the sounds of _Strong_ _Enough_ by Cher blasting the two turtles against the backseat and out of talking range. Carrie sang along with the song, her contralto voice cracking from the sobs in her throat, secretly wishing with every bass beat that she could someday really live by the words that echoed into her head.

* * *

The clock in the living room chimed midnight, and Carrie was sitting alone in the middle of the floor in front of the dying fire, her legs gathered up against her chest. She felt bad for not joining Leonardo and Raphael while they watched _Dawn Of the Dead_, her favorite horror flick, but Carrie wasn't in the mood for blood and guts when they had returned home. She knew they saw her tears, Leonardo more concerned than Raphael, but Carrie was grateful that neither one had pursued in asking her any questions. She locked herself in her room for three hours, crying and feeling sorry for herself the entire time, and gained nothing but a headache and snot-soaked pillows. Finally Carrie decided she needed to pick herself and continued on, like she had every other day since Mark had left, but when she reached downstairs, all she found was as cleaned kitchen and a warm fire, no sign of where her mutant house guests had gone. She sulked to the fire, cried a little more, then just sat still, now staring at the embers as they popped behind the metal mesh gate.

To distract herself, Carrie begin to think of her new book, which was due to the publisher in February, and her thoughts shifted from the romps of Jackie's new love interest to the romps she had enjoyed with Raphael earlier. She shuddered, trying to make herself believe that she didn't like the way he made her feel, that she didn't like how aggressive he was, how she could lose control of her body by just looking into his burning brown eyes, but Raphael had seen right through her. She was never good at acting, and pretending to hate the way he touched her was the biggest joke to him. Carrie laughed, a smile finally breaking through, knowing it was impossible to push such untamed feelings aside, and she looked toward the stairs, wondering if Raphael was asleep, and wondering even more if he was up for what she owed him.

Carrie turned to move but found herself suddenly wrapped in a pair of muscular green arms, and she melted into the cold chest plates of the one who held her.

"I was wondering if you were still up," Carrie whispered in a sultry voice, her fingers raking slowly across the green skin that was slowly warming from the fire. "I'm ready to pay you back for the good time you gave me."

"Excuse me?"

Carrie gasped and pulled back, her grey eyes wide as Leonardo looked back at her in the same way.

"Oh my god! Leo! What-what are you doing?" Carrie scooted back, nervously brushing her hair behind her ears.

"I was just giving you a hug." Leonardo sat back on his knees, visibly hurt that Carrie had moved away from him. "I figured you needed it after the night you had."

Carrie placed her hand over her chest to calm her fast-beating heart, and glared at him, her embarrassment masked by anger. "Did you have to be so sneaky about it? Do you have to be in 'ninja mood' _all_ the time?"

Leonardo lowered his eyes to the blue carpeting. "I just thought that- sorry." He slowly stood back up, his shoulders drooping, and he headed for the stairs. Carrie smacked herself in the forehead, making her headache ever worse, and chased after the anguished turtle.

"Leo, I'm sorry." Carrie grabbed at his wrist and pulled him back into her arms. "I shouldn't take things out on you. I'm just not happy with men right now, of _any_ species!"

Leonardo closed his eyes and held Carrie tightly, relishing in the warm feeling of her skin. "It's alright. I understand...sort of."

They both laughed, then Carrie pulled back, one arms still wrapped around Leonardo's shell as her right hand patted him on the cheek, which had become Carrie's way over the past month of showing the turtle her genuine affection.

"You are such a sweetheart."

Leonardo felt his cheeks flush, and he shook his head, a shy grin exploding on his face. "No...I'm-I-,"

"I swear, Leo, if you were human, women would be falling over themselves to be with you!" Carrie placed Leonardo's hands into hers and squeezed. "You are just so caring. Girls like someone they can cry on."

"That's why there are gay men," Leonardo suddenly blurted out, remembering a past conversation he had with his brothers and the smart remark Raphael had said about his 'caring' nature.

Carrie wrinkled her nose, confused by Leonardo's comment, but giggled along with him anyway. As he watched her laugh, Leonardo felt his body tense up, his primal urges beckoning him to grab Carrie, kiss her parted, full lips, and run his hands over the curves of her body. The sickening feeling in his stomach stirred again, his heart fighting back against the ache in his groin, and Leonardo had to push himself away from Carrie's grasp, almost falling against the bottom step behind him.

"Leo? What happened?" Carrie reached for his hand but Leonardo quickly pulled back.

"Nothing." He stated, his eyes moving around her. "I- I'm just tired."

"Me too, now that I think about it." Carrie yawned, stretching her hands above her head, her shirt raising up to show her stomach. Leonardo sucked in a deep breaths as he watched her abs tighten and release, his hands wanting to caress the area around her navel, the glow of the fire complimenting how soft her skin was.

"I've got to get up early and work on my book." Carrie's voice broke Leonardo's corrupt fantasies. " But, first, I need to lock the doors."

"I already got back one when I came in." Leonardo said, moving in a fast pace up the steps to avoid another embarrassing moment.

Carrie turned to respond but found she was alone. She shrugged, then reached for the deadbolt, but jumped back as a loud pounding vibrated throughout the living room. She stood on her tiptoes to look out the peephole, then let her bottom jaw drop as she opened the door.

"Barry! What in the world are you-,"

Leonardo paused at the name of Carrie's editor, and he moved down two steps, crouching down against the wall to hear what was going on.

Barry plopped two brown leather suitcases at Carrie's feet and brushed the snow from his black hair.

"Since it had become impossible for me to carry on a good working relationship with you, I have decided to come and stay with you until you finish your next book!" He then pulled down his glasses, his blue eyes peering over the tops of the rims. "No matter _how_ long it takes!"

Leonardo leaned his head against the wall and closed his eyes, his nerves finally pushed over the edge as he channeled his brother for the right words to express himself.

" Holy shit."


	9. Chapter Nine: Obstacles

_Once again, the dirty version is on AFF. Enjoy!_

* * *

Chapter Nine: Obstacles 

Carrie was motionless, her jaw dropped in shock as Barry's words finally registered in her head.

"But, why-how-I-I don't think-," Her words broken by the thought of Barry sharing the bed upstairs with her mutant house guests.

"You can shut the door now, Girlie," Barry waved at Carrie as he pulled his gray scarf from his neck and removed his suede jacket. "What the country expression? Were you born in a barn, or something like that?"

After she realized that her hand was still stick on the back of the door knob, Carrie pushed the door closed and locked the dead bolt, wishing that she had thrown Barry outside first before doing so.

"I hope you got that leak fixed." Barry knelt down and unzipped one of his leather suitcases. "I'm exhausted! I didn't sleep on the ride up here. There were some people on that bus that looked like they would slit my throat and rob me blind if I had fallen asleep!" He turned his head toward Carrie and chuckled. "I think I downed twenty lattes on my way up here just to stay awake! Disgusting public transportation."

Carrie sighed, then put on a fake smile as she turned to Barry, but the smile disappeared as Barry pulled a small black and silver contraption from his suitcase.

"You brought your _own_ latte machine!"

"Well, Girlie, both of us know I can't stand that New Age tea-drinking thing of yours!" Barry smiled quickly, then push his glasses back up and went into the kitchen. Carrie wrinkled her nose, disgusted by Barry's comments, and followed him through the house.

"You know, the Chinese were drinking tea _way_ before white people were!"

Barry shook his head, dismissing Carrie's pointless conversation, and plugged the latte machine up next to the white toaster. "All I am saying is that I can handle your 'organic lifestyle', but I need my caffeine. There's not a Starbucks around for 500 miles!"

Carrie buried her face into her hands and let out a low growl. "Look, Barry. I'm sorry that I haven't been returning your calls-,"

"_Answering the phone_ would be the better choice of words!" Barry interrupted.

"Whatever!" Carrie pulled her hair back from her face and held it tightly in her palms. "The thing is I've been really busy and, with you here- you're going to make me uncomfortable because I'll feel rushed, and both of us know I can't work under pressure like that!"

Barry leaned against the counter, his long arms crossing over his brown turtleneck as he peered at Carrie through his glasses, his thin lips pushed together.

"You're _still_ hiding something!"

Carrie's jaw dropped down again and she threw her arms above her head. "_Why _do you keep assuming that?"

"Girlie, come on!" Barry tossed his black hair around as he headed back for the living room. "Your strange behavior, not returning my calls, and you _obviously_ don't want me here, when any other time you'd welcome me with open arms!" He stopped in front of the stairs, ignorant to the bulky shadow that sat only a few feet up from him. "I've know you for a long time, Carrie, and not _once _during those ten years have I _ever _seen acting so strangely!"

"Barry, I've just been-," Carrie took a deep breath, her brain working overtime to come up with a believe lie. "See, I've- things have just been _so_-,"

"Yeah, nice try." Barry's smug smile returned and he went to collect his bags. "Whatever your excuse is, and I know you're trying really hard to think of one, it can wait. I need some sleep. Lord knows I need dark circles under my eyes again! I'm too far out in the boonies to get a good facial."

* * *

"Raph! Raphael! Wake up!" 

"What!" Raphael grumbled as he lifted his head from the soft pillow, his good dreams shattered by Leonardo's rude awakening. He rubbed at his eyes and tried to focus on his brother through the darkness. "What the hell is it now?"

"We need to get to the barn!" Leonardo shoved the window up, sending a blast of cold air at Raphael's skin. "Hurry!" He reached over to the dresser, grabbed Raphael's bandana and threw it at the bed. "Come on!"

Raphael sat up, his teeth chattering from the cold, his eyes still half closed in an evil glare at Leonardo as he tied his bandana back on.

"Am I even gonna get a reason _why_?"

Leonardo paused, his left leg hanging out in the night air. "How about the fact that Carrie's editor is here and on his way up right now!"

"Huh?" Raphael stood and stretched his arms, turning around to glance at the clock on the bedside table. "It's 12:30 in the fuckin' mornin'!"

"I'll explain on our way to the barn! Come on!" Leonardo dropped from sight, his feet crunching in the snow a few seconds later.

Raphael scratched at his head, still lost in a sleepy daze. "Editor? What's he talkin' about?"

"Barry! Wait!"

"Girlie, I'm tired! We can play this little game in the morning!"

"Holy shit!" Raphael exclaimed, feeling fully awake as the brass handle turned and the door cracked open. He dashed from the window and leaped out just as Barry burst in.

Barry stood still for a minute, watching as the long curtains blew in the breeze from the open window before setting his bags down.

"Why is that open? You do realize it's winter out there, right?" Barry hurried over and slammed the window shut. Carrie let out the breath she had been holding and sank against the wall.

"Would you believe I was airing out the room for you?" Carrie suddenly laughed, her jumpy nerves and the curious look that Barry held making her feel like she was borderline insane.

* * *

"This is fuckin' bullshit!" Raphael yelled, his feet stomping around on the hay loft as he paced. "Who does that guy think he is?" 

"It doesn't matter!" Leonardo looked out of the loft's wide window to the house's upstairs lights. "This just means that we can't stay here anymore."

Raphael stopped dead in his tracks and turned his fiery eyes on his brother. "What? I ain't gonna let some pansy ass push us out!"

"Raph! We need to be realistic about our situation!" Leonardo turned from the window and sat down against the hay bails. "We can't risk being discovered by that guy! We need to leave!"

"So we can get caught by Bishop?" Raphael argued. "Yeah, that's _so_ much better!"

Leonardo glared at Raphael's sarcasm. "Why does it matter to you? Any other time you would be gone before the decision was even made!"

Raphael turned away from Leonardo's accusing stare, and moved to the railing, looking down at the dimly lit barn floor. He sighed heavily, his thoughts stuck on the blonde in the house and little else.

"All I'm sayin' is that we're safer in here than out there!" Raphael rubbed at his sleepy eyes and yawned, and was slightly shocked when Leonardo suddenly agreed with him.

"You're right. We are better off."

"Damn right I am." Raphael yawned again and moved back to the nest he had created days before. He crawled up on the floor, placing one hand under the side of his head, and Leonardo watched suspiciously as Raphael dragged a finger across the bed of straw next to him, a pleased grin on his face that stayed lit while his eyes slowly shut for the night.

* * *

The next morning, Carrie tromped around in the snow, not finding a trace of Leonardo and Raphael anywhere, and she was worried that the presence of Barry had frightened them away. The first place she had checked was the barn's loft, where she found two empty piles of scattered hay, and it gave her some relief to know that they had slept there during the night. But as the sun rose higher and the barn stayed empty, Carrie thought for sure that they had left for good. 

Carrie walked around the yard, her eyes bouncing around through the woods, still hoping to catch a glance of the turtles. She threw another stick for her dogs to fetch as she moved around to the back of the barn, noticing that the snow in the back was high, still untouched by the rays from the sun. Carrie shoved her hands into the deep pockets of her light blue hooded jacket, the ends of her black peasant skirt rustling as she took long strides across the snow, breaking through it with her knee-high black suede boots. She then laughed at herself as she watched the fabric twist around the boots, wondering what had made her put on a skirt when it was no more than thirty degrees outside.

Artex was the first to bring the stick back, Atreyu right on her tail, and they both sat patiently as Carrie patted both of their heads and tossed the stick again. They watched it sail far into the woods, then took off, nipping and banging into each other as they raced on. Carrie smiled at their puppyish antics, then let out a deep breath as she leaned against the back wall of the barn, pulling her head back a little as the wooden splinters from the old wood grabbed the ends of her hair. Her gray eyes fixated on the smashed snow beneath her boots, and she scooted some of it around, collecting it into a small pile in an attempt to make a snowman without using her hands. Carrie became so enthralled in her little effort that she didn't notice the figure that was standing next to her, watching with an amused smile.

"Whataya doin'?"

Carrie let out a shriek and jumped against the barn, glaring at Raphael as she placed her hand over her heart to slow down the beats.

"Don't do that!" Carrie smacked Raphael's shoulder. "_Why_ must you guys do that all the time!"

Raphael took a step back and raised his hands up, the cold sting from Carrie's frozen fingers still burning his dark green skin. "Jeez, what's got yer panties in a bunch?"

"I'm sorry, it's-," Carrie growled and pointed to the house. Raphael nodded, knowing exactly what she meant. "I feel so bad about forcing you guys out of the house. I had no _idea_ he was coming!"

"Hey, it's cool." Raphael watched Carrie paced around, enjoying the way the black skirt clung to her hips and slid around the boots.

"And I was so scared that you guys left!" Carrie went on, not noticing Raphael's anxious stare. "I'm going to try to get him to leave. At least make him stay in town or something. But I don't know that will work because ski season has started, and the town is going to be packed _full_ of tourists and-,"

Raphael seized Carrie's waist, stopping her from pacing anymore. "Okay, ya just need ta shut up. Yer yappin' is makin' me insane." He pulled her back toward his body, making sure that her rear end hit up against his thigh.

"Oh, my god! You don't think that-," Carrie gasped in disbelief as Raphael's cold fingers dug their way under her jacket and white blouse to reach the bare skin of her stomach. "Oh no, no, no!" She pushed on Raphael's leg with her boot and moved away, holding her arms closely to her chest. "There's no _way _we're doing-_that_-out here!"

"Why not?" Raphael chuckled and looked around. "Ya afraid someone's gonna catch us?" He moved slowly toward Carrie until he had trapped her against the barn. "Don't ya think it makes more _excitin_' when ya think someone is watchin' ya?"

"You are disgusting." Carrie plainly stated, her hands pushing on Raphael's chest plates to keep his mouth away from hers. "Seriously, Raph. I told you we weren't going to make this an all time thing either!"

"Ya say things, but that don't mean nothin'," Raphael grabbed Carrie's hands and pushed back, his brown eyes drilling into her. "I _know_ ya want it."

Carrie growled and yanked her hands away, this time holding Raphael back with her knee, the scar from the bike just below. "Then you must also _know_ that you are an egotistical jerk-off who needs a few lessons from his brother in respecting women."

Raphael's grin dropped and his eyes turned into small slits. Before Carrie could react, Raphael grabbed her knee and turned her around, slamming her face first against the barn, holding his arm in her back to keep her still.

"Do we havta keep playin' this game of yours?" Raphael whispered into Carrie's ear while working his free hand back under her jacket. " Why do ya havta keep makin' me mad? Ya get off on shit like that or somethin'?"

Carrie stifled her breath as Raphael's fingers raked across the lace fabric of her white bra. Her nipples had already been hard from the cold air, but feeling his touch on the bottom of her breasts made them grow harder and tingle with anticipation.

"I'm not the only one." Carrie closed her eyes as Raphael's lips trailed down her neck. "As I recall, you didn't mind being _bitched at _last time."

Raphael chuckled. "Looks like we're both sick individuals."

Carrie's giggle turned into a moan as Raphael played with her breasts, both of his hands working around on them this time, and Carrie arched her back, pressing her butt against Raphael's crotch. Raphael responded by pushing back with his aching groin, and his brain quickly begin of a way he could relieve his ache without changing their positions. He removed his hands from Carrie's breasts and knelt down to get under her skirt. Carrie turned her head to look over her shoulder as Raphael pulled her panties down, pushing one of her snow-covered boats through the hole and letting them slid down the other leg. Raphael grabbed a tall piece of wood from the nearby woodpile and beat it down into the snow, hoping it would be steady enough to keep Carrie's leg elevated. Carrie knew exactly what Raphael had planned and she wasted no time in placed her boot on the log and Raphael stood back up, the bottom of her skirt still up and her rear end exposed to the cold.

As they engaged in their wild romp, Carrie rested her forehead on the barn, her thoughts drifting back to another time, and to another lover. She had been thinking about the similarities between Raphael's aggressiveness and Mark's domineering since her and Raphael's first encounter. Both made her feel dirty, very pleased and physically fulfilled, but that little nagging voice in her head that had always told her she needed more was starting to come back, and Carrie did everything in her power to block it out.

"Carrie? Carrie! Hey Girlie! Where are you?"

Carrie snapped out of her thoughts and lifted up her head, the beads of sweat vaporizing in the cold air.

"Oh... shit!" She stammered as she tried to regain her breath. "It's...Barry. You...you gotta get...out of here."

Raphael, who had stopped when he heard Barry's voice, threw Carrie an evil grin and slowly pushed himself back against her. Carrie moaned and bit her lip, her eyes growing wide as Barry called out again.

"Carrie! This isn't funny! We're a bit too old for hide and seek!"

"Raph! Come on!" Carrie whipped her head around, spitting out her hair as it hit her dry lips. "Either get off or get out!"

"But don't ya wanna see his face when he comes around that corner and sees ya gettin' screwed by a giant turtle?" Raphael whispered.

"No! Not really!" Carrie tried to pull her butt back but found Raphael's grasp too strong. "I mean it! Stop it!"

Raphael pushed her closer to the barn wall."I'll finish, but only if ya do somethin' for me."

Carrie sighed, her insides aching for a release. "Anything, just hurry!"

He leaned in closer, taking a few nibbles of her neck and ear before speaking.

"I want ya ta scream out my name."

"What!" Carrie sent her elbow into Raphael's chest in another attempt to free herself. "There is no _way_ I'm-,"

"Nice and loud." Raphael put his hands going back under Carrie's blouse. "I want _everyone_ ta hear ya."

As Carrie reached her climax and the sounds of Barry footsteps grew closer, she knew she had no other choice but to appease Raphael. She screamed out his name at the top of her lungs, then heard him chuckled as he whispered into her ear again.

"That a girl."

Carrie then slumped to the ground, her shaking legs bent under her, her head still leaned against the wall. Her deep breaths were shallow from the cold air that hit her lungs, the exhales coming out in great white clouds that disappeared in seconds. Carrie pushed her head back, glancing down at her bloody fingertips and the dozens of splinters that were poking out from under her nails. The sight made Carrie laugh slightly, but as footsteps rushed toward her, Carrie whipped her head around to make sure Raphael was out of sight.

"Carrie?" Barry skidded in the snow and dropped to her side, immediately taking her fingers into his hands. "Oh my god, what happened to you? I heard you scream and-,"

The color drained from Carrie's face as Barry looked around, his eyes stopping on the log that was still standing upright in the snow. He looked back at her, his dark brown eyebrows arched in a quizzical manner.

"I think I know exactly what was going on here."

"You-you do?" Carrie blinked her eyes, hoping that the hair in her face hid her horrified expression.

Barry brushed her bangs aside and patted her flushed cheeks. "Clumsy little Carrie, I know thee so well. You obviously fell and tried to catch yourself." Barry looked up and pointed to a metal beam that stuck out from the barn's back wall. "The question would be _why_ you were standing on the log in the first place?"

Carrie's eyes drifted to the beam and said the first thing that popped into her head.

"Cat."

"A _cat_?" Barry repeated, his brow narrowing even more.

"Yeah!" Carrie nodded vigorously. "A wild cat. It was just sitting up there and I tried to reach up to recuse it-," Her finger jumped out of Barry's grasp and pointed at the log. "I couldn't reach, and-and my boot slipped!" She flashed Barry a wide smile, hoping that he fully bought her story.

"You and your animals." Barry shook his head and stood up, leaning over to pull Carrie to her feet. "Is it really worth killing yourself to save one?"

Carrie took Barry's hands and began to push herself up when she realized that her panties were still hanging around her left boot.

"Hey! Look! There is goes!" Carrie shoved her finger over Barry's shoulder toward the woods. As he turned completely around, Carrie bent down, removed her underwear and quickly shoved them into her jacket pocket just as Barry shifted back, the wide, innocent smile still on her flushed face.

"He's fast, huh? Oh, well!" Carrie shrugged her shoulders and turned Barry back around. "Anyway, I'll be inside in a minute. Go make yourself a latte or something!"

"But I've already had one!" Barry felt Carrie's hands suddenly shove him forward, almost sending him into the snow.

"A few more won't hurt!" Carrie waved him on, her smile still shining bright. "Go on! I'll be inside in a minute!"

After Barry shook his head and went back into the house, Raphael peered around the corner, still laughing from Carrie's performance.

"A wild cat, huh?" He chuckled.

Carrie glared at the turtle, the smile turning into a wicked grin as her legs began to shake again. "How did you finish without making any noise?"

Raphael copied Carrie's grin and gave her a wink. "I'm ninja, remember? Silence and stealth are my strong points. Maybe I could give ya a lesson in it sometime."

"Oh, please!" Carrie rolled her eyes and turned around, the satisfied smile lingering on her face as she walked back to the house.


	10. Chapter Ten: Conversations

Chapter Ten: Conversations

A week consists of seven days, and each day felt like a lifetime to Carrie as she ricocheted around her once quiet and normal life trying to hide all of secrets that had seemed to manifest around her. If she wasn't being bombarded by questions by Barry as to why she was going out to the barn all hours of the day, it was keeping her illicit affair with Raphael away from Leonardo, which in itself had become a difficult task as Raphael chose the most outlandish spots for their little erotic trysts, knowing that either his brother or Barry were within hearing range. Carrie thought at first the wild romps were exhilarating, but the closer they came to being caught, the fun started to fall from it, and Carrie began to believe that Raphael was only doing it now to excite himself, and further embarrass her. As the days went on, Carrie made herself more absent from the Turtles and stayed holed up in her study, typing away at her book, and hoped with a sickened heart that the mutants would find a way to get back to their family. She hated the thought of being so spiteful, even to Leonardo, who had shown her nothing but kindness and understanding, but Carrie knew it was for her own sanity, and her crippled emotions, that she was doing the right thing.

* * *

The deep snow crunched softly under Raphael's feet as he quickened his pace through the woods, knowing that if he wasn't back where he was supposed to be, his brother would surely strip the shell from his back. But it wasn't like Raphael really cared. He had been making Leonardo extremely angry over the past few days by not doing what he was supposed to be doing, or being where he was supposed to be. He knew his brother's tolerance was thinning out, and Raphael was running out of excuses to use. Several times Raphael had wanted to tell Leonardo the truth about his fling with Carrie, but deep down, Raphael already had the feeling the his very intuitive brother already knew.

As Raphael pushed on past the thick clusters of pine trees, he began to wonder about Carrie again. Her behavior towards him had suddenly turned malicious, and her responses to his sexual advances were more than just a mere shove or a playful punch. And the last three days that they went without getting home cooked meals delivered to the barn only heightened Raphael's deeply hidden concerns. He found himself worrying over Carrie's thoughts of him, sadden by her rejections, and even a little heartbroken that she had stopped coming to see them. Raphael grumbled at himself, sickened at the thought of actually _feeling_ something for Carrie, and he told himself he knew better than that little voice inside of him that he was defiantly _not _the type that had feelings for anyone.

Raphael skidded to a stop in the middle of a grove of sycamores and whipped his head around as he looked for any signs of his brother. He wasn't sure how long he had been gone, or exactly how far it was from the house to their meeting point, and Raphael hoped with everything that he had inside of him that Leonardo was still out in the woods.

"Where have you been?"

Raphael slowly turned his eyes upward and felt his hopes slid away. Leonardo was perched on a branch, hanging upside down by his knees, the look on his face enough to give Raphael more shivers than the cold snow on the ground.

"I was-out there. Still lookin', ya know?" Raphael rubbed at the chill on his forearms, dodging the mean stare his brother was giving him.

Leonardo released his knees from the branch and landed perfectly on his feet, his eyes still fixed on Raphael. "Don't lie to me, Raph. I know you took off. I know you went back to the house. I followed you there and all the way back."

"So what if I did?" Raphael pulled up his invisible wall and glared back. " Why the hell didja follow me for?"

"We are _supposed _to be looking for your bike!" Leonardo jumped into Raphael's face, letting out his pent up anger through his voice. "_That_ was our plan, remember! To find your bike and fix it so we could go back to the city!"

"No! That was _your_ plan, Leo!" Raphael yelled back. " I never agreed to nothin' ya came up with!"

Leonardo crossed his arms and sneered, totally conscience but not caring about the words that were about to come out of his mouth.

"No, of course not , Raph. I forgot that you seem to care more about _screwing_ our hostess than finding our family!"

Raphael's eyes doubled in shock as the realization of Leonardo's accusation sunk into his head.

"How-why- how can ya say somethin' like that!" He moved closer to Leonardo and pushed at his shoulders. ""How couldja stand there and say that I don't care about the others! Fuckin' accuse me of doin' shit with Carrie-,"

"Would you stop acting like I don't know what's going on!" Leonardo's voice rose an octave as his hands clenched. "I'm not stupid, Raph! It's a little hard to hide something like that when you guys are going at it right next to my _head_ while I'm trying to sleep!"

Raphael relaxed the tension in his body and began to laugh. "Yeah. I forgot ya were a light sleeper."

Leonardo sighed and growled at the smug smile on his brother's face. "Look, Raph, the point is you _can't_ keep leading Carrie on like that. You're going to end up hurting her-,"

"What!" Raphael's laughter rose higher. "Oh, fuck, my gut hurts!"

"_Why_ are you _laughing_ about that?"

Raphael wiped at the tears in his eyes then shook his head. "Bro, I know ya think Carrie is some emotionally clingy person like _you_ are, but the reality of it is she knows that there ain't no strings attached ta what we're doin'. Just think of as gettin' off for gettin' off's sake."

Leonardo wrinkled his nose. "That's disgusting."

"Trust me, Leo." Raphael patted his brother shoulder then gave it a hearty squeeze. "There ain't nothin' _complicated_ about it. And if ya don't believe me, go ask Carrie yerself. She'll tell ya the same damn thing."

"It's still revolting," Leonardo pulled away from Raphael and shuddered from the naughty visions that suddenly appeared in his head that contradicted his words. "I don't see how you can keep doing that and even _try_ to care about someone."

"What? And give up my freedom to become a sobbing mess like _you_?" Raphael laughed again, his chuckles echoing around them as he started to walk away. " The way I see it, things are _way_ easier if ya just fuck 'em and leave 'em."

"If you say so," Leonardo shrugged, still uncomfortable with Raphael's view point. "But haven't you ever wondered about it? How great it would be to love one person completely?"

Raphael stopped dead in his tracks and swallowed at the lump in his throat, scared that Leonardo was reading his mind and probing at his deepest thoughts. He let out a cough then turned back around, his lips curled into a false expression of disgust.

"What the _fuck _is _this_? Some Dr. Phil special?" Raphael let out a growl then turned back around, mocking Leonardo's words under his breath as the two of them started their search over again. "Just cause ya had some kind of sick thing with Karai doesn't mean I gotta do the same."

"Excuse me?" Leonardo pulled Raphael back by his arm. " It was not some sick _thing_, okay? And you promised me you wouldn't bring that back up!"

"Oh, for cryin' out loud, Leo!" Raphael threw his arms into the air as his last inch of patience disappeared. " Would ya just get over it already! I don't give a rat's ass about it! Whatever the fuck you and yer hard-on want ta bang, that's yer fuckin' business! And I would really _appreciate_ it if ya just stayed outta mine!" He inhaled deeply, then exhaled slowly to regain his composure.

"Now, if ya don't mind, I gotta find my fuckin' bike so I can get back ta my family."

Raphael raged off into the woods, leaving Leonardo to stand alone in his self-made storm of hurt and confusion.

* * *

"_Tell me, Jackie," Taylor whispered as he stroked Jackie's tear-soaked cheek, the warmth of her full bodied flush venting through them. "Tell me what Luke can give you that I can't?"_

_Jackie pushed back the scream that perched on the edge of her tongue. Her body shook uncontrollably, but she knew it wasn't from the intense orgasm that Taylor had just given her. She was scared of him, scared of what he was capable of, scared of what everyone in her family would do if they found about their affair. She thought of Luke, how he was far across the ocean waters, fighting for his country, and she wanted nothing more than to feel his gentle touch on her body instead of the rough strokes Taylor was applying to her white velvet skin._

"_Jackie," Taylor pushed his rock hard, sweaty body against her, his deep voice almost warning her from giving too much thought into her answer. "Tell me what makes Luke better than me?"_

_After swallowing the lump in her throat, Jackie took in a sharp breath and replied in a self-assured tone that even surprised her. _

"_The bond I share with Luke is greater than anything you could ever give me, Taylor. I may have given into you and let you sleep in my bed, but there is a feeling that is much stronger than lust. It's called love, and it's something that I could never, ever feel for you."_

Carrie sat back in her chair, her fingers rubbing at the bridge of her nose, cringing at the ache that her reading glasses were bringing to her eyes. She then subconsciously reached for the bag of mini peanut butter cups that sat just above her keyboard, only to look down and find she had eaten the entire thing, a scattered pile of foil and paper wrappers left behind. Carrie cursed at herself as she brushed the wrappers into the wastebasket next to her desk, then pulled back a drawer to scrounge around for more chocolate. She pulled out handful of peppermint patties and viscously attacked the silver wrappers. After shoving three into her mouth at once, Carrie re-read over the chapter she had just typed, not caring if it had turned out the way she had wanted it too. The book was almost complete, way ahead of schedule as Barry had wanted, and Carrie was glad there was only one more chapter to go. All she had to do was bring Luke home from the war, reunite him with Jackie, make her illicit affair with Taylor long forgotten, and Carrie could go back into her own world of solitude where there were no mutant turtles using her for sex or pushy editors breathing down her neck.

The radio near the window started to play _My Happy Ending_, Carrie's favorite Avril Lavigne song, and she nodded her head to the beat, her thoughts going to Mark as they always did when she heard that song. She popped two more patties into her mouth and laid her head back the top of the chair, her blonde hair falling as she pulled it out of the ponytail that had held it all day. Carrie let her voice rise as the song continued, not caring that Barry was across the hall sleeping, nor did she take heed to the sudden clicking as the lock of the study's window opened and a shadowy figure crept across the plush carpeting.

"Carrie."

The scream that rose from her lungs was silenced by a green hand, and Carrie whirled around in her chair to come face to face with Leonardo.

"I _swear_ I'm buying bells to put on your neck!" Carrie pointed an angry finger at the blue-masked turtle, her heart still racing in her chest. "What are you doing in here anyway?"

Leonardo looked down at the floor as Carrie's aggressive glare made him feel guilty. "I, uh, I was wondering if you had any scrap pieces of metal hanging around anywhere."

Carrie blinked her eyes in confusion to his strange request. "Uh, you can use that old tractor that's sitting in the barn. I have no need for it."

"Okay," Leonardo rubbed the back of his head, then turned to the window. "Well, thanks. And good night."

"Wait, wait." Carrie threw her glasses to the desk and pulled Leonardo back. "Are you even going to tell me _why_ you need scrap metal?"

"We found Raph's bike." Leonardo gave his answer in short sentences, still refusing to look Carrie in the face. "He's fixing it right now. Should be out of here in a few days." He again tried to leave but found himself right back in front of Carrie.

"Leo, what's wrong?" Carrie stood up so she could look directly into his brown eyes. "Why are you acting so funny?"

Leonardo exhaled and finally made eye contact with Carrie. "It's..."

"And don't you dare say it's nothing or I'll kick your ass!"

Leonardo rolled his eyes and let himself fall back against the pillows that sat on the bench beneath the window sill, waiting as Carrie shut down her computer and joined him before speaking.

"I know."

Carrie froze in place, her mouth opened just enough to bring in a deep breath. "You _know_ about what?"

Leonardo laughed and shook his head. "Come on, Carrie. Raph couldn't pull the 'playing dumb' act off either. I know about you guys, okay?"

"Oh. Okay." Carrie began to hang her head, feeling more sickened than shameful, but felt Leonardo's hand pushed it back up.

"I'm not upset at you. It's-_him_ that I'm pissed at." Leonardo felt a shiver go through him, knowing it more anger-related than weather-related. "I should have known he was going to-to...he just does it all the time and it makes me sick!"

Carrie let her expression soften and she took Leonardo's hands into her own. "Leo, it's okay. It's sweet that you're concerned but, you don't need to worry about me. I was more at fault for letting it all happen than Raph was."

"Huh?" Leonardo asked, his eyes suddenly huge.

"It's kind of an embarrassing, _personal_ thing, but-," Carrie felt her cheeks blush at Leonardo's shocked expression. "I like-I just have these sexual _urges_ and your brother just, well, _pushed_ all of the right buttons, so to speak, and-,"

"Okay! I don't need to hear this!" Leonardo jerked his hands away and placed them on the sides of his head. "Please spare me the details."

"God, Leo," Carrie laughed and pulled Leonardo's hands back down in her lap. "All I'm saying is Raph just fulfilled something I've needed for a while. That's all."

Leonardo shuddered again, his brain swarming with dirty images that he couldn't shake. "So, you really don't want more from him?"

"Oh, god, no!" Carrie also shuddered. "He's a pig! How could any girl put up with that for an extended period of time?"

"He's not _that_ bad," Leonardo heard himself say, silently wondering why he was defending his brother. "Raph just likes to act like he doesn't care about anything-or _anyone_, for that matter. It takes a lot to bring it out of him. I think it makes him feels weak if he opens up."

"You know him better than I do." Carrie scoffed. "But, anyway, you don't have to worry about us doing _that_ anymore. I got what I wanted and I cut him off."

"I never would have thought you were like that." Leonardo gazed deep into Carrie's eyes, unaware that he pushed a few locks of her hair behind her ear. "You just seemed more-_loving_, I guess."

Carrie blushed at Leonardo's act of kindness and let out a hurtful sighed. "I used to be, but something happened that changed all of that. I've had to learn to detach myself emotional wise from people. I never try to get close to anyone anymore."

"What happened?" Leonardo asked, suddenly concerned as he wiped away the tear that ran down Carrie's cheek.

Carrie let out another sigh as a few more tears found their way down her face.

"When I first moved here, I had a hard time adjusting. It was such a far cry from the fast paced life I knew in L.A., and living where I do, so far from town, I really didn't get out and meet people. Barry was the one who gave me the push out the door, so to speak, and made me travel with him on the weekends to hit the various clubs scenes around the area. I'm such a homebody, and I hate going to places like that, but Barry told me I needed to get out and enjoy life before I got old and resented myself for not doing so."

"So, do you _always_ do what people tell you to?" Leonardo interrupted with a sly grin on his face.

Carrie giggled and turned her eyes to the stars in the darken sky. "Yes, I can be quite the pushover, and it was even worse when I was younger and more naive." She sniffed back another tear, her gaze drifting over to the lights in the barn. " I was the perfect human doormat, and I think that's what attracted Mark to me in the first place."

"Mark?" Leonardo asked, and Carrie quickly brought her eyes back to him.

"It was the night we went down to Albany to try out this new club that had just opened. I had a few too many, and I'm not very good at holding my alcohol. So there I was, drunk off my ass, attempting to play a game of pool, all by myself, and using the wrong end of the stick. Suddenly, this tall, _gorgeous_ blonde comes up to me with this blaring white smile and these bright green eyes, wraps his arms around me and shows me the 'right' way to play pool. Of course I was so juiced up that I just flirted right back, unaware that I was making a fool of myself in the process. But I am proud to say I didn't go home with him that night."

"Well, that's good." Leonardo nodded.

"Not really, because he actually came home with me." Carrie blushed again and let out a small laugh at Leonardo's wrinkled forehead and arched brow. "I know it was wrong, both I think I was just so lonely, and obviously too drunk to even care. But that's how I met Mark. Pretty playboy Mark Roman, heir to the ski resort kingdom that rules over the Northern Half of the United States."

"Oookay," Leonardo replied to Carrie's fairytale-like description about the man she had grown to hate.

"I don't know exactly what I saw in him." Carrie continued, her voice wavering between sadness and anger. "His outside appearance was the only beautiful thing about him. Mark was, well, _still is_- mean, manipulative, and so spoiled. He never made me feel good about myself. He would always down my writing, told me I would never make it as a writer. I don't think once in the four years I was with him did I ever get a kind word from him."

"You stayed with him for _how_ long!" Leonardo gasped.

"Like I said, I was naive." Carrie hung her head. "Even when I did try to end things, he would always tell me that no one would ever want me, that I needed to stay with him because I couldn't survive on my own. He totally controlled every aspect of my life, and I was too weak to get away from him. I thought his reasons behind treating me so horribly was because he loved me, so I gave into him time and time again. The sad part was that I really did love him, even after I realized he didn't want to return it."

Leonardo sighed and pushed back more of Carrie's hair away from the tears on her face. "I know how that feels."

"What?" Carrie's head shot up and she wiped at her face. "You know how _what _feels?"

"How to have someone not return your love. How you can give yourself completely to another and get nothing back." Leonardo looked out into the night sky, his thoughts drifting back into his past. "Guess that statement you made about the line between sex and love being blurred was true."

"But-but I thought you'd never-,"

Leonardo smiled as his eyes drifted back to Carrie. "It's not important right now. Please, go on."

Carrie took a second to regain her thoughts, then started to talk again, even though she continued to think about Leonardo's comment as she spoke.

" It was near the end of June, and Mark's father had pushed him into purposing to me, which I knew even then that he didn't really want to do. I reluctantly accepted, throwing out the dream I had of being a writer. I was ready to give up everything that I ever wanted in life just to stay with him. But just a few weeks before the wedding, I found out that Mark was cheating on me. Not just once, but during the _entire_ time we had been seeing each other."

"That's horrible." Was the only thing Leonardo could say as Carrie swept away more tears.

"It was then that I realized what was really going on, who and _what_ Mark _really_ was, and how much of my happiness I had wasted staying with him. I don't think he expected me to lash out like I did. I threw him out of my house, took all of his belongings to Main Street and set them on fire, right in the middle of the day so the whole town could see how much he hurt me." Carrie smiled through her tears and laughed slightly. "I can still remember Mark screaming at me in front of everyone, calling me an insane bitch as he hopped around the bonfire. The whole town was laughing at him. It embarrassed him so bad that he left town. He just recently came back, but five months isn't long enough for this small town to forget things like that."

Leonardo smiled again, happy to see Carrie laughing. "So, that was who we saw with in the video store that night?"

The laughter died all at once and Carrie felt another veil of sadness fall over her. "Yeah, but seeing him again- it just opens up all of those old emotional scars that I had tried so had to hide. He still has the ability to hurt me, to make me feel like a worthless person, even though I know that I'm not."

"I'm glad you know that. You are defiantly not worthless." Leonardo reached out and placed his hand on Carrie's shoulder, only to have Carrie fall forward into his welcoming embrace. She closed her eyes, placed her arms around his shell and snuggled up closer to his chest plates, which suddenly warmed from the heat of her flush cheeks.

"I told myself after he left that I would never let anyone take control of me like that ever again. I would just shut off my feelings and get what I wanted, then toss them aside like it was nothing." Carrie opened her eyes, the music in the background fading in and out of her ears. "That's what I was doing with Raph. I just wanted to get out all of that sexual tension that I had been holding onto for so long. Is that wrong of me, Leo?"

Leonardo sighed as he felt Carrie tighten her grasp on him and he laid his head down on top of hers.

"I can see where you're hurt and would want to take it out on someone else, and Raph really needs to know what it's like to be on the other side. He's done it to so many others, and he goes on like it was nothing." Leonardo then pulled Carrie back and gazed into her eyes. "But, I don't think it's right. All you end up doing is hurting yourself all over again. You're too kind to be like that, and Raph-well, he'll wake up one day and realize, in his own way, what he's been doing."

Carrie inhaled sharply, trying to hold back the flood in her eyes, knowing that Leonardo was right and it caused her to become disgusted with herself.

"I didn't want to hurt him, Leo. God, I really am sick in the head! I'll never get past this!"

Leonardo shook his head. "No. You're still suffering from a broken heart, and its confusing your judgement." He then paused as Raphael's words came back to him and suddenly cleared his mind.. "You just need to let things go."

Carrie let her tears fall as she placed her head back against Leonardo's chest and took in a deep breath, her body tightened as she felt Leonardo tense up again. The uncomfortable strain that she had noticed weeks ago between them suddenly reappeared, and Carrie was overcome with fear that she was starting to fall for Leonardo, but quickly shook it off, knowing that it had to be his understanding nature that was making Carrie feel the way she did. She was safe with him, and she wanted to keep it that way. But the tension in Leonardo's body was becoming more apparent, and Carrie took that as a signal to back off from her embrace.

She pulled back and wiped at her cheeks, then noticed the look of fear that was smeared across Leonardo's face. Carrie then turned in the direction of Leonardo's horrified stare and realized that she was not the one who had made him tense up. It was the disheveled figure in the doorway that was wearing a blue t-shirt and striped pajama pants that had actually scared Leonardo, and all the figure could do was rub at his blurry vision to make sure he wasn't dreaming about seeing his friend in the arms of a giant turtle.

"Barry, wait. I can explain-" Carrie jumped to her feet and rushed to the door, only to have Barry stop her with his open palm shooting into her face.

"Girlie, I think we've got some things to talk about."


	11. Chapter Eleven: Exposure

Chapter Eleven: Exposure

Barry slowly sipped at the steaming foam of his coffee while his eyes zipped back and forth between the two giant turtles that sat on the far side of the couch, and Carrie, who was curled up in the chair. He took a deep breath, opened his mouth to speak, but found his words had drifted away again, and he went back to pushing his lips together in a frown. He took another sip, then watched with a curious interest as the turtle creature that wore a red mask around his eyes glanced over at Carrie. Carrie lifted her eyes, obviously aware that the turtle was staring her down, and burned holes into him with her own cold glare while pulling the sides of her baby blue fleece bathrobe closer around her chest and holding it shut by crossing her arms. The warm air from the fire behind Barry wasn't enough to melt the cold hatred that was between them, so he moved his eyes back to the turtle with the blue mask, who was sitting cross-legged and held his hands firmly in his lap, his line of sight glued to the floor. Barry was more uneasy with the blue-masked turtle than with the other. He was not comfortable with the fact that the strange creature had his best friend Carrie wrapped tightly in some sort of embrace, and Carrie's tears only made Barry more suspicious. Whatever these two had planned for her, Barry knew that he had an obligation to protect Carrie, and he was going to make sure that neither one of them would harm her in any way.

Carrie, on the other hand, was losing her patience with Barry and finally broke through the long two-hour silence by blowing up at her bangs and clearing her throat.

"Are you going to say anything, Barry?" She growled. "Because if you're not, I'm going to bed."

Barry blinked his blue eyes behind their glass frames and was about to respond when the red masked turtle opened his mouth and spoke, the annoyance of their meeting very apparent in his Brooklyn accent.

"Yeah, I got shit I gotta do! So if ya havta get out all the alien, government-experiment crap, hurry up!"

"Excuse me?" Barry said after drawing another sip of coffee. "I'm sorry, I don't follow."

Raphael rolled his eyes and leaned forward, causing Barry to jump and spill his drink on his pajama pants.

"Look, _Gilman_, this whole meetin' new people thing, it ain't one of my favorite things ta do. I don't like people. Ya can't trust 'em."

"Raph, come on," Leonardo rose his head and rubbed at his aching temple.

"We ain't aliens, we didn't escape from Area 51, and we defiantly ain't a couple of geeks who got lost on the way to a Sci-Fi convention." Raphael stood, his eyes narrowed at everyone in the room, and he pulled at the ends of his belt and tighten the knot. "And if ya even _think_ about calling anyone about us, you'll be lucky ta even have a voice ta talk with!"

"Raph! Get out of here!" Carrie jumped to her feet and pointed toward the dining room. "Barry is _not_ going to do _anything_, so back the _fuck_ off!"

The silence once again returned. Leonardo cowered back into the cushions of the couch, and Barry, who had seen Carrie mad before, felt his hands shaking from the raw anger that flooded Carrie's words. Raphael was even taken aback, his eyes wide as the sting from Carrie's tone sunk in. He locked into her icy stare for a few seconds longer before turning around, the back door slamming a moment later. Carrie inhaled a sharp breath of air, the exhale coming out in shakes, and she tried to hold back the tears in her eyes while she spoke calmly.

"This is just something I can't deal with right now. I've had a long, _long_ day and I just want to sleep. Barry-,"

"Yes?" Barry looked up from his cup, his eyes peering cautiously over the tops of his glasses.

Carrie took in another breath. "I know this is a lot to take in and in such a short time, but they are really what I said they were. So if you think that I've lost my mind, then make sure you tell them I need my white coat to be a medium size."

"But, Carrie, I-," Barry stopped as Carrie's hands flew up and she moved past the couch, pausing to kiss Leonardo on the top of his head and whisper a good night to him before pounding up the stairs. Barry began to panic at the thought of being alone with the strange creature he had only met a few hours ago and raced behind her, grabbing Carrie as she opened her bedroom door. He pushed her inside, checked the hallway to make sure he wasn't followed, and shut the door behind him, taking an extra second to turn the lock.

"Barry! What are you doing?" Carrie asked in a high, irritated pitch.

"Girlie, we have to get those _things_ out of here!" He headed for the window, ducking as the blue masked turtle walked across the snow and into the barn.

"Oh my _god_, you are _so_ brainless!" Carrie dropped into her bed without taking off her bathrobe and pulled the covers over her head. Barry crawled across the floor on his hands and knees, then scrambled onto Carrie's bed, throwing the comforter back to expose Carrie's raging expression.

"How do you know those things won't come in here at night and try to kill you?"

Carrie propped herself up on her elbow and sighed. "Barry, they've been here for almost two months. Don't you think they would have done that already?" She yanked the comforter out of Barry's grasp and rolled away from him. "And stop calling them 'things'. They're turtles."

"I don't care if there are cute, fuzzy bunnies!" Barry leaped over Carrie, landing on the floor with a loud thud that shook the old walls. He sat back up, his glasses hanging down his nose and his hair comical thrown around. "Carrie, I don't understand how you can trust them! They're muscular like bodybuilders, and that one carries _swords_, for crying out loud!"

"What I can't understand is _why_ you are acting so _psycho_ about it!" Carrie pushed on Barry's forehead and flipped back over. "And I'm _not_ having the discussion anymore. I'm already bitchy beyond womanly possible, and _you_ aren't making it any better!"

Barry walked over and slid back onto the bed, folding his legs and clasping his hands together in his lap. "And what about the hugging? I saw you kiss that one before you can up here!"

Carrie growled and turned over again."It's nothing. Leo and I are just good friends. There is nothing wrong with showing affection toward a friend."

"Okay," Barry then crossed his arms and gave Carrie his famous smug smile. "Then what was with the 'drop dead' stare you gave the other one?"

Carrie winced and gritted her teeth together. "That was...I was just..."

"Uh huh, I thought so." Barry yanked Carrie's shoulder and turned her back around, a sudden fear appearing his blue eyes. " He didn't-_force_ himself on you, did he?"

"What! Oh, god no!" Carrie sat straight up and shivered at Barry's words. "How could you think that Raph would _rape_ me! He's not like that at all! I can't believe you would say something like that! He would _never_ do that!"

"Girlie, calm down!" Barry reached over and brushed Carrie's bangs behind her ear. " No need to get hysterical about it." He brought Carrie's chin around and looked into her eyes for a few minutes before his smile returned.

"You have feelings for them, don't you?"

Carrie pulled herself back from Barry's grasp and yanked her comforter back up over her. "Feelings? For those giant turtles out there?" She then laughed in a high pitched, nervous laugh that she knew Barry could see right through.

"Yes, you do. That's why you're defending them so much!" Barry pointed and laughed. "Now, which one have you fallen for the most? The nice guy, or the bad boy?"

Carrie rolled her eyes as Barry rubbed his chin. "You're crazy."

"I know that-Leo, was it is? I know he's been feeding your emotional side, which is usually the best way to a girl's heart." Barry grinned. " But on the other hand, that Raph has a bad temper, from what I could see downstairs when he got in my face, and you like that raw, aggressive nature, especially in the bedroom."

"Go to bed, Barry." Carrie moaned and laid down, secretly wishing that she hadn't grown so close to Barry and discussed her sexual preferences with him.

"That's quite a toss up, Girlie." Barry nodded. "I guess the _real_ question would be- Which one has Carrie slept with already?"

"Okay, that's it!" Carrie shoved the covers back, hopped out of bed, and jerked Barry toward the door and into the hallway. "No more playing detective! It's time for bed! Good night!" She slammed the door in Barry's face just as he opened his mouth to speak again, then let out a long sigh as she staggered back to bed, trying to force back the smile that lingered on her lips.

* * *

"Hey! Wake up!"

Barry shook his head and blinked as the rough, irritated voice burst through his thoughts.

"What?"

Raphael grumbled and sighed heavily. "Look, if ya gonna help me, could ya at least not zone out? Now hand me the 3/8 over there."

Barry looked to his left, then to the right as the red toolbox caught his eye. He reached in, checking the size of the wrench before handing it over to Raphael, a big smile flashing across his face. Raphael glanced uneasily at the smile, then yanked the wrench out of Barry's grasp.

"Why the hell are ya even out here?" Raphael asked after he went back to work on his motorcycle. " I don't need a flippin' supervisor-," He looked over his shoulder and sneered. "Or a babysitter."

"You know, all of that negativity will take years off of your life." Barry responded with his own sneer. "And I'm only out here because Carrie got the idea that I should _try_ to be friendly with you." He watched Raphael fling the wrench over his shoulder, missing the toolbox by a few inches, and he cleared his throat. "Obviously it's not working very well."

"Could it be cause ya _talk_ too much?" Raphael stood up and bent over the toolbox. "That's why you and Carrie would make a great couple. Ya both yap beyond belief!"

Barry narrowed his brow in confusion, then laughed at Raphael's statement. "Me and Carrie? Uh, no, I don't think so."

Raphael turned toward Barry, giving him an all-knowing smile. "Yer gay, ain't ya?"

"No!" Barry yelled, stamping his foot on the barn floor. " Why does everyone assume that?"

"Maybe cause ya use words like 'assume'." Raphael laughed as he knelt back down.

Barry placed his hands under his glasses and rubbed fiercely at his tired eyes. "Look, I love Carrie to death but the _only_ reason we aren't together like that is because we are too much alike, and we are both set in our ways. We clash too much."

"Sure," Raphael chuckled without turning his head. "I bet yer her best girlfriend though."

"Now I can see why Carrie detests you." Barry suddenly blurted out, only realizing what he had said after Raphael stopped working and slowly stood up to face him.

"Is that what she told ya? That she '_detests'_ me?" Raphael shook his head, trying hard to hide the hurt in his face with resentment. "Seems ta be the theme around here these days." He wiped his hands off with a maroon cloth, then walked to the far corner of the barn to where an old, rusted tractor sat and started to strip more parts off.

The barn doors opened and Carrie appeared, the gusts of wind whipping her hair and the ends of her suede coat around as she shoved the doors shut with her boots. The noise from outside brought Leonardo to the loft railing, then down the ladder, the anxiety flashing brightly in his brown eyes.

"Did you find one?" he asked impatiently as he eyed the large, rectangled box in Carrie's arms.

"Here. Open it up and see!" Carrie gladly placed the box into Leonardo's arms, and he then set it down on the barn floor. "I had a hard time finding it! You would figure after searching in four different flea markets that _someone_ would be selling one!"

Raphael looked up from the tractor and locked himself into Carrie's eyes as she brushed her hair out of her face. She offered him a weak smile, that seemed more sympathetic than hateful, and he quickly looked back down, his brow still narrowed in anger as Barry's words ran through his head. After he finished unscrewing a line of rusty bolts, Raphael yanked the fender from the back tire, then turned to go back to his bike, only to find Carrie standing in his way.

"What?" He asked sharply.

Carrie was taken aback by his tone, the hurt very visible in her face. She looked over her shoulder at Barry and Leonardo, then back at Raphael. She stared at his face for a moment, noticing that his face mask was down around his neck and his facial features were more pronounced.

"I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry for the way I've been treating you." Carrie looked down at the melting snow on her black boots, then over at Raphael's bare feet. "I've just had... a lot on my mind lately and... I didn't mean to take things out on you."

"Okay." Raphael grunted, then pushed past Carrie. He felt her cold fingers wrap around his elbow and he allowed her to pull him back.

"I'm trying to apologize to you and all you have to say is 'okay'?" Carrie's voice rose and she quickly hushed herself. "Don't you have some things to say too?"

"Like what?" Raphael leaned in closer. " Do ya want me ta get back in yer face and say, 'yeah, ya had no fuckin' right ta go off on me', and all kinds of other shit like that?"

A frown formed on Carrie's lips and she turned her eyes down from Raphael's intense stare. "Well, yeah. Don't you think I deserve it? I was a total bitch to you."

Raphael sighed. "Ya know, in some other time and place, I probably would have. But I ain't even gonna give ya the pleasure. And ya know why?"

"Why?" Carrie asked, afraid of the answer she was about to receive.

"Cause ya _like_ it!" Raphael snapped. "This little sick game we've been playin' ain't flyin' with me anymore. Ya know, I've been doin' some thinkin' too, and I've decided ta fix my fuckin' bike and get my ass outta here before I get sucked inta another one of yer head games!"

"Excuse me? _My_ head games?" Carrie gasped in disgust. "_You're_ the one who has been embarrassing me by fucking me out in the open! _You're_ the one who has been using me as your own personal blow up doll, then tossing me aside without _any_ regards to my feelings-,"

"Whoa, whoa!" Raphael dropped the fender next to his feet and waved his hands around. "_Feelings_? When the _hell_ did ya start carin' about all of this? Ya told me- we both did this knowin' there was nothin' attached!"

Carrie jerked her hair out of her face and held it back against the sides of her head in her palms. She could feel her body shaking, and she knew it was clear to Raphael that she was as the hair fell back down. Her eyes flooded with tears and Carrie choose not to hide her emotions any longer.

"Well maybe I did start to care. I'm tired of being fucked and tossed aside! I'm tired of playing those damn games!" She paused, the tears streaming down her cheeks and soaking the lapels of her coat, and she took in a deep breath and let out the words that had been sitting in the back of her mind for years.

"I just want to love someone, and get love back in return."

Raphael's eyes let up and feverishly shook his head. "Oh, no! Don't ya come around me sayin' that shit! I ain't gettin' tied down in that!" He bent down and placed the fender back in his hands, then pushed past Carrie to return to his bike.

"You are _so_ inconsiderate!" Carrie screamed, not caring if Barry and Leonardo were suddenly watching them. "I swear you are such a cold, heartless asshole!"

Raphael threw down the fender next to his bike and turned back to Carrie, his fists clenched tightly at his sides. He walked back over to her and shoved his finger into her tear-stained face, his brown eyes full of rage.

"Ya know, ya ain't got the fuckin' right to say that shit! Ya don't know me! I _do_ feel! I fuckin' _care_ about things! I have a heart, but too fuckin' bad for _you_, cause you'll never get ta see how _carin'_ I could be!"

Carrie sucked in a deep breath, not really sure what Raphael had meant, but knew that she had made a huge mistake speaking her mind. She opened up her mouth to try and save herself, but shut it when Raphael went on, his finger shifting to the barn doors.

"And ya know what else? I really don't like people talkin' shit about me behind my back! So, if ya hate me so much, like ya told yer little gal pal over there, why don't you take yer little cryin', know-it-all ass outta here so I can fuckin' finish my bike and get back to what _really_ matters in my life!"

Carrie's sobs grew louder as she scurried past him and through the barn doors, the wind catching one side and blowing a gust of snow onto the barn floor. Barry narrowed his brow and frowned, then ran after Carrie. Raphael lifted his angry gaze to Leonardo and waited for his brother to yell, but no harsh words attacked him. Leonardo blinked his eyes a few times, then shifted his sight back to the large black and silver old fashioned radio that was in the box before him.

"What's that for?"

Leonardo debated on answering his brother, but knew that Raphael would get even more upset if he wasn't answered.

"It's a CB radio." He picked up the device, his knees almost buckling from the weight. He carried it over to the workbench in the back of barn and waited for Raphael to join him before continuing.

"You know when Donnie found one like this years ago, and we told Splinter that we were using it to hear the police scanners when we were _really_ listening to people's telephone conversations?"

Raphael shrugged his shoulders as he looked over the old radio, wiping at the dust on the buttons and dials. "Yeah. So?"

"Well, I thought that maybe this would work better than using our cell phone." Leonardo wiped the black top with his hand, sending dust everywhere. " If the others had tried to get ahold of April or Casey, or any body else, we could pick it up on here. We could even hear Bishop and his guys. And the great thing about it is that no one could trace it back to the barn." Leonardo looked back at Raphael, hoping that his angry, stern expression had changed, but found that Raphael was still unfazed.

"So, ya mean ta tell me that we gotta sit by that damn thing day and night until we hear somethin'?"

Leonardo looked back at the old radio and shrugged. "Yeah, I guess that's what we'll have to do."

"And ta think I was startin' ta feel hopeless." Raphael snapped sarcastically, then walked back to his bike.

Leonardo watched his brother leave, then looked back at the radio. He pushed the plug into the wall socket, the green lights flashing for a second before dying out. Leonardo smacked the radio hard with his palm and the lights came back on, a faint, crackling static noise coming through the solo speaker. He turned the dial around, frustrated by the growing static, then remember that the antenna was still folded up in the box. As he moved away from the table and gathered a few things up to mount the antenna on the side of the barn, a distant voice came through the static, only to fade back away before either turtle could hear it.

"If you can hear me...find us...still...alive..."


	12. Chapter Twelve: Reconcile

_Songs lyrics from 'Someone Saved My Life Tonight' by Elton John and Bernie Taupin. They are written in as dialogue as to appease the FF law. So, please don't hurt me!;0p_

* * *

Chapter Twelve: Reconcile

The sun broke through the clouds for the first time in weeks and Carrie yawned as the sunlight hit her eyes. She pulled open the door to her mailbox, her arm feeling limp and void of strength, and she grabbed the handful of mail. After a sleepy track back to the front porch, Carrie stomped the snow from her boats, pulled them off, then used the last burst of energy she had to scurry into the house before the cold air hit her feet. She flopped down on the couch, startling Barry as he read through her completed novel. He stopped his work, now lost as to where his place had been, and watched as Carrie sorted through her mail. She tossed the newspaper to the floor, a magazine to the coffee table, and held in her hand three envelopes. Two were brightly colored, one orange, one yellow, and the third was a long rectangle shape and plain white. She set the white one down in her lap and went to open the orange envelope first.

"Huh," Carrie grunted as she pulled out a card that was decorated with a turkey. "Thanksgiving card from my Mom." She glanced at Barry as she sat the card on the table. "Only _my_ mother sends cards on Thanksgiving."

Barry gave Carrie a smile and nodded, then watched her open the second one, which was another card with the same turkey on the front.

"From my brother." Carrie placed the card next to its twin, then shook her head. "Okay, this only proves that my brother is more like Mom than I am."

Carrie then lifted the third envelope into the air and blew a puff of air at her bangs. "You know what this one is?"

"Yes, I do." Barry removed his glasses and rubbed at the bridge of his nose. "That is the letter that will make you a rich and famous woman."

"Or a drunk and depressed one." Carrie said, half-jokingly. "Get my bottle of Ernest and Julio ready."

"Who did you send it to this time?" Barry set the stack of papers aside and scooted forward to sit on the edge of the chair.

"This place in Maine I saw on the Internet." She ripped the side of the envelope and pulled out the tri-folded piece of paper. "Number 15 on my list."

"15? My God." Barry replaced his glasses, then patted Carrie's knee. "Don't worry. I feel good about this one. What does it say?"

Carrie took a deep breath, then suddenly threw the paper at Barry. "I can't! I feel sick! You read it!"

Barry arched his brow, then popped open the paper. "Dear Ms. Matthews, we at Royal Grove Publishing would like to thank you for your recent entry entitled _The Light in the Darkness_-,"

"Yeah, yeah, blah, blah, blah!" Carrie snapped and waved her hands around in the air. "I know that part already! Get to the good stuff!"

"All right! Calm down!" Barry pushed his glasses up closer to his eyes then focused back on the paper. " However we regret to inform you that we are . . . not . . . interested . . . "

Barry words trailed off into nothing as he folded the letter back together and held it securely in his lap, his blue eyes fixated on Carrie's heartbroken expression that she tried to cover with a smile.

"I'm sorry, Girlie." Barry patted her knee again. "There's always next time. Lucky 16!"

"Yeah, next time." Carrie stared at the blue carpeting then drifted up to her feet, almost as if she was in a trance. "Lucky . . . 16 . . . "

"Carrie, you're not going up there, are you?" Barry pleaded. "It's too cold! You'll catch pneumonia!"

"Where's my wine?" Carrie murmured before disappearing into the kitchen.

* * *

Leonardo felt his eyes getting heavy, and his face began to slide from his palm again. He jerked his body back before his chin could hit the top of the dusty CB radio, and he shook himself awake for the hundredth time. It had been a long night for Leonardo, the only one who would volunteer to stay close to the radio, and he hadn't had any sleep. He had tried several times to awaken Raphael, but found his brother was uncooperative and still upset about the argument he had with Carrie. Leonardo gave up after around two in the morning and decided to press on, sending out messages over the airwaves hoping that he would hear a familiar voice answer back.

He placed his head back on his open palm, and his eyes instantly closed, unaware that his body was sliding out of the stool. A hand suddenly smacked on his shoulder, and Leonardo shrieked, jumped into the air, and landed in a lump on the dirty barn floor. He rubbed at head as he looked up, not pleased with the quirky smile that Raphael was giving him.

" Mornin' beautiful!" Raphael extended his hand and pulled Leonardo back to his feet. "Go get some sleep. I'll take care of this."

"Oh, _now_ you want to help!" Leonardo snapped. "I thought you were too busy pouting to worry about this."

Raphael wrinkled his nose, then realized that his brother was extremely cranky and chose to not make a smart remark. "Yeah, well, I got over it. Go ta bed!"

"I'm still upset with you!" Leonardo went on. "Carrie came in here to apologize and all you could do was yell at her!"

"Leo, do ya mind if we don't talk about this right now?" Raphael turned the volume dial as he moved the stool under him.

"Actually, yes, I do mind!" Leonardo folded his arms over his chest and tried to not let his lack of sleep fog the long speech he had been thinking about all night. "She was being very sincere with you, and you just blew up at her!"

Raphael rolled his eyes and looked at his brother. "Ya know, it ain't my problem if she was PMSin' okay? I was dealin' with it in my own way. I didn't need her ta say anythin' ta me."

Leonardo made a disgusted face, then shook his head. "The way _you _deal with things seems to make everyone else around you miserable!"

The red clad turtle took a deep breath, then stood up from the stool, turning around to fully face Leonardo. "Why can't ya just leave me alone? What happened had nothin' ta do with ya, okay? I'm gettin' sick of ya stickin' up for her and treatin' her like some fuckin' princess or somethin'!"

"It's called _respect_, you jerk!" Leonardo felt his lack of sleep melt away as a wave of anger flooded his mind and the tone of his voice turn wickedly sarcastic. "I realize that it's a bizarre concept to you, but you wouldn't _believe_ how will Carrie responds to it!"

"Yeah," Raphael sneered and narrowed his eyes. "And I bet she sucked yer dick too."

" God, I've had it with you!" Leonardo growled loudly, then turned around and stomped his way up to the hay loft. " Maybe I should have just left your ass behind to die!"

"Yeah, sweet fuckin' dreams, Leo!" Raphael yelled back as he fell back onto the stool. His trembling hand reached back for the volume dial, and a few tears found their way down Raphael's cheek as he inhaled deeply. He cursed himself for feeling suddenly vulnerable to Leonardo's words, knowing that his brother didn't mean what he had said in the heat of the moment, and he violently wiped the water off his face. His knotted stomach turned again, and Raphael held back the feeling of throwing up as he ran back over his apologetic speech to Carrie in his head.

The barn doors creaked open, and Raphael quickly buried his sickening sadness, hoping that it was Carrie so he could apologize like he had planned. He spun around to instead find Barry walking toward him with a terrified look on his tanned face.

"Oh, it's only you. Where's, uh, the other one?"

Raphael sneered in disgust at Barry's snappy tone. "If ya mean _Leo_, he's busy jerkin' off. Whatya want?"

"Huh?" Barry asked, puzzled by the turtle's remark.

" What . . . do . . . ya . . . want?" Raphael said again, purposely stringing his words out. Barry blew a burst if air out of his nose.

"I'd rather talk to your brother." Barry folded his arms to keep warm, and looked over his glasses as they started to fog up. "Carrie's already upset enough. She doesn't need _you_ to make it worse."

" Oh, well! What a fuckin' shame! He's sleepin'!" Raphael rudely answered after a long silence. He spun back around and messed with the radio for a few moments before noticing that Barry had moved right next to him. A low, annoyed growl erupted from his throat and he glared at Barry's troubled expression.

"What now?"

Barry sighed and frowned. "I didn't want to do this, but since this all started because of you, and since Leo is asleep, I guess I have no choice."

"Man, would ya just fuckin' spill it? I hate that runnin' around shit!" Raphael stood up and narrowed his glaring eyes up into Barry's icy stare.

"Carrie received another rejection letter today-," Barry pulled the white envelope out of the inside pocket of his coat and smacked it into Raphael's hand. The turtle stared at Barry for a few seconds, then read the letter.

"And what does this have ta do with me?" Raphael shoved the letter back in the envelope and flung it back at Barry.

" As of this morning, she was still upset, and every time Carrie receives one of _these_, she goes on the roof and drinks." Barry pulled his glasses down and wiped at the fog. "Now don't let it bother you too much that it's only 25 degrees outside and that the roof is covered in ice and snow-,"

Raphael rolled his eyes and stood up. "Yeah, I know where this is goin'."

"And don't think about the fact that Carrie isn't wearing a warm coat in this 25-degree weather." Barry continued as he followed closely behind Raphael as he headed for the barn doors. "Or the fact that she has no shoes on-"

Raphael let out a growl and stopped, turning sharply to face the coy grin that erupted on Barry's face. "Ya really don't know the meaning of the word _subtle_, do ya?"

Barry laughed at the sarcastic tone of Raphael's words and pushed ahead to open the barn doors for the turtle.

"Not really."

* * *

"_...And it's one more beer, and I don't know you anymore...We've all gone crazy lately...My friends out there, rolling round the basement floor...,"_

Carrie took another long sip from the large bottle in her hand and tipped it up to the dusky evening sky above her.

"_...And someone saved my life tonight...Almost had your hooks in me, didn't you dear..._" Carrie stopped mid-song and scratched at her wind-blown hair. "Something about being tied, something, something, something...uh- _Sweet freedom whispered in my ear_...Ah shit!"

" How about tryin': yer a butterfly, and butterflies are free ta fly?"

Carrie whipped her head around the chimney and blinked wearily at Raphael as he crouched down on the opposite side.

"Oh, _you_ again." Carrie giggled stupidly. " So, you come to take advantage of me while I'm drunk off my ass?"

"Uh... _no_!" Raphael picked at his fingernails and sighed. "What the hell would make ya think that?"

"I wasn't thinking..." Carrie took another swig of the chilled red liquid. "I was asking."

Raphael wrinkled his brow and shook his head at Carrie's slurred speaking. " Ya really wanna do it on the fuckin' ice?"

"Hell yeah!" Carrie threw her closed left fist into the air and let it hang in the air. "What's a little frostbite between a couple of rounds of good screwing!"

Raphael leaned back and peered around the chimney. "How much fuckin' wine have ya had?"

"Not enough for you, but plenty for me." She took a drink, then held the bottle over her head. "Want some?"

Raphael went to grab for the bottle but instead found Carrie turned around on her knees and inching closer to his face.

" How did you know the rest of that song? You know any more Elton John songs? I like his songs. Do you like his songs?"

The smell of wine from Carrie's mouth hit Raphael's nose and he rolled his eyes. " Uh, Leo has the CD, no, that's nice and they're okay."

Carrie laughed, then grabbed at her nose, only to laugh again. "Oh my...!"

"What?" Raphael asked, arching his right brow.

"I just...I just heard you talk through my nose!" She laughed again, then pressed the bottle against her forehead and crossed her eyes as she stared at the red liquid inside. "What the hell do they make this shit out of! Grapes!"

"Okay, that's it!" Raphael jerked the bottle out of Carrie's grasp. "I think ya had yer limit. Let's get down before ya freeze ta death."

"Okay..." Carrie grabbed at the brick chimney and pulled herself up. She placed her hands over her eyes and looked out across the top of the trees. " Wow! This is soooooo cool!"

"What now?" Raphael sighed as he stood and held onto the chimney.

"I can TOTALLY see my house from here!"

"What the hell _did_ they put in this?" Raphael studied the contents of the bottle as they swished around. "Did ya happen to smoke somethin' while ya was up here too?"

"Why? Did you want...SOOOMMMEEEE!"

Raphael turned his head just as Carrie's sock-covered feet slipped on a patch of ice and her body slid down the sharp incline of the roof, the snow blowing up like a dust storm around her. Carrie screamed in terror, her fingernails scratching and breaking against the frozen shingles, but felt a sudden jerk as her lower body hit the metal gutters around the roof's edge. Knowing that they could be the only thing to save her from a deadly fall, Carrie quickly wrapped her fingers around the gutter, and her body came to a stop in a violent jolt. Pain radiated through her shoulders and arms, and she clenched her teeth as the sharp metal of the gutter broke through her skin and warm blood pooled out. Carrie then began to sob, her drunken stupor a thing of the past, and she cursed herself between the tears that fell down her flushed cheeks.

"Holy fuck!" Raphael tossed the bottle over his back and slowly made his way down over the ice on his rear. His heart pounded ferociously in his chest, almost choking the breath out of him, and after seeing the fear that sat in Carrie's grey eyes, it only made things worse for him.

"Raph...help me..."

"I am. Just-just hang on." Raphael looked around, losing hope when he realized there was nothing to use to hold him and pull Carrie up at the same time. Panic was setting in for both of them, and Carrie whimpering and sobbing echoed loudly in Raphael's head along with the beating of his heart. After acknowledging there was no other way to get down, Raphael sighed and grabbed at Carrie's hands.

"Okay, now listen ta me," He rubbed her whitened knuckles gently, making sure that Carrie kept his eyes to his and not to the frozen ground below. " The only way we're gonna get off is by jumpin' down-,"

"What?" Carrie's eyes grew and her legs thrashed around. "Are you crazy?"

"Just keep calm, okay?" Raphael's voice came out in a hushed tone that contrasted the fear he felt on the inside. "Now, I'm gonna pull ya up, but as soon as I do, ya gotta hold on tight ta me, cause I'm goin' go straight down. Ya got that?"

"Yes." Carrie gritted her teeth at the pain in her finger, the weight of her body pulling the metal deeper into her skin.

Raphael said nothing more, and leaned over to pull Carrie up by her triceps, using only his toes and knee pads for an anchor in the snow. He slipped once, but managed to balance himself long enough to pull Carrie up. She quickly settled against his chest, her arms wrapped tightly around his neck, and Raphael returned her tight grasp as he flipped over and off the roof. The fall from the two-story roof seemed to go by slow for Carrie. She kept her eyes closed the entire time, her face buried against Raphael's cold chest plates, and she savored the security of the turtle's strong arms around her.

"Hey! Ya can let go now."

Carrie flashed her eyes open and looked around as Raphael dropped her shaking legs down. Her arms remained around Raphael's neck, and after making sure she was back on Earth, she looked back at him and smiled, a nervous giggle escaping as she felt a sudden turning in her abdomen.

"What's so funny?" Raphael asked, smiling back as he let his hands linger on Carrie's hips.

"Your eyes," Carrie said, the alcohol starting to swirl around in her system again. "There are... little green specks in them. Never notice that before."

Raphael began to respond, but then stepped backwards as the color left Carrie's already pale face and she leaned over to empty the contents of her stomach onto the snow. Raphael shook his head and pulled the sides of Carrie's hair back.

"Boy, ya really know how ta turn a guy on, don't ya?"

Carrie coughed as she stood back up and wiped at her mouth. "I don't feel so good."

"Now, what gave ya _that_ idea?" Raphael joked, then scooped Carrie's weak body into his arms and carried her back into the house.

* * *

A few hours later, Carrie moaned and rolled onto her back, her eyes flashing open at the sudden surprising sight of Raphael sitting on the side of her bed.

"Shit! Don't do that!" Carrie jumped back against the headboard, but quickly grabbed at the throb that vibrated from the middle of her brain.

"Don't do what?" Raphael asked sheepishly. " I just sat down."

Carrie glared at Raphael's cocky grin and gave him a fake smile. "I bet you did. How long have I been out?"

"Not long." Raphael shoved a tall glass in Carrie's face. "Here. Drink this before yer hangover kicks inta high gear."

Carrie sneered in disgust at the thick, soupy red drink and cautiously took the glass into her bandaged hands. "What _is_ that?"

"Somethin' that saved my ass after those long night drinkin' binges!" Raphael pushed the glass toward Carrie's lips and turned it upright into her mouth. After only a small sip, Carrie pulled away and coughed at the pungent, sour taste that invaded her mouth and throat.

"Oh god! That's horrible!" Carrie gagged and shook her head. "What is _in_ that?"

"Whiskey, coffee, Tabasco sauce, raw egg, pepper, and some O.J." Raphael shoved the glass back at Carrie's mouth and held her down until the glass was completely empty. "My buddy Casey calls it a 'Red Eye'."

Carrie held the back of her right hand against her closed lips and shut her eyes. "That is so gross. So, so, _so_ gross!"

"Yeah, but ya won't wake up tomorrow feelin' like someone hit ya with a semi!" Raphael sat the glass on the night stand and pushed Carrie back to her pillows. "Now, get ta sleep. I gotta get back ta that damn radio before Leo wakes up and has a fuckin' conniption fit!"

As he rose to move toward the door, Carrie sat back up and held up her hands. "Wait, Raph. Don't go yet."

Raphael paused in the doorway, then turned back around and shut the door behind him.

"Look, I don't need ya ta thank me-,"

"Oh no, I don't. I mean, I do want to thank you," Carrie brushed her bangs back and tried to hide the blush in her cheeks. "But, I just-just-," She sighed, losing her words in a twisted mess, and instead patted the side of the bed. Raphael raised an eyebrow and sat back down beside her.

Carrie let out a puff of air and started over again. " I think we need to start over again."

"Huh?" Raphael blinked in disbelief as his heart skipped a beat.

"After what happened yesterday, it made me think about things." Carrie pulled her knees to her chest and held them tightly in her arms. " I don't want to keep fighting with you like this. When I first got to know you guys, I always hoped that you and I could become close like me and Leo did."

"And what we did wasn't _close enough_?" Raphael joked, but stopped laughing after the dirty look Carrie flashed at him.

" I mean that we never became _friends_, you horn dog!" Carrie glared, but laughed soon after. "And no more little meet-and-greets between us. I mean it!"

Raphael rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. "Boy, you really think I'm that shallow, don't ya?"

"No, I don't." Carrie stated a factual manner. "I think you and I are exactly the same when it comes to love and sex."

"How so?" Raphael narrowed his eyes in a quizzical manner.

"We both want love, but we're are too scared to give ourselves completely to someone. So we instead have one-minute flings that give us instant gratification, not caring that we'll feel cold and empty later on." Carrie released her knees and pointed at Raphael. "And you know deep down you are like that, so don't tell me I'm full of shit! You aren't as complex as you think you are!"

Raphael laughed and smiled, then lowered his eyes to the velvet maroon comforter under him. "Ya know, there have only been two others that could really see through me." He paused, then picked at the embroidered swirl marks on the comforter. " Splinter, for one. But he raised me, so, ya know, that's a given. Then Leo. But Leo ticks me off when he points out my faults cause he gets all high and mighty with me."

"Older brothers have a habit of doing that." Carrie offered a smile as she patted Raphael's knee. "Chris used to do that to me to make me look bad in front of our parents. No wonder my Dad treated me the way he did."

"Leo doesn't do it ta make me look bad," Raphael sat up on his knees, then hopped over Carrie and settled on his back next to her on the bed. " I think he does it ta make me improve myself. He wants me ta be a better person-"

"Turtle." Carrie giggled as Raphael stuck out his tongue.

"Whatever." Raphael shook his head. " But ya know it's hard ta came to a realization about who ya really are. 'Specially if you've been hidin' from yerself for years."

"And you've just all of the sudden come to a realization about who you really are?" Carrie joked, rolling over on her side to playfully poke at Raphael's side.

Raphael shoved Carrie's hand away, finding it suddenly hard to hold back the smile that was breaking through. "Maybe. I guess it just took the right person ta get it out of me."

Carrie sat upright and tossed her hair back. "So, _I _just _happened_ to be that _person_? I feel privileged."

Raphael sat up along with Carrie and grunted a laugh. "Yeah, ya should. But don't think that changes things. I'm still gonna put up a front and be an asshole."

They then shared a hearty laugh, then Carrie extended her arm out to Raphael and flexed her fingers.

"So, can we start this over again?"

Raphael eyed Carrie's slender fingers, then gently took her hand, giving it a slight squeeze. "Yeah, I can do that."

"Good! Now if you'll excuse me," Carrie jumped up from the bed and dashed for the bathroom door, her hand pressing against her stomach. "That Red Eye crap is coming back up!"

Raphael sneered his upper lip and turned his head away, but couldn't help but laugh again.

"Ya need me ta hold yer hair back again?"

Carrie backed out of the bathroom and glared at Raphael. He shrugged his shoulders and smiled.

"What? Just tryin' ta be the good friend that I am!"

* * *

A/N: _First, I'd like to apologize for the very long wait. It wasn't my intention for this chapter to take so long, but when you are a working mother with a demanding child, it's hard to get anything done! That and I've been finding it hard to stay up late and write these days! Secondly, I'd have to give love and gratitude_ _to those who have given me such wonderful reviews and support. I have such a hard time believing in myself and what I am capable of. I can't thank everyone enough for their kind words. Thank you all so very much! Lots of love! I hope to have the next chapter done by Christmas. Happy reading! ;0)_


	13. Chapter Thirteen: Discoveries

Chapter Thirteen: Discoveries

"Are you sure you're going to be alright with those two?"

Carrie sighed, unable to keep from shaking her head back and forth. "Don't worry about it, Barry. Everything is fine now. Trust me."

She leaned in and wrapped her arms around Barry, and he quickly returned her embrace. They followed up with trading kisses on each others cheeks before Barry gathered up his baggage.

"Now, you're _absolutely _sure that-,"

"Barry! Go home!" Carrie placed her hands on Barry's shoulders and spun him around until he was facing the closed doors of the large blue and gray bus.

"Can I just say something else?" Barry asked, turning his head to look over his shoulder.

Carrie sighed again, her arms crossing over her chest impatiently. "No, but I know you're going to anyway."

Barry turned back around, his face twisted in a mocking smile. "Yes I am. As you're best friend, I insist."

"Well, go ahead."

"Do you need the number to Animal Control, just in case things get out of hand?"

Carrie's mouth dropped instantly, the corners trying to curl into a smile. "You asshole!"

"Seriously though," Barry let his bags fall back down to the pavement and he folded his fingers around Carrie's upper arms. " I just hope you know what you're doing letting those two stay."

"Barry," Carrie turned her eyes away for a second, the breeze catching the ends of her hair and whipping them around. " I know the guys have been there a little longer than I had expected them too, but- they really don't have any where else to go. It's not safe for them."

"I'm sorry, Girlie." Barry patted Carrie's face gently. " I know the circumstances, or the _supposed_ circumstances, but-,"

"You think they're making it up?" Carrie asked, her tone more curious than angry.

"I don't know." Barry pushed his glasses up. " I had an interesting conversation with Leo last night, and it-well, it made my worries resurface. And then after what happened between you and Raph, _that_ whole situation was just-,"

"I told you, Barry," Carrie took a step back and narrowed her eyes. "Raph and I are past all of that. I'm not letting myself get caught up in something that's just going to leave me broken again."

"Hey, I have no say in who you have or don't have sex with!" Barry held up his hands in defense. "But as long as you are smart enough to stay out of that situation again, that's fine with me."

"Final boarding for Manhattan!" A voice boomed over the intercom above them. "Final boarding!"

"Well, gotta run, Girlie!" Barry bent down and replaced his bags on his shoulders. "Hope you make it down to the city sometime. We'll go have dinner and see a show, how's that sound?"

"Wait!" Carrie grabbed Barry's elbow, pulling him back down from the bus steps and causing the boarding passengers around them to yell and cuss. "Why did you say that talking with Leo made your worries resurface?"

" Mister, are you gettin' on or what?" The driver called from the doors as the last passenger climbed the steps.

"Just hang on a second!" Carrie yelled back, sending the driver back into his seat with a angry scowl on his reddening face. "What did you mean?"

Barry looked longingly at the soft navy head rests above the bus seats, his brain pounding from his rough night of sleep. But after seeing the puzzled expression on Carrie's flushed face, he give in and climbed back down the steps.

"It's probably nothing, Girlie." Barry dropped his bags once again and pulled Carrie closer. "I didn't mean to scare you. Maybe it was just Leo's lack of sleep, and that he's a high-strung pers-uh, turtle. Nothing more, I'm sure."

"Barry-," Carrie began to plead, but felt her long time friend slip from her arms and board the bus, taking a seat far in the back away from the rest of the passengers. The bus pulled out short after, and the last thing Carrie could see was Barry's hand waving out the window.

She stood still for a moment, her gloved hands buried deep in the pockets of her suede coat as the winter breeze grew stronger. A sudden banging noise from above directed Carrie's eyes to the Christmas lights that hung from the station's roof, and instead of being filled with a warm sense of the upcoming holiday, Carrie instead felt a sudden dread as Barry's words circled around in her mind.

"Am I really making a mistake?" Carrie whispered out loud as a few snowflakes hit the ground. "I can't just make them leave. It wouldn't be right, no matter what has happened."

"I know what you could do," A voice called out from behind her, and Carrie turned to find an elderly man with a large bag of salt in his hands. " You could stop talking to yerself and get out of my way! That's why my wife is in the mental hospital! Couldn't stop talking to herself for five minutes! Crazy old bag!"

Carrie jumped to her left and the man pushed by her, the salt making a small rustling noise as it hit the ground, and the old man babbled on as he made his way down the sidewalk. Carrie felt a small amount of water well up in her eyes, and she quickly pushed it back as she crossed the empty streets to her SUV.

* * *

Raphael pulled his hands back and glanced at his cracking knuckles as a tiny amount of blood was beginning to pool out.

"Man, I miss my bag." He glared at the hay bail that hung from a rope that connected to the loft above. "This damn thing ain't cuttin' it!"

Across the barn, Leonardo rubbed at his eyes, but quickly moved his hands back to the microphone as the static on the radio popped loudly. Raphael looked at the back of Leonardo's head, and not wanting to be ignored, he made his way over to his brother and shoved his bleeding hands in Leonardo's face.

"Look at this shit, Leo!" Raphael purposely whined. "How's a guy supposed ta get any trainin' done with that piece of crap?"

Leonardo narrowed his eyes and sighed. He slowly turned his head up to Raphael and a low growl erupted from his throat as he answered in a slow, cold tone.

" Why don't you go _make_ another one instead of suffering like an idiot?"

Raphael wrinkled his nose at Leonardo's response. "Geesh, sorry to interrupt your 'happy time' over here." He backed away and went back to punching the hanging hay bail despite the pain in his hands. Every few minutes, Raphael would glance back at Leonardo, his shoulders hunched over the radio like a vulture guarding an animal carcass, and Raphael knew he had to do something to pull his brother away from his growing obsession.

"Ya know what I helped Carrie do this mornin'? It would have been right up yer alley!" Raphael stopped punching the bail, waiting for Leonardo to respond, but nothing came. "She made help her sort though her pictures so she could organize her photo albums! I gotta tell ya, I thought I was gonna fall asleep! It was borin' as Hell!"

Still no response.

"Ya know what was even worse-," Raphael forgot the hay bail and walked back toward Leonardo. " Carrie's as anal as you are when it comes ta cleanin'! Everythin' gotta be just so, or she fuckin' freaks! I moved things around just ta see her go berserk!"

Leonardo then suddenly turned sharply, his tired, red eyes large with a hint of annoyance. "Then why do you even _try_ to be friends with her then? You obviously don't care about the things that are important to her, so why do you even bother with it?"

"Man, what the fuck is wrong with ya?" Raphael yelled back. "You've been actin' like a psycho ass ever since we got here! All uptight and shit! Even worse than ya were back home!"

"Oh, I'm sorry! Does it _bother_ you that _I'm _the only one who has been trying to find our family?" Leonardo jumped up from the stool and moved into Raphael's personal space, not caring that his brother's hands were slowly clinching into fists.

"Does it bother you that _I_ have been giving up endless days of sleep because _you_ would rather spend time doing 'pointless, boring stuff' with Carrie than help me?"

Raphael took a step back, trying his hardest to hold back from pouncing on his brother. "Hey, I've been doin' shit too, ya know!"

"Like what, Raph?" Leonardo crossed his arms over his chest plates, then pointed to Raphael's Shell Cycle. "Your bike? You haven't touched the damn thing in a week!"

"Why does this all the sudden matter ta ya, anyway?" Raphael raised his hands to the sky. "A while back, ya told me we havta stay here cause it ain't safe anywhere else! Now all the sudden, ya wanna get the Hell outta here when we don't even know where the others are!" Raphael sighed heavily and shook his head. "Yeah, that's real fuckin' smart when Bishop's out there lookin' for us! And how do ya know he hasn't found ya on that damn radio, anyway?"

Leonardo stared down Raphael, their eyes locked together in a battle to see who would give in first.

"You know what, just forget it, Raph. I don't need your help, nor do I even want it anymore! I can see where your interests lie, and they are _not_ with finding our family."

"What the fuck-," Raphael began, but stopped when Leonardo moved away from their staring contest and sat back down at the radio. "Wait a minute. Wait a _fuckin' _minute!"

"I'm done talking about this with you, Raph." Leonardo waved his hand at his brother without looking up. "Just go do... whatever. I don't care anymore."

Raphael let his narrowed eyes stare at the back of his brother's head again, then he whipped around the table and leaned over the radio.

"This is cause of Carrie, ain't it?"

Leonardo closed his eyes and sighed. "Raph, I told you, just-just leave."

"It is!" Raphael jumped back and slammed his hand on the radio, the metallic bang echoing around the barn. "I get it now! Yer fuckin' pissed cause Carrie's not mad at me anymore!"

"No, I'm not!" Leonardo argued.

"Yer pissed cause she's askin' me ta do all this borin' shit with her instead of you now!"

"Raph, I'm warning you," Leonardo growled through his grinding teeth.. "Knock it off."

"Yer _jealous_!" Raphael shouted and stomped around Leonardo. "For once, yer actually jealous of _me_! Man, what would Master Splinter think about all of this? The star pupil ain't supposed ta be jealous of anyone! It's against his code of honor!"

"Raph-," Leonardo took a deep breath, his fingers flexing in and out as his anger boiled deep down inside of him. "Why can't you grow up and stop competing with me?"

"Oh, no, Leo!" Raphael wagged his index finger in his brother's face. "This ain't about competin' with ya! This is about the fact that _I_ was the one who got Carrie first! Yer jealous cause I fucked her first, _and_ I was able ta be friends with her afterwards! Which was somethin _you_ couldn't do with-,"

"Don't!" Leonardo stood up and moved back to his brother, his tense body shaking.

" Don't you _dare _say her name! We agreed to _never_ discuss her again! And that was a completely different circumstance, Raph! You _know_ it was!"

"Whatever, Leo!" Raphael rolled his eyes. "The fact is that you are pissed cause I was able ta do somethin' that you couldn't!" He then turned his back to Leonardo and smiled. "I bet yer also mad cause ya thought that _I _couldn't do it! Yeah, I bet ya thought, there's no way in Hell Raphael could be friends with someone he had sex with! The concept is just _beyond _belief!"

As Raphael walked away, his laughter ringing throughout the barn, Leonardo held his fist together tightly, his slow-to-rise anger rupturing every point in his body. His breaths came out in staggering puffs. His vision, blurred from his lack of sleep, saw nothing but red as he moved quickly behind his brother.

"Ya know, Leo," Raphael stopped walking, the sarcasm still present in his tone. " This never would have happened if you hadn't taken the chance I gave ya. I let ya have a go at Carrie, but bein' the wussy nice guy ya are, ya lost yer chance. I gotta tell ya though, ya missed out on-,"

His words were cut short as Leonardo leap through the air with a raging scream and slammed Raphael down to the barn floor. Raphael pushed back, his short temper quickly responding to the threat, and he managed to grab Leonardo's arms and flip his brother over his head. Leonardo regained his footing, just as Raphael stood up, and he rushed back, burying his head into Raphael's stomach, sending him back down. He straddled Raphael's chest, his closed fists coming within inches of his brother's face before Raphael grabbed Leonardo's wrists and held them back with all his might.

"How can you be the way you are?" Leonardo screamed, his fists still trying to meet with Raphael's face. "You make me fucking _sick_! You have _no _respect for _anyone_!"

"Get the fuck offa me, Leo!" Raphael exclaimed. "I'm fuckin' warnin' you!"

"No! I'm warning _you_, Raph!" Leonardo managed to slip one of his wrists free and instead punched at the still tender scar in the middle of Raphael's chest plates. "Stop treating Carrie like a _whore_, or I'll-,"

Raphael winced in pain as Leonardo delivered another blow to his old wound, and quickly regained his hold on Leonardo's wrist before another hit was made. "Or you'll what, Leo? Just exactly _what _do ya plan on doin' ta me?"

Raphael shoved his knee into Leonardo's gut, stopping his brother from continuing his threat, and he pushed his brother backwards. As Leonardo lay on his side, his shell aching in pain from the slide across the floor, Raphael slowly stood, his hands holding onto the scar tissue that had grown over his wound.

"Ya got some nerve, Leo." Raphael took in a deep breath and shook his head. "Tellin' me I gotta fuckin' grow up. At least I didn't fuckin' attack ya over some chick!"

Leonardo said nothing, just stared Raphael down as he propped his body up with his elbow and tried to regain his breath.

"Why is Carrie such a big deal ta you anyway?" Raphael asked, cautiously taking a step closer to his brother. " And why are ya givin' me so much shit about it?"

Raphael bent down, his anger vanishing into nothing, and he looked deeper into his brother's raging brown eyes.

"Are ya...in _love_ with her, Leo?"

Leonardo turned away and jumped to his feet. He brushed off the strands of hay and patches of dirt off his body and sat back down at the radio, pretending to busy himself with the dials while pushing back the tears in his eyes. Raphael remained still, but couldn't help pushing his theory on his brother again.

"Leo, if that's the case, then I'll step-,"

"Raph, just leave." Leonardo spoke in a hushed voice, his eyes remaining on the radio. "I need-I need to be alone."

Raphael lowered his eyes to the ground and turned around, knowing that it was best to heed his brother's wishes instead of egging him on again. After opening the barn doors and seeing the lights on in Carrie's house through the blizzard of snow, Raphael took one last look at Leonardo, then closed the barn doors behind him.

* * *

Upon closing the back door that lead into the kitchen, Raphael wiped the snow from his feet on the green and white ivy rug and watched as Carrie hurried around, a wooden spoon in one hand and balancing an open cookbook in the other. She zipped from the herbs growing in the window to the steaming pot on the stove, then to the refrigerator to gather a few fresh stalks of celery, then back to stove. Raphael was becoming increasing dizzy as he watched Carrie scurry about, and he tried to sneak past the bustling blonde to make for the living room, but was caught before his left foot was able to hit the carpet of the dining room.

"I'm so sorry I was late getting back!" Carrie set down the cookbook and spoon, and wiped her hands with her apron. "The roads are getting really nasty! I was doing like five miles per hour on the main road coming out here!"

Raphael forced out a smile, but suddenly winced at the ache in his abdomen and once again failed at hiding himself from Carrie's observing eyes.

" Oh my- what happened to you?" Carrie pried Raphael's fingers back, squatting down to look over the wound. "What did you do to it?"

"It's nothin'. I just- just... fell, that's all." Raphael pulled Carrie back up to her feet and gently pushed her back. "I'm fine."

Carrie raised a blonde eyebrow to Raphael's unusual quiet tone of voice and her hands balled up on her hips. "You fell? What did you fall from?"

"I told ya, it's nothin'!" Raphael suddenly snapped, but shook his head when he saw the hurt in Carrie's face. "I'm sorry. I've...had a bad day. I just wanna sit down."

He staggered through the dining room to the living room, sighing heavily as he plopped down on the couch. Raphael pulled his bandanna down, leaving it to rest on around his neck, then folded his hands across his eyes and hoisted his feet up to the coffee table, grateful for the warmth of the fire that burned twenty feet away. He finally allowed his body to relax, letting out another long sigh, but stopped when he caught the scent of Carrie's rose body spray. He yanked his hands down just as Carrie came around the corner with a flat, long package in her hands.

"Here. This is for you!" Carrie announced with a giant smile as she placed the package in Raphael's unsuspecting hands.

Raphael blinked twice at Carrie, then stared at the green paper covered with snowmen. "What the hell is this for?"

"It's your Christmas present." Carrie blushed, then shrugged as Raphael pushed his brows together. "I wanted to give it to you now. You know, just in case you guys leave before Christmas."

"Okay..." Raphael turned the package up on its side, becoming startled when the contents inside rattled.

"Just open it!" Carrie demanded, smacking Raphael's shoulder. "I promise it won't bite!"

"Okay, okay! Shit!" Raphael leaned forward, dropping his feet from the table, and jabbed his finger under the tape. After getting the wrapping off, he ripped off the top of the long, white box, and tossed back the tissue paper, only to stare in disbelief at what laid inside the box.

"I don't-how-where-how did ya-," Raphael reached down and enclosed his fingers around the cold steel of his prized twin sais. He breathlessly held one of them up, his thumb rubbing the red cloth handle, then traveling down the curved side prongs. Even though he still couldn't believe his own eyes, a smile broke through his sour expression as Raphael found all the nicks and scratches from the years of use, knowing that these really were his beloved weapons.

"Where did ya find them at?"

Carrie scooted closer to Raphael and brought her legs up on the couch. " A few weeks ago, I was out posting up those 'No Trespassing' signs around the property, for the hunters, and I found one sticking out of a pile of brush. I didn't really know what it was, but I picked it up anyway. The other was a few feet from the first, and it was lodged in a tree trunk."

"I lost 'em when Bishop took that shot at us," Raphael replied without looking up from the sais. "Must have fallen out of my belt when the bike slammed inta me."

Carrie smiled bigger at the happiness that poured from Raphael's face."Well, I didn't know they were even _yours _until the other day when the three of us were watching that Bruce Lee marathon on T.V. Remember? That guy in-shit, what movie was that? He had a pair of those."

"_Fists of Fury_." Raphael laughed. "Yeah, I remember. Depressed the hell outta me." He looked over at Carrie, feeling a slight blush come over his face. "I don't know what ta say. I-shit, I didn't expect this. Ya really made up for my shitty day, Carrie. Thanks."

"No problem." Carrie patted Raphael's shoulder, then pointed down at the weapons. " Are you going to teach me how to use them?"

"No way, sister!" Raphael pulled the sais out of the box and held them against his chest. "If ya buy yer own, then maybe. But ya ain't touchin' mine!"

"Well, that's not fair!" Carrie folded her arms and lowered her bottom lip. "Leo's letting me use his swords!"

"Yeah, well, I'm a greedy, selfish bastard." Raphael joked, still hugging the weapons. "I hope ya ain't expectin' a gift in return from me. I'm a little short on cash this holiday season."

Carrie laughed, then stood as Raphael did, watching intently as he spun both weapons around in his hands, like a drummer spinning his drumsticks. In a quick flash, the sai came to a sudden stop, the middle prong sticking out between Raphael's fingers, the handles resting comfortably on the insides of his wrists. Raphael watched Carrie eye the weapons, then grinned as he got an idea to mess with her.

"Tell ya what, if ya can grab these outta my hands, I'll teach ya how ta use them."

Carrie's smile disappeared as her grey eyes grew wide in shock. "Are you _kidding_ me?"

"Nope!" Raphael laughed again. "Come on! I wanna see how good Leo's been trainin' ya."

"He hasn't been _training_ me." Carrie took a step closer to Raphael, accepting his challenge. "He's been showing me some basic self-defense moves. Something I can use on my ex if he ever comes near me again."

"Like anyone would be afraid of you!" Raphael remarked, chuckling as Carrie's eyes narrowed. "Yer too cute and petite ta been takin' seriously!"

He took a sidestep, then another, and soon the two were circling around in the middle of the living room. Carrie suddenly dashed forward, and Raphael took a step to his left, but found Carrie had wrapped her arms tightly around his waist.

"Okay, what the hell is that?" He looked down and shook his head. " What are ya goin' do? Pick me up and throw me?"

Carrie looked up, an evil grin on her face. "No. I'm going to do-this!"

She then shoved the tips of her fingers deep into Raphael's sides, causing him to explode in fits of laughter. His grasp on the twin sais loosen, and they fell to the floor, but the struggle for the weapons was forgotten as Raphael grabbed Carrie into his arms and slammed her down on the couch, holding her back as his fingertips returned the punishing tickles to her sock-covered feet. Carrie pounded her fists against Raphael's shell, tears running her face as she gulped for air between her belly laughs.

"Had enough yet?" Raphael called out over Carrie's cackling. "Ya give up?"

"No-never!" Carrie cried back.

"Suit yerself!" Raphael then turned around and attacked Carrie's sensitive sides, his fingers digging deep into her ribs as she thrashed around under him. "About now?"

"Okay! I give! I can't breath!" Carrie screamed through her laughs, her face glowing as red as Raphael's bandanna. She brushed her hair from her face, smiling stupidly up at Raphael as he too regained his breath from his own laughter.

In that moment, Carrie felt as if time had slowed down around her as she stared in Raphael's eyes, seeing for the first time a new kind of happiness reflecting in them. Her heart throbbed, melting into a puddle with every beat, and without giving it any thought at all, Carrie suddenly reached up and wrapped her arms around Raphael's neck, pulling him down closer to her. Before Raphael knew what had happened, Carrie pushed her full lips against his, wanting and hoping that Raphael would kiss her back. He quickly pulled away, his brown eyes wide in shock, and he pushed his body away from Carrie to the corner of the couch.

Carrie sat up, then crawled over to where Raphael sat huddled against the arm of the couch. She placed her finger to his lips, signaling him not to speak or make a sound, and Carrie directed his hands around her waist as she moved her own arms back around his neck.

"Please, Raph." Carrie said softly with a tear in her eye. " Just kiss me. That's all I need."

Raphael gulped loudly, unaware that his eyes were still large, and was suddenly more concerned that his brother would walk in on them than the blonde who only sat inches from his face.

"Carrie, I don't think we should do this." Raphael whispered, only to be quieted again by Carrie's index finger.

"Please," Carrie pleaded again. "I just need to know something."

"Well, couldn't I just tell ya-,"

"No, not from you, Raph." Carrie leaned in closer, the heat of her breath hitting Raphael's mouth. "I need to do this for myself."

Raphael soften his worried face, searching deep through the mist of tears in Carrie's eyes to find the answer behind her strange request, but as he stroked Carrie's flushed cheek with his thumb, he soon realized there was something that he had to find out for himself as well.

Without another word, Raphael pulled Carrie's mouth to his and parted her lips with his tongue. Carrie pushed back, their tongues wrestling for complete control over the other. But while their mouths fought against each other, neither one moved the positions of their hands, both of them knowing that there something suddenly more important than rekindling their past actions. The passionate kiss lasted only a few minutes, but as they pulled away and rested their foreheads together in a breathless, giggle-fest, Carrie and Raphael both felt relieved, knowing once and for all that they had found the answers they were looking for.

* * *

A pop over the airwaves snapped Leonardo out of his slumber and his head shot up from the sudden sound. He yawned, rubbed at his eyes, then blinked at the glare from the green power button. He moaned at the ache that sat behind his eyes, then lowered his head back to the table's cold surface.

"Why are you doing this?" He asked himself. "You'll never find them. Raph's right. It's a lost cause."

His finger rose to the power button, but stopped short from cutting the power as the static popped again and a voice poured out from the speaker.

"Yeah, this is HockeySticks, signalin' out ta anyone who might answer by the name Fearless Leader. Come on Fearless Leader. We know yer out there!"

Leonardo blinked once, then twice, and again rubbed at his eyes as his mouth dropped in shock.

"No way. It-It can't be."

"Yeah, we've been broadcastin' for...a month now. Just wanna let ya know, Fearless Leader, that everyone is alive and doin' good. So, if ya can hear me, I repeat, everyone is alive. Come and find us up at Grandma's. Hockeysticks over and out."

"Wait! Wait!" Leonardo cried as the receiver bounced around in his hands. After getting a tight grasp on it, Leonardo pushed down on the button and spoke in a hurried pace.

"Casey! Wait! Don't sign off! I can hear you!"

The static popped again, and after a minute of silence, the deep New York accent returned to the radio.

"Who is this?"

"It's me." Leonardo sighed in relief, but winced at the CB name Casey Jones had given him. "It's...Fearless Leader. I hear you loud and clear, Hockeysticks."

Another moment of silence, then Casey's voice came back. "Leo? Holy shit, man! Is it really you?"

"Yes, Casey," Leonardo's head slumped back down to the table, a satisfying smile washing over his tired face. " It's me. You have no _idea_ how good it is to hear your voice again."


	14. Chapter Fourteen:Explanations

_I missed this last time, but thanks to everyonefor another round of reviews. My apologies for taking so long. It's been tough on me to get out of my hole of depression since I lost my job, and if anyone noticed, my anger was pretty noticeable in the last chapter. Unfortunately, my sadness radiates on top of my anger in this one. I feel just as confused as my characters do!Can't win for losing, I suppose. Hope everyone had a great Christmas, and look for the next chapter in the new year. Happy reading! ;0)_

* * *

Chapter Fourteen: Explanations 

Carrie took another slow sip of her green tea, its bitter smell hitting her nose as she inhaled and released a relaxing sigh. Her smile reappeared as Raphael slumped over onto his stomach, the blanket Carrie had covered him with sliding off and hanging by a corner from the sleeping turtle's left leg. Raphael took in a deep breath, let it out slowly, then rubbed at the top of his head while mumbling incoherently, and Carrie couldn't stop the gushing laugh that suddenly escaped from her nervous stomach.

Even though the emotional kiss they had shared still lingered on Carrie's lips, she was completely taken aback by the overwhelming sensations that had flooded her. The tingles, the shudders, the unexplained warmth that enveloped her entire body. Carrie had known since the night she had taken that drunken fall off the roof that she had fallen in love with Raphael, but she still had wanted to know if it was just more than some infatuation caused by her lonely, alcohol state. But now that Carrie was definite about her feelings, she now needed Raphael to prove if he, too, was true about his. The kiss was explosive enough, but she wanted him to say it. Carrie needed to hear the words fall from his mouth.

Despite the happiness, Carrie was still worried about the last thing Barry had said to her before he had boarded the bus. She had noticed something change in Leonardo's behavior during the past few weeks, but like both Raphael and Barry had mentioned, it seemed to be from a lack of sleep. Finding his family had become his obsession. But there was something else, something that Carrie guessed she could only see. Leonardo would stand just a little too close while showing her where to place her feet. He held onto her a bit longer than he should have while catching her from a fall. The look he had in his brown eyes while he and Carrie closely locked his swords together in combat. Carrie had seen that look before. It was the same look Raphael had given her while they engaged in their intense sexual trysts, and though Carrie didn't want to believe it, she could almost feel that same lustful heat radiate from Leonardo as it had from his brother.

Carrie shook her thoughts from her head as she realized she had been staring off into the flames of the fire. After deciding that Barry was just putting ideas into her head and that she was imagining Leonardo's weird behavior, Carrie turned back to the sleeping Raphael and poked at him with her long fingernail.

"Wake up!" She whispered with a playful grin. " It's almost ten! Your breakfast is getting cold!"

Raphael lifted one eyelid, swatted at Carrie's hand, then flipped over away from the sunlight that blared through the window.

"Come on!" Carrie put her tea down and knelt on the floor. She rubbed his shell, then leaned over into Raphael's ear. "I'm taking off my robe..."

Raphael answered with an annoyed moan.

Carrie giggled, then raked her finger down the turtle's shoulder. " I'm unbuttoning my pajama top."

Another swat of Raphael's hand came, and Carrie moved to the couch, taking a seat behind his folded knees.

"There goes my bottoms."

The moan came out in an angry growl this time, and Carrie laughed louder. She cleared her throat and leaned over Raphael's legs, purposely pushing her body against him.

"Did I forget to mention that I'm not wearing underwear?"

"What the-!" Raphael bolted upright, then glared at Carrie, her hands over her mouth as she tried to hold back her laughing fits.

"Now, that shit ain't funny!" Raphael remarked with a slight smile on his face. "Don't say it unless yer gonna really do it!"

"I'll keep that in mind next time." Carrie answered, her face beaming from her wide smile. Raphael noticed the huge grin she was carrying, and he wrinkled his forehead at her while he stretched his arms over his head.

"What's yer problem?" he asked with a yawn. "Ya win the lottery or somethin'?"

"You could say that." Carrie rested her elbows on her knees, her face in her palms, and she continued to watch Raphael as if she was drawing a heart around his head.

"Why the hell are ya smilin' like that?" Raphael bellowed, popping the imaginary heart. "Yer really freakin' me out!"

Carrie sat up, her arms falling into her lap along with her smile and her heart, and she slowly moved to her feet. "Sorry. I just-just... I'll go heat up your..."

"Hey, hey! Come on!" Raphael called out as Carrie turned to move into the dining room, a few scattered tears falling down her cheeks. He reached out his hand, waving her back with his two fingers, and Carrie slowly sat back down.

"Ya know I'm a grouch ass when I wake up." Raphael scooted closer to Carrie and his attention went right to wiping her tears away. He directed her chin up, forcing Carrie's eyes into his and shook his head with a sympathetic smile. " I forgot how freakin' sensitive ya were. Now, what's on yer mind?"

Carrie pulled back from Raphael's grasp slowly, her grey eyes blinking back her tears. "Uh, nothing really. I was just...I, uh-,"

"Boy, yer the conversationalist today." Raphael joked, pulling the thick blanket off his legs and slinging it over the back of the couch. He then grabbed Carrie by the waist and pulled her entire body into his lap. "Now that I got ya on the spot, tell me what's goin' on up there?"

"Uh, uh-I," Carrie rested her shaking hands on Raphael's broad shoulders, suddenly uncomfortable by their closeness, but soon calmed after seeing the warmth return in the turtle's stare.

"It's about last night-," Carrie finally blurted out. "I have to ask you something about...what happened."

"Glad ta see ya found yer voice." Raphael played around again, hoping to bring back Carrie's addictive smile as he nuzzled her chin.

"I'm sorry, I'm just...a little embarrassed about how forward I was," Carrie confessed, fully aware that Raphael was raking his fingers along the small of her back.

"Embarrassed? Are ya kiddin' me?" Raphael laughed. " And this is comin' from someone who writes about sex for a livin'?"

"Yeah, I know. I'm an oxymoron." Carrie joined in, finally settling into Raphael's lap and enjoying the feeling of being in his arms. " But, about last night, when I told you had to kiss you to find out something-,"

"And did ya?" Raphael interrupted, his mouth heading for Carrie's neck while his hands traveled a little farther south.

"Well, I-I- Raph, stop it," Carrie moaned as his lips nibbled on her neck. She felt a rush of heat flame up between her legs, but knew better than to pursue the needed action that would vanquish that certain type of fire. She sighed, then pushed Raphael back and pulled his hands into hers.

"I serious about this, Raph," Carrie let her eyes wonder over the calluses that had formed on the broken skin of his knuckles. "I told myself I would never get into this again, and I never in a million years _dreamed_ it would be with you. Barry would kill me if he found out what I did last night."

Raphael rolled his eyes and smirked. "Shit, Carrie! He ain't yer father! And it's not like we fucked again! Why do ya worry so much about what that little fairy thinks, anyway?"

Carrie jerked her eyes back up to Raphael's face, then pushed herself out of his lap. "I really don't appreciate you talking about Barry like that. Sure, he may not burp and spit like so-called _real men_ do, but, dammit, he's the only best friend I ever had! At least he knows to listen instead of trying to get to second base when I'm talking about something important!"

"Well, if ya would just spit it out instead of babblin' on-" Raphael reached again for Carrie but let his hand fall as Carrie crossed her arms over her chest and turned her nose in the air. Resting his elbow on the back of the couch, Raphael rubbed at the space between his eyes with his thumb and forefinger, sighed in frustration, then tapped Carrie on the shoulder.

"Okay, I'm sorry." He lowered his hand from his face and leaned over. "Come on, babe. I wanna hear what ya have ta say. I really do."

Carrie turned her head sharply, the neatly trimmed ends of her hair lightly smacking Raphael in the face. "All right, but you better keep your hands to yourself!"

"Until ya tell me ta move them, they'll stay right here!" Raphael entwined his fingers together and folded his hands into his lap. "Now hurry up and talk! I ain't the patience ta sit all freakin' day!"

"Okay!" Carrie spun back around and copied Raphael's pose. " All I want to ask you is, after last night, do you feel-," Carrie stopped, noting that Raphael was no longer looking at her, but at something over the top of her blonde head, and she felt a strong wave of tension fill the air as Raphael tightened his shoulders and dropped his smile.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt," Leonardo spoke softly after clearing his throat.

"I bet ya didn't." Raphael growled, his eyes burning at the sight of his brother.

"Good morning, Leo," Carrie turned to face him, noticing that his face mask was hanging around his neck as Raphael's was. "You look like you finally got some rest."

"Yeah, I did. I feel a lot better." Leonardo tried his best to smile as Raphael's cold glare stared him down. "Uh, would you mind if I talked to Raph?"

"Not at all!" Carrie beamed, glancing back at Raphael and jabbing him in the ribs. " Go talk to your brother."

"I ain't got nothin' ta say ta him!" Raphael announced, not caring that Leonardo was still present in the room with them. "And we ain't done talkin' yet, either!"

"It can wait." Carrie stood up and pulled Raphael to his feet, shoving him with all her might toward the dining room. Raphael fell forward, but caught himself before crashing into Leonardo, and quickly protected himself by folding his arms over his chest.

"Well, what do ya want?" He snapped, but sighed as Leonardo waved him to follow.

"Outside, if you don't mind," Leonardo replied calmly.

"Ya, I do mind." Raphael grumbled, but followed behind his brother through the back door to the porch, the glistening snow blinding him momentarily as he stepped into the sun.

"All right, let's just get this over with!" Raphael boomed. " Yer sorry, I'm sorry. Same old shit! Just like the last twenty some years we've fought and made up! Nothin' ever changes!"

Leonardo shook his head. "No it doesn't, Raph. I agree with you. And you would think after doing it for so long, we would just...give up on it all."

"Wait a minute," Raphael raised a brow and pointed his finger at Leonardo. "Yer not plannin' on apologizin', are ya?"

"No, I feel that I don't have anything to apologize for."

Raphael's jaw fell to his feet. "What? Ya gotta be kiddin' me! What about jumpin' my ass and poundin' the shit outta me? What about that?"

Leonardo once again shook his head, this time sighing heavily. "It doesn't matter anymore, Raph. It happened, it's over. I don't want to dwell on it."

"What the fuck is up with ya?" Raphael exclaimed, a small bit of exasperated laughter coming out. "Have ya been hittin' the bottle again, Leo?"

Leonardo yawned. "Raph, would you just stop and listen to me?"

Raphael wrinkled his brows together and snorted. "What the hell is up with everyone? Is taday national 'Listen Ta Me' day or somethin'?"

"The others are at Casey's grandma's house in North Hampton," Leonardo blurted out. "I talked to everyone on the radio last night. Despite Mikey whining about his broken arm, everyone sounded okay."

"What?" Raphael blinked, rubbing ast his ear holes to make sure he heard his brother correctly. "They- you found 'em? Everyone's okay?"

Leonardo let out the smile he had been hiding and nodded, then jumped as Raphael suddenly squeezed him in a tight bear hug and lifted him off the ground. After a short drop back down to the porch, Leonardo watched Raphael walked down the steps and onto the snow, his smiling face as bright as the sun that hit his dark green skin.

"Can I talk to 'em? I bet Masta Splinter asked if I was stayin' out of trouble! I wonder if Donnie'll smack Mikey upside the head for me? I ain't done it in so long, my hand's goin' through withdrawals!"

Leonardo chuckled, then followed his brother over the snow to the barn. "I'm sure they're up, Raph. The channel is still set on the right frequency. Casey told me he'll keep his CB on all the time now."

"That bonehead. I actually miss that guy! Me and him will havta go bar hoppin' when we get back-," Raphael stepped up to the table and grabbed the microphone, only to stop and let the smile fall from his face. "Uh, Leo?"

"What's wrong?" Leonardo caught up with Raphael and began to examine the radio. "It didn't die again, did it?"

"No." Raphael dropped the receiver back to the table and slumped down on the stool, his inner thoughts suddenly drawn to something else. He looked up at Leonardo, knowing that his brother could see the sadness in his eyes. "Does this mean we gotta leave now?"

"Huh?" Leonardo blinked. "What do you mean by that? I thought you wanted to get out of here! You were _yelling_ at me because we've had to stay for so long!"

Raphael slowly stood, his shoulders drooping down along with his face as he slunk back toward the barn doors. "I know, but...but somethin'..."

"Raph?" Leonardo grabbed his brother's shoulder and turned him around. "If it's about Bishop finding us, don't worry. Donnie and I are coming up with a plan to get us out without-,"

"No, Leo. It ain't that!" Raphael pushed Leonardo's hand from his shoulder, his eyes sticking to the floor. "It's just-somethin' happened last night..."

"Carrie..." Leonardo murmured, glad that Raphael couldn't see the cold glare that was directed toward him, but he wasn't so lucky with his tone. "And what _exactly_ happened, if you don't mind my asking?"

Raphael rose his eyes from the floor and felt his anger flow through him as he met Leonardo's stare. "Just how long were ya standin' there, Leo?"

"Long enough," Leonardo snapped. "And after everything you accused _me_ of yesterday, you have some nerve throwing yourself at her!"

"Everythin' I said yesterday still holds true, Leo!" Raphael growled , shoving his forefinger into his brother's chest plates. " And for yer information, Carrie threw herself at _me_!"

"What?" Leonardo asked, unable to mask his shock.

"Yeah, that's right! Carrie kissed _me, _Leo! She chose _me_! And I'm glad she did! Ya wanna know why?"

Leonardo took a step back, his eyes still wide as the smile came back on Raphael's face, more devious than happy, and it only made Leonardo feel even more uneasy. "Why?"

"Cause now I got a chance ta prove ta _you_ that I'm capable of carin' for someone! It's a chance ta prove that I can be better than what ya think I am!"

"Raphael, _you_ are _insane_!" Leonardo yelled. " I don't care if you can or not! And you can't stand here and tell me that you actually have _real_ feelings for Carrie, because I know that you don't! This just all stems from some sexual fantasy world the two of you created! All you are going to do is suck her into sleeping with you again! And then what? What will happen when we get ready to leave?"

"Now hold on a second!" Raphael jumped in. "All that is pure BS, Leo! Ya have no clue how I really feel about her! And when we go home-,"

"Are you going to take her with us?" Leonardo lunged forward, causing Raphael to step back. "You know that's not possible, nor would it be fair to Carrie! Hell, it wouldn't be fair to any of us! And to finish for you, when we go home, all you are going to do is crush her heart and leave her in a broken mess! Is that what you want, Raph? Is it?"

Raphael studied the intense expression Leonardo held in his eyes. " I wish ya could see yerself, Leo. How _crazy_ ya look." He pushed Leonardo away, feeling like he had no oxygen to breath. "Maybe if ya would've just fucked Karai without fallin' for her, ya would still be in yer right mind."

" Oh, _no,_ you just didn't-," Leonardo then grabbed Raphael's shoulders and pulled his brother in closer to his face and whispered, all the while hooking Raphael's eyes into his stone cold stare.

"So help me, Raph, if you do anything to hurt her, you will regret the day, the _very_ _moment_, you laid a hand on her, because I will do everything in my power to make you pay for it. Got it?"

Raphael pushed Leonardo away and swallowed the lump in his throat, feeling more confused and hurt than angry at his brother's harsh words. He turned to walk back to the barn doors, but stopped to speak once more.

"She mustva really broken yer heart, bro. Almost makes me feel sorry for ya." Raphael opened the barn door and noticed Carrie rushing around in the kitchen through the window, and his smile returned, the coldness from the barn disappearing as he thought about holding Carrie in his arms once again.

"Yep...almost."

* * *

Later on that evening, after fighting against the wind-blown snow drift that blocked the doors, Carrie balanced a wooden tray in her hands across the barn floor, stopping a few inches behind the blue masked turtle as he sat in a deep mediation, knowing that he had been in the same spot and in the same cross-legged position all day. Carrie bent down, placing the tray of food on the ground, then opened her mouth to speak, but gasped in surprise when Leonardo spoke first. 

"Another offering? I'm beginning to feel like some Buddha statue."

Carrie giggled, relieve to find Leonardo in a good mood. " I didn't want to interrupt you earlier. You looked like you were on another planet or something. I hope the omelet wasn't too cold."

"It was when I got around to it." Leonardo turned his body around, wincing at the stiffness that had settled in his lower back, but soon forgot it as he inhaled the plate of food in front of him. "That smells great! What is this?"

"It's Chicken Curry," Carrie lifted the plate into Leonardo's hands, then handed him a fork. "My mom's so called 'secret' recipe. I found out a few years ago that the curry seasoning she told me was homemade was actually from a bar you melt with water!" Carrie shook her head and sighed. "It was like finding out Santa Claus wasn't real!"

After sharing a laugh, a suffocating silence closed around them, and for the first time, a new uncomfortable strain formed between them. Leonardo looked up from his still untouched food and found Carrie staring at him, her eyes pleading for him to speak, but Leonardo found he couldn't get any words out as his heart swelled in his throat and the queasiness returned to his stomach. He envisioned throwing himself at Carrie, grabbing her tightly and giving her a million reasons to forget about his brother. But instead Leonardo sighed, returned the plate to the tray, and jumped to his feet. Carrie did the same, but felt hurt as Leonardo turned his back to her, folding his arms together and bowing his head down.

"Leo, did-did I...do something wrong?" Carrie pleaded softly.

Leonardo braced himself, pushing his feet closer to the floor to stay in one place. "No, Carrie. You didn't. I don't want you to feel guilty about anything. This-this is between me and-," Leonardo began to choke on his words, and the deep breath he took didn't help the shakiness in his voice.

"Leo, I know something is wrong. What is going on between you and Raph that has both of you on edge like this?" Carrie placed her warm hand on the chilled skin of Leonardo's shoulder, and it sent shivers down the turtle's spine.

Leonardo slowly stepped out of Carrie's reach and was finally able to find his voice after pushing back his carnal needs.

"Do you love him, Carrie?"

Carrie froze, her hand still poised in the air after falling from the turtle's shoulder. "What? I don't-how did you know-,"

"Just answer me...please." Leonardo turned his head slightly, now able to see Carrie's terrified expression from the corner of his left eye.

Carrie lowered her eyes to the ground, feeling like a child being scolded by a parent. "Would it be wrong to say if I did?"

"Do you?" he asked again, this time completely facing Carrie and watching as a few tears found their way down her face.

"I-I don't know," Carrie wiped at her face and sniffled. "I haven't really-talked to him about it yet. I think I do-," She rose her tear-glistened eyes to Leonardo's stern expression, and felt more drops fall down her cheeks. "Why are you so angry about this, Leo? And why do you guys keep fighting? I just-just don't..."

Leonardo dropped his arms and rushed down to Carrie's side as she fell to her knees and sobbed into her hands. Unable to hold back anymore, Leonardo wrapped Carrie in a tight embrace, absorbing every shake that erupted from Carrie's sobs, and wanted nothing more than time to freeze so they would be in the moment forever.

"Just please tell me what is going on!" Carrie demanded, pushing herself back at Leonardo's sudden hold. "I can't take anymore arguing between the two of you! I have my own life to worry about, you know! You have no idea how hard it has been with the two of you here! My life is in complete disarray"

"Carrie, I-," Leonardo started, but was pushed back even more as Carrie stood up and began to pace, her words coming out as screams through her tears.

"Why is it taking so long for you to find your family, or are you guys just enjoying your free stay? Just taking your sweet time, plotting out your next move, while I sit around and wonder if you are telling me the truth about everything!"

"We have been telling you the truth!" Leonardo yelled back, then steadied himself before he spoke again. "Carrie, just please calm down."

"I can't _calm_ down, Leo!" Carrie stopped pacing and held her arms to her chest. "There is just so much that-things are too complicated for me. I can't handle-,"

As Carrie cried harder and her body refused to move another step, Leonardo slowly walked over to her and took Carrie in his arms.

"Everything is okay, Carrie." He spoke in a gentle voice, his hand stroking Carrie's soft blonde hair. "Please believe me when I tell you that we have kept nothing from you. Everything we have told you is true. And... I'm sorry for the way Raph and I have been acting." He leaned back and looked down into Carrie's wet eyes to catch her attention with a smile. "If you lived with us all the time, you would see this is how we normally act."

Carrie inhaled and let out a small laugh, but dropped her eyes back to the floor and sighed. "I'm sorry, Leo. There has just been so much in my head that I have to deal with, and I guess I just-exploded."

"Why do you think I've been meditating all day?" Leonardo smiled again, his thumb wiping the tears away. " I don't like being that way, either, but- I've been taking things out on Raph that I shouldn't have. It's only now that I realize that it was wrong. I was more angry at myself. Raph was just in the wrong place at the right time, so to speak."

"Leo," Carrie finished drying her eyes with the long sleeve of her brown shirt and stepped back out of his hands. "Why did you ask me if I was in love with him?"

"Maybe that was also wrong of me to do," Leonardo picked up the wooden tray and sat it on the table next to the buzzing radio. " It's not right for me to tell you how I feel about it."

"So Raph _did_ tell you about what happened last night." Carrie followed Leonardo, unconsciously keeping a slight distance between them. "I knew he lied to me. He wouldn't have been so upset if he hadn't."

"He told me a little, but I made it into more than what it was." Leonardo confessed, then looked back into Carrie's eyes. "I don't want to get in the way- if this is what you _really_ want."

"Get in the way?" Carrie asked, the lines in her forehead wrinkling in confusion. "What _I_ want? What about what your brother wants?"

"I don't care about what Raph _thinks_ he wants or needs," Leonardo whipped his hand into the air dismissing Carrie's inquiry. " I'm more concerned about you. _You_ are the important one here. _You_ have more to lose."

"Leo, why are you saying things like that?" Carrie shrugged her shoulders, her palms raised in question. But in a quick movement that made Carrie suddenly breathless, Leonardo held onto her arms and pulled her closer to him.

"Just tell me you won't get sucked into his head games, Carrie. Raph won't-he..._can't_ love you the way you want him to. He...doesn't understand it. He doesn't... _get it_, like you-like _we_ do."

Carrie felt the choking tension return and pulled out of Leonardo's grasp, her eyes wide with a new kind of fear that she never thought she would feel with her close friend.

"I have to go now, Leo. I have...things I have to do."

She turned to leave, but allowed Leonardo to stop her one last time before she exited the barn.

"Just promise me, Carrie. Promise me you won't let him hurt you again."

Carrie stared at Leonardo's hold on her upper arm, then looked at the raving glare in the turtle's eyes before pulling away and walking out into the cold without another word, once again leaving Leonardo alone in his lonely, broken hearted world.


	15. Chapter Fifteen: United

_I must give a warning: This chapter is full of romantic mush! Read with a open heart and bare emotions! ;0) The dirty version of this chapter is on AFF, but is still full of mush! Oh, and thanks for more great reviews!

* * *

_

Chapter Fifteen: United

_The sun had begun to set behind the Woodthough family plantation, dragging a group of violent, dark clouds with it as it faded across the sky. Jackie opened her eyes, the tears still fresh on her long lashes, and she shuddered as the strong wind blew the ends of her dress over her bare legs. The scratches from her mad dash through the blackberry patch were still red, some even bleeding, but the stinging pain did not deter Jackie to move from where she had finally fallen from exhaustion. While resting her head on her extended arm, Jackie lifted her wet eyes to the gravestone above her, and let out a faint whimper as she forced herself to turn on her belly, almost blacking out from how tender the area was. Raking her dirty fingers across the stone, Jackie let a few more silent tears fall down her flush cheeks as she spoke to the ghost that laid below her._

"_Mama, tell me why you married such a horrible man? Why?" The tears came out faster, and Jackie found herself pounding at the soil, not caring that the clouds had opened up and the rain was falling._

"_All he does is beat and rape me, Mama!" Jackie screamed, burying her face in her arms and inhaling a nose full of dirt. " And now, I've let his son do the same! I hate them! I hate them both!"_

_Jackie then pushed herself to her knees and pressed her body against the cold headstone, her arms embracing it as if it was alive._

"_I don't know why you left me to live such a life, Mama. Did you really hate me that much? Just because Daddy cheated on you? Just because he left you to raise me and my brother alone? Is that why you felt you had to punish me?"_

_She then leaned back, taking the torn pieces of her dress into her hands and rubbing them through her fingers._

"_I'm glad your dead, Mama. I hated you as much as you hated me. I was so happy at the sound of your neck breaking after that fall. But I suppose taking your life was all in vain. Luke is gone. I lost his love. And-and-,"_

_Jackie paused, her words choking the breath out of her. She grabbed a hand full of dirt and through it at the headstone, only to watch it scatter in the wind._

"_That damn stepbrother of mine! That damned Taylor Fairbank!_ _Now that I'm pregnant with his child, Luke will never take me back! And it's all your fault! I hate you!"_

"_Jackie," A voice suddenly called out from the edge of the family graveyard. She turned sharply, her large eyes full of fear as the lightening flashed._

"_You-," Jackie slowly stood, her hands resting on her stomach. " I didn't think you were coming back."_

_Luke stood strong against the wind as it blew, the rain slapping at his enraged eyes. He took a few steps forward, then stopped as the scratches and bruises on Jackie's body were more apparent._

"_I told you I would, Jackie," He looked over her again, then at the lump her shaking hands covered. " Man, that's some intense shit-_

"What? No! That's not-," Carrie flipped her easer over and rubbed feverishly at the notepad in her lap. She turned her head to the left and found Raphael squatted down at her side, his eyes running back over the words she had written down. She then laughed at herself, realizing that she was so into her work that she didn't notice him join her.

"She got knocked up by her _step-brother_?" Raphael shook his head and whistled. "Yer more messed up than I thought!"

Carrie wrinkled her nose, then laughed as Raphael took a seat on the floor. " People like 'messed up' stuff like that. Haven't you ever read V.C. Andrews? Danielle Steel?"

"Do I _look_ like I read?" Raphael asked, his fingers pushing at his chest. "You'd be lucky ta even get a newspaper in my hands, let alone a book!"

"You poor, deprived turtle," Carrie joked in a fake, sympathy tone, patting Raphael's cheek. He frowned back, his eyes locked in a blank stare, which only made Carrie laugh harder.

She poked him playfully in the side, stopping when she was able to bring back the smile that made her melt into a puddle.

"So, to what do I owe to the sudden grace of your appearance on this cold and snowy evening?" Carrie closed her notebook and turned her hips so that she could fully face Raphael.

"Huh?" Raphael arched a bow, then put together Carrie's strange phrasing. "Oh, uh, well, I was workin' on my bike, and I got ta thinkin': It's Christmas Eve. Why the hell am I out here doin' this shit when I could be inside the house-,"

"Oh! That's sweet!" Carrie pressed her palms to her chest. "You wanted to spend some time with me."

"Uh, actually, I just wanted ta get warm." Raphael pointed to the fireplace. "I think that heater in the barn is on the fritz or somethin'."

Carrie felt her heart drop to the floor, and as a few tears welled up in her eyes, Raphael laughed and returned the poking she had given him just moments before.

"We have gotta get ya over this whole sensitive thing!" He leaned back against the coffee table and stretched out his legs, wiggling his toes as the heat of the fire drained the cold away. Carrie bowed her head and scribbled on the notebook cover with her dull pencil, knowing that Raphael was playing, but was still unable to hide her embarrassed feelings and the water in her eyes. She felt Raphael's finger poke at her lower back, and it made her cringe even more.

"Come on! Get over yerself already!" Raphael cried out with a slightly agitated laugh. He grabbed onto her hips and spun her around. Carrie squealed in protest and dropped the notebook to the ground as he lifted her and straddled her across his lap, catching her wrists in a tight grasp, making it hard for Carrie to get away. She squeezed her knees into Raphael's hips, hoping that the pressure would distract him enough to let her go, but Raphael laughed again and tightened his hold.

"What is that? Some kind of foreplay?" He chuckled. "I havta tell ya, I'm really likin' it!"

Carrie blew at her bangs as they fell in her eyes and she glared at her captor, aware that a smile was creeping back on her face. She let her legs relax, then her upper body, and Raphael slowly released his hands, only to place them on Carrie's lower back.

"Can I ask ya somethin'?"

Carrie brushed her hair behind her ears and looked into Raphael's eyes, feeling a little uncertain by his sudden serious tone. "Sure."

"Since we never got around ta talkin' a few days ago, can we do it now?"

"I'd like that." Carrie nodded. "You must have a lot to say if you're finally bringing it up."

"I've just had a bunch of shit ta deal with. I needed time ta think." Raphael looked at the carpet and narrowed his eyes, remembering how he has spent the past three days sitting alone in a hidden area of the hay loft after another argument with his brother left him feeling angry and frustrated.

Carrie pulled Raphael's eyes back to hers with a soft touch of her hand on his face. "You're so tense. What made you so upset?"

"It's nothin'. I got over it." Raphael lied, not wanting to get into a conversation about that hurtful words Leonardo had thrown at him. "Let's just keep this about us, okay?"

"Okay," Carrie answered softly, then placed her palms on Raphael's shoulders. "So..."

"So..." Raphael repeated, shrugging his shoulders. "Are ya expectin' _me_ ta start this? Ain't that askin' a bit too much?"

"No, I just...forgot what I wanted to say." Carrie giggled, her eyes drifting toward the ceiling.

"Why are ya here on Christmas anyway?" Raphael asked, bringing Carrie back to his face. "Ain't this supposed ta be a family time or somethin'?"

"Yeah, right," Carrie replied with a snort. "I haven't spent _any_ holiday with my family in three years. My Dad and I got into this big fight, and he told me that he never wanted me come back ever again."

"I don't even know the guy, and yet- I feel the need ta punch him out!"

Carrie laughed and laid her head against Raphael's now warm chest. "It's not worth it. My father is just mad because I'm able to live out my dreams instead of being stuck behind a desk all day like he is."

"But still," Raphael rested his chin on Carrie's head and stared into the jumping flames as the wood cracked loudly. "He doesn't havta tell ya ta never come back! No parent should ever treat their kid like that. Hell, some of the stuff I've done would get me a kick in the head _and_ in the ass by Masta Splinter, but he'd never throw me out. Now, on the other hand, Leo would. That's why I'm afraid of when Splinter... he's been gettin' sick more often and..."

Carrie leaned back and watched the lines of sadness and worry around Raphael's brown eyes form. She moved her hands around Raphael's neck and squeezed him tightly, nestling back against the beat of his heart.

"If it does happen, you know you can always come back here."

Raphael sighed, and began to think aloud. "Do I even havta go back at all?"

Carrie blinked, unable to find a comforting answer to Raphael's question. "I guess that's just something you'll have to think about on your own."

"I have been." Raphael pushed Carrie back and held onto her hands, his head leaning to one side as he let his worries fade and changed the subject with a smile. "So, what are we gonna do about this?"

Carrie suddenly blushed, her mind drawing another blank. "Uh...well, uh..."

Raphael rolled his eyes as Carrie giggled and buried her face in their closed fists. " Is this too hard for ya or what?"

Carrie cleared her throat and took in a deep breath. "No, it's not hard. I just don't know where to begin." She pushed her lips together in thought, then gave Raphael's hands a squeeze. "What are your hobbies?"

"What?" Raphael snarled his upper lip. "What does that have ta do-,"

"Just answer me, please!" Carrie pushed the back of Raphael's own hand to his mouth to silence him. "You promised we would start over again, remember? I hardly know anything about you, except that you have a bad temper and you're a sex fiend."

"You got alota nerve callin' me-" Raphael pushed his hands back, but was quieted once again.

"I want to get to know you, Raph," Carrie pleaded, batting her eyelashes for extra flare. "So?"

Raphael sighed as Carrie lowered their hands. "I don't know. I really don't do much."

"There's got to be _something_ that you do in your spare time when you're not crime fighting or whatever it is that you guys do. Think about it."

"My ninja train'." Raphael said with a laugh.

Carrie's smile fell into a no-nonsense frown. "That's a _hobby_?"

"I lift weights." He laughed again. "Does beatin' up Mikey count?"

"Oh yeah, beating up your brother," Carrie said sarcastically. " I've never been more attracted to you than I am now."

"Well, what do _you_ do that's so special?" Raphael asked, returning the mock hateful tone. "All I ever see ya do is tap yer fingers on a keyboard!"

"I do other things beside write." Carrie placed her fists on her hips. " I happen to collect porcelain dolls."

Raphael put his hands up and shook them. " Whoa, hold on! That's too much excitement for me!"

"Shut up." Carrie frowned, her arms crossing over her chest and she quickly thought of something else. "What kind of music do you listen to?"

"Anything heavy and hard," Raphael nodded with a huge grin. "Stuff ya can bang yer head to!"

Carrie's frown remained. " I listen to pop."

"Uh," Raphael scratched the back of his head. "What about movies? I like action and gory horror films."

Carrie shook her head in frustration. " Aside from _Texas Chainsaw Massacre_, it's dramas and historical pieces. Foods?"

"Anythin' spicy."

" Sweets for me. Poetry?"

"Dirty jokes."

"Candles."

"Fireworks." Raphael laughed, then let out a heavy sigh. "Boy, we ain't gettin' anywhere with this!"

"I'll say!" Carrie agreed. "In fact the only thing we have in common is enjoying wild sex!"

Raphael arched an eyebrow, his devious grin returning. "I'm game if you are, babe."

Carrie blew a blast of air out of her nose, her gray eyes narrowed in an annoyed glare. "Pig."

After running her fingers through her hair, Carrie moved from Raphael's lap back to the floor, collecting her notebook and pencil. She then grabbed the metal poker and jabbed at the fire, shuffling the smoldering logs around. When she was satisfied they were turned around enough to burn the rest of the night, Carrie returned the poker and began to head for the stairs, but Raphael was quick to jump up and block her way.

"What now?" He asked, tapping his fingers on the banister. "Ya pissed at what I said again?"

Carrie sighed, her eyes directed at the steps under her feet. "No, I just- maybe I was wrong about-,"

"Wrong about us?" Raphael spoke for her, and Carrie couldn't stop the tears in her eyes from returning once again.

"I just- just thought that we would have something to go from, to start with, you know?" Carrie rose her hand to her eyes and wiped the water away. "But there's nothing. It's not-,"

Raphael pulled Carrie into his arms and pushed her back down the stairs to the middle of the living room were they had started their conversation, and allowed Carrie to quietly sob on his shoulder.

"Does it really matter?" Raphael asked, his hands stroking away at Carrie's hair before pulling her chin up and staring deeply into her eyes. "We don't need all that other shit. The only thing that matters is _this_, right? That we both- _feel_ there's somethin' there."

Carrie blinked, her mouth open in awe. "That is the most sweetest thing I have ever heard you say."

Raphael shrugged as he felt a sudden burn in his cheeks. "Hey, I told ya I got a heart, didn't I?"

"I know all of that too, it's just that-," Carrie buried her head against Raphael and held onto him tightly, suddenly losing her words as his warm body engulfed her.

"Yer shakin'," Raphael pointed out as he returned Carrie's embrace, his hands fluttering down her spine.

"I'm nervous." Carrie admitted, snuggling closer to his neck while her fingertips traced along the inside lines of Raphael's shell, intrigued by the soft feel of his skin. Her fingers found their way down his right side, and Carrie almost jumped when Raphael suddenly shuddered and pushed her back.

"What? What did I do?"

Raphael grinned sheepishly. " Nothin'. That's just a, uh, _very_ sensitive area."

Carrie then felt a devilish smile creep up on her face and she purposely repeated the light touches. "Oh, _really_? I've touched you there before and you never acted like that."

"Yeah, well," Raphael shivered once again and took a step back. "Jabbin' yer finger in my side doesn't exactly count." Another touch, and Raphael let out a growl. "Knock it off."

"Why?" Carrie reached out and managed to rake her fingers on Raphael's left side before he moved away again. "Have I found a turtle turn-on spot?"

"No!" Raphael dashed around the coffee table, barely missing Carrie's out-stretched hand. "Do it again, and yer gonna end up on the ground!"

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" Carrie sidestepped around between the couch and the table, only to watch as Raphael moved toward the fireplace. "Oh, I must have found _something _if you're trying _this_ hard to stay away from me!"

"That's just yer wishful thinkin'!" Raphael smiled and pointed a finger at Carrie, then watched with widening eyes as Carrie stepped onto the coffee and folded her fists on her hips.

"How about I make you a deal?" She tossed her layered blonde hair over her shoulders and smiled seductively while slowly raking her tongue across her teeth. "If you admit I was right and let me touch you again... I'll let you touch one of my turn-on spots."

"Gee, that's a toughie. Gotta think about that one." Raphael rested his right elbow in the opposite hand and tapped on his lips. "What if I just admit ta it, and _you_ give me a table dance?"

"Seriously? Did you already forget how clumsy I am?" Carrie crossed her arms over her chest. "I'll slid off of this thing before I even get my shirt unbuttoned!"

"Ya won't fall," Raphael shook his head in disagreement. "There ain't no ice, and ya ain't liquored up. Now, start strippin'!"

"Kiss my ass!" Carrie cried out through a wicked grin. "Why don't you come up and make me?"

"If you insist." Raphael chuckled, giving himself a second to pop his knuckles. Carrie then realized what she had said, and began to wave her hands in front of her.

"No, no! I was kidding! Please don't-!"

Carrie let out a scream as Raphael dove across the table, catching her by the waist, and the two fell back onto the couch in a loud booming thud that shook the mirrors and candle sconces on the wall above them. Carrie pulled her hands down from her eyes, her palms catching her hot breath, and she blinked at the playful smile Raphael was giving her.

"Don't you _ever_ do that again!" She whispered, her index fingers pointing upright like a football goal post into Raphael's face. He answered with a laugh and brushed a few strands of blonde hair away from Carrie's forehead.

"So are ya gonna tell me, or do I have ta guess?" He softly kissed Carrie's chin, his palms slowly sliding down the arms of Carrie's white blouse, the soft fabric rustling under the small amount of pressure he applied. "I _hope_ that ya let me guess."

"Now who's the wishful thinker?" Carrie joked, but was taken away by Raphael's lips on her neck. A moan escaped from the depths of her throat as Carrie felt goose bumps raising on her skin, tingling her to the point of shuddering again.

"There's one." Raphael moved his left hand back up Carrie's arm to entwine their fingers, and was surprised when Carrie again shook as his fingers lightly swept across her open palm. "Two."

Carrie giggled, and wrapped her free hand around Raphael's neck, directing him to kiss her lips. He leaned closer with no resistance, but instead of being forceful, his kisses were gentle and delicate, and Carrie shivered as each kiss tickled her.

"Three."

"You're good at this." Carrie moaned, her long nails barely brushing the back of Raphael's neck.

"I know." Raphael went back to kissing Carrie and brought his free hand down the back of her right shoulder, down her side, and rested at her hip, savoring the way her body curved with his fingertips. He inched his hand under the blouse, stopping at the top of Carrie's jeans, and rubbed at her soft skin, waiting for Carrie to give him the green light to go farther. Their embrace grew more intense all at once, and Raphael pulled free from Carrie's hold, placing his hand on her other hip. Carrie wrapped her other arm around Raphael's neck, her body pushing upward as they kissed deeper, her leg instinctively curling around the turtle's back calf muscle. But as Raphael moved his hands up higher and nibbled at her neck, the fire between her legs came back, and Carrie placed her hands on Raphael's chest to push him away.

"No, I-I can't."

Raphael let out a frustrated sigh and sat back on his knees, allowing Carrie to slid out from under him. But she remained still, her face in a confused expression.

"What are you doing?"

"You said ya didn't want to, so I was gonna let ya get up!" Raphael bellowed, his tone proving how discouraged he really was.

Carrie laughed and clapped her hands. "I only said that to see if you really _would_ move!"

Raphael frowned at first, then let it fade. "Yer awful. Why did ya do that?"

"So you could show me that you're not just after sex anymore."

The frown reappeared. "I coulda just told ya that."

Carrie shook her head and pulled Raphael back down. "Then I wouldn't have been able to see you so _sexually frustrated_."

"Like I said, yer awful."

After another deep kiss, Raphael scooped Carrie off the couch and laid her down closer to the fire, its warmth surrounding them as they made love, both of them feeling things that had never been there before, and experiencing something else that neither one had cared to recognize.

After the waves of ecstasy had passed, Raphael lifted up his head, suddenly feeling Carrie shake beneath him. Wiping the beads of perspiration from between his eyes, Raphael pulled her free from his neck, and was shocked to find a broken dam of tears in Carrie's gray eyes. The drops of water shined brightly in the light of the fire as they fell freely down her cheeks, right to the corners of the warm smile she wore, and Carrie softly brushed her fingers down Raphael's face. He gave her a smile in return, then closed his eyes and lovingly nuzzled Carrie's wet, burning cheek. Carrie let out a long sigh and held her lover's face, not wanting to let go of the moment. She closed her eyes, let the world fall away, and soon fell into a deep, dreamless sleep, finally freed from all of the doubts and fears she had about falling in love.


	16. Chapter Sixteen: Resistance

Chapter Sixteen: Resistance

"...and the Battle Shell took some really hard hits from Bishop's guys. It's took me and Casey almost a month to get her ready for the road. How's Raph coming along with the Shell Cycle?"

Leonardo snorted into the receiver, not bothering to look over his shoulder at the motorcycle that leaned against the barn's left wall with various pieces scattered around.

"Raph's been a little preoccupied the past few days," Leonardo spoke bitterly to his long distance brother Donatello.

"Preoccupied?" Donatello repeated, his voice coming out in a high pitch. " As much as Raph tinkers with that thing, he could have it done in a day! What has he been doing?"

Closing his eyes and rubbing at his aching head, Leonardo let out another irritated laugh as he thought about the giggles and moans that had traveled down the stairs to his ears while he tried to get through his breakfast that very morning, and the various mornings, afternoons and evenings of the past few days.

"Nothing." He finally told his brother after a few seconds. "Anyway, I think our best bet is to have some kind of rendevous point in Vermont. Somewhere away from the main roads." Leonardo looked up to the various papers and maps that he had tacked on the wall. " I've found some good spots, but you would have to check the GPS in the Battle Shell to make sure it's safe."

A long silence followed before Donatello returned to the conversation.

"Leo, I don't mean to pry, but...is there something wrong?"

Leonardo stared into the black metal mesh of the microphone, then cautiously pushed the button, hoping that he didn't sound too distant and impatient this time around.

"Why-why would there be anything wrong?"

"Because the whole time I've been talking to you, which had been a good two hours now, you've been, well, _off_ somewhere. And when I mention Raph-,"

"Everything is _fine_, Donnie, alright?" Leonardo cut in. "I just want to get everyone back together, okay? Is that too much to ask for? Is it wrong for me to be worried about my family?"

Another long silence came, broken only by the purr of static. When Donatello gave no response, Leonardo pushed his button, allowing his brother to hear the long sigh that escaped suddenly.

"Don, I'm sorry. I've..." He laid his head in his open hand. "This whole thing- it's been one big... _fucking_ disaster, and I just need to be with all of you. If only I had just-,"

"Leo," Donatello stopped him. " You can't beat yourself up all the time. We had no clue Bishop had been tracking us, nor did we know he was going to bomb the lair. You did what you could. At least all of us are still alive, right?"

Leonardo lowered his hand, shaking his head, secretly disagreeing with his brother. "I know. You would think I learned not to carry the weight of the world by now."

Donatello quickly came back. "But that's not what I was talking about."

"What _were _you talking about then?" Leonardo asked, his stomach churning in circles.

"Bro, I've known you long enough to know when there's something bothering you, and I can sense it's not Bishop. What happened between you and Raph?"

"Donnie, I told you-," Leonardo started to protest, only to be cut off with Donatello's voice.

"No, you didn't." Donatello said with a slight laugh. " You actually avoided my question, gave me a response that you _thought_ would mask your obvious frustrations in an attempt to throw me off track, and instead tried to have a pity party for yourself with me as the guest of honor, which by the way, was _not_ your best compared to past ones. I didn't feel it that time."

Leonardo blinked in surprise, then suddenly let out a heart-felt chuckle. "I think you're getting too smart for your own good, Don."

"It comes with age." Donatello boasted, having a laugh before getting serious again. "But really Leo, if there's something you need to talk about, you know I'm here to listen."

"I know, Donnie. Thank you. I just..."

His words stopped short, his brain calling them back down his throat to re-think what he was about to spill. Leonardo hated lying to his brothers. How could they put trust in a leader who lies? Keeping his affair with Karai a secret for so long was hard enough, and Leonardo didn't know how Donatello, being the most understanding of them, would react to his dark desires to be with their host. Leonardo couldn't think about Carrie without coming across to himself as a sex-mad fiend, let alone talk about her to someone else. With the buzz of the radio fading in and out, Leonardo inhaled deeply and spoke again.

"Just trust me, Don. Everything is fine."

"Sure it is," Donatello remarked, and Leonardo could imagine the all-knowing smirk his brother had on his face at that moment. "Just make sure Raph gets that bike fixed, and Leo?"

"Yeah?"

"If you finally decide to talk about things, just call me on the radio, 'kay?"

Leonardo smiled through his sadden eyes. "Alright, Donnie. I'll do that."

After a small goodbye, Leonardo lowered the volume on the radio and stood, stretching his arms well over his head then bending at the waist to touch his toes, keeping his knees straight. The stretch was a welcome thing to his stiff body, so Leonardo moved to the center of the barn floor and proceeded with a series of yoga stretches. Halfway through, Leonardo began to recall the first day he had done the exercises with Carrie, their movements flowing perfectly together. He chuckled then, remembering the comment Carrie had made about how chauvinistic guys get when a women tells them they do yoga. It wasn't too long after that Leonardo had put it upon himself to teach her basic self-defense moves, something tugging at him to make sure Carrie had some way to stay safe after he was gone. Leonardo wanted to protect her, even though he hardly knew who she was at the time.

After the series of stretches were through, Leonardo sat down in a Lotus position and pressed his hands together, hoping that he could lose himself in meditation again to stop thinking of Carrie. But once again his memories flowed back, and Leonardo watched behind his closed eyes the day Carrie had first joined him, hoping that she could find some kind of peace from how bad Raphael was treating her. It had taken Carrie a few times to get her legs like Leonardo's, sending him a angry glare after he commented on how flexible she should be with all the yoga she does. The glare quickly died, and Carrie fell backwards in fits of laughter. He joined in, and their meditation session was forgotten as they both threw sarcastic jokes at each other instead.

Leonardo smiled, opening his eyes to the shaded barn walls. By the darkness in the room, Leonardo guessed it was around two in the afternoon. His stomach growled, even more hollow now after having to abandon his breakfast that morning. He rose back to his feet, pushing the need to eat away and instead attempted to practice his kata. Since he had lots of spare time during the past two months, Leonardo had moved on from his normal routines to one that had over fifty connected poses, each one more difficult to hold than the last. Splinter had shown him only the basics of the kata himself, the rest from a book, so Leonardo was left to piece them together.

He placed his heels together, then his palms, then bowed his head, stopping as his chin touched the top of his chest. In one swift movement, Leonardo lunged his left foot forward, his left arm bent and resting on his right fist. He turned to the right, shoving his fist into the air, his right hand opening and grabbing at his left elbow. Another sharp turn on his feet and Leonardo switched his arms, a grunt escaping as his knee turned too slow. He pressed on, twisting his position around so he was now leaning his weight on his bent right leg, his right arm stretched out and his left fist resting at his side.

'_What the hell is that one called?"_

"_That, Raphael, is called Gojushiho Dai- 54 steps... and mind your language."_

Leonardo brought down his elbow, his cry echoing along the ceiling, and he turned to face the barn doors, his elbow jabbing at the air around him. He brought them forward, crossing his closed fists, then pulled his left arm back. A few drops of sweat began to form on Leonardo's forehead, and they slide down between his eyes as he pushed his arm forward again.

"_It looks hard."_

"_Indeed it is, Michelangelo. But your brother has needed to advance, and this kata is exceptionally difficult."_

He thrust his left fist upwards, sending his right arm back, then switched, only laying his right arm out flat and pointed toward the floor. Lifting it back up at waist level, Leonardo jabbed forward with his left fist, bent it across his chest, then rose his right leg high into the air, kicking madly at the empty space before him. He let out another yell and spun around, his back once again toward the barn doors.

"_He movin' around like he's had a few too many!"_

"_Actually Raph, Leo's supposed to be mimicking a bird attacking an enemy with its beak. That's what Master Splinter's book says anyway." _

"_Thanks for that insight, Professor."_

"_Hush, my children. This requires a lot of concentration."_

"_Like we could ever break his concentration, sensei."_

"_Mikey's right. Nothin' can break Leo's focus."_

"Leo?"

With his left leg bent far behind him and his arms set at unmatched positions, Leonardo quickly turned his neck to the voice. The sudden movement threw the rest of his body off-balance, and Leonardo toppled over, hitting the barn floor with a loud thud. He laid motionless, the hit on the wooden floor causing an uncomfortable vibrating sensation throughout his shell, and he placed his hands over his eyes as the pain traveled into his head.

"Oh, Leo! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to scare you!" Carrie cried out, her footsteps thumping into Leonardo's aching head as she ran across the floor. She knelt down and grabbed at his upper arms, lifting him up enough to use her shoulders to push him the rest of the way up into a sitting position.

"Are you okay?" Carrie asked after Leonardo had finished rubbing at his eyes.

"Yeah, I-," Leonardo met with Carrie's glistening grey eyes and immediately lost his train of thought.

"I wish I had your concentration!" Carrie laughed as she brushed pieces of hay from Leonardo's shell and elbow pads. "I can lose myself into something, but not like that."

"It's nothing...really...you just..." Leonardo mumbled, the sweeping of Carrie's fingertips against his skin sending tremors down his spine. He gulped at the lump in his throat as Carrie leaned a little lower, the sleeve of her unzipped grey hoodie falling down her shoulder, and the opening of her tank top revealed a hint of the powder blue bra snuggled up against her full breasts. Leonardo turned away, his exhaled breath staggering from his open mouth, and he turned his seemingly famous concentration toward stopping the growing bulge within his shell.

"Look, Carrie, maybe you should go." Leonardo pushed her hands away and jumped to his feet, his hands subconsciously pulling at the knot of his belt. "I'm-I'm in the middle of my..."

"I know you are, Leo, but I really need to talk to you."

Leonardo closed his eyes, his mouth saying the word 'no' silently several times before he turned around with a fake smile, hoping that his nervous hands weren't noticeable.

"Oh yeah? About-about what?"

Carrie sighed, tugging at the ends of her hair before whipping it behind her ears. "I just can't take this thing that's going on between you and Raph. You need to talk to him. I have like _no_ space to myself anymore!"

Leonardo's smile fell, his brow instead arching up in question. "But I thought the two of you were..."

Carrie met with Leonardo's eyes and felt a blush on her cheeks. "We _are_ but, he's just there _all the time_, and I guess it's where I was used to having some much alone time that...Leo? Is something wrong?"

"You, uh, got a..." Leonardo made a motion to his neck, but kept his vicious growl to himself.

Carrie's eyes grew, then she slapped her right palm over the deep blue bruise on her neck. "Oh my God, that _pig_! He's _so_ dead! I told him not to do that!"

"Haven't you learned by now that Raph _never_ does what he's told?" Leonardo crossed his arms over his chest and stared at the floor, the bitterness returning in his voice.

Carrie felt the tension rise in her friend and she took a few steps toward him. "Why won't you tell me what's really bothering you? We used to talk about everything, but just all of the sudden- you're not yourself anymore. What's going on?"

The touch of her warm hand on the cool skin of his arm caused the muscle underneath to quiver, but instead of running from her, Leonardo remained still, finally keeping eye contact with Carrie while soaking in the beauty of her pale face.

"What's Raph doing right now?"

Carrie leaned her head to one side, puzzled by Leonardo's inquiry. "Well, when I left him, he was in the living room, stuffing his face with Cheez-Its and screaming obscenities at the television."

This time it was Leonardo's turn to wear the dumbfounded look.

"Football. It's the playoffs." Carrie replied with a confused shrug of her shoulders. "Something about it makes a guy's testosterone level go berserk."

Leonardo dropped his arms and grabbed Carrie's hand, pulling her toward the middle of the barn before stopping, his eyes darting around the dirty floor.

"Well, I thought it would be better to sit for this but it seems we're short on things to sit on."

Carrie also looked around, then pulled her hand free as she plopped on the floor, the dust scattering around her in all directions.

"This looks good to me. I'm not worried about having a dirty ass. That's why they created laundry detergent."

The giggle Carrie let out made Leonardo calm a little as he sat down directly in front of her, but the stiffness in his back and shoulders showed Carrie that he was not in the mood for playing around. Leonardo stayed silent after they had settled, keeping his eyes to Carrie's muddy tennis shoes as his chin rested on his closed fists. Carrie waited patiently, her thumbs tapping together in her lap to the rhythm of the hard rock song in her head. She couldn't remember the name of it, only the comment Raphael had made about it being a good song to screw to, which they happened to be doing at that time. She giggled again, then shyly turned her head when Leonardo looked at her.

"Sorry." Carrie pulled the ends of her sleeves over her hands, her fingers disappearing under the soft fabric.

Leonardo straightened his back and cleared his throat. " Okay, Carrie. I... the thing is that..." He waved his hands around, but found his words refused to come out. "No. Forget it. I can't do this."

"Leo, just relax!" Carrie grasped Leonardo's hands and settled them in her lap with her own. "Whatever you have to say, just say it!"

"I-I don't know if I should-,"

"Come on, Leo! It's me! We can talk about _anything_!"

"I know we can, but this is just-,"

"Just let it out!" Carrie threw her hands into the air. "Don't make me break into a song and dance about this! Come to think of it, wasn't there a musical that had a song about this? I'll have to ask Barry. He would know. The guy _lives_ on Broadway so-,"

Carrie's absentminded rambles where suddenly cut short as Leonardo took her face in his hands and pressed his lips against hers. She froze, her body unwilling to move except for the nervous shakes that erupted from her own hands. Her eyelids remained open, refusing to blink as she stared into the blue fabric that surrounded Leonardo's closed eyes. His lips never moved, nor did he increase the pressure, just held them as if they were glued together. As awkward as the kiss was, Carrie could fell there was more behind it, something that she guessed Leonardo couldn't form into words, something that was slowly driving her mad to know. But as the kiss lingered on, her curiosity started to get the better of her, and just as her body started to relax and give in, Leonardo pushed back, turning his eyes to the floor in shame.

Carrie snapped out of her trance and inhaled sharply, her voice trembling as she spoke. "Leo, what-I don't understand. Why did you do that?"

Leonardo squeezed his eyes shut and turned his body around, not wanting Carrie to see the embarrassment of his actions weighing heavy on his face.

"Because I-I think I'm in love you."

The gasp Carrie let out was highly audible, and she quickly covered her gapping mouth with her right hand. As much as it came as a horrible surprise to Carrie, she couldn't help but feel touched by Leonardo's affection for her. She had wanted the same out of Raphael, to hear him tell her the same thing so she could truly know that he felt the way she did. But no matter how many times she had confessed her love to Raphael, or how many times she had slept with him, he would never open up. Carrie then cursed herself for questioning how she felt about Raphael, knowing deep in her heart that it was real, but Leonardo's unexpected kiss had accidently affected her in another way, and her growing wonder behind his confession made her suddenly feel sick with determination to find out if his feelings were true.

Carrie lowered her hands to the floor and got on her knees, crawling slowly around Leonardo's back to meet him face to face. Leonardo lifted his head, his watery eyes showing her nothing but fear and shame, which only seemed to worsen as Carrie wiped her hands on her jeans then began to reach around his neck.

"Carrie, what-no, don't." Leonardo brought up his hands, blocking Carrie's advances. "No, it was wrong. Please don't."

Carrie placed her slender index finger to his mouth. "It's alright, Leo. I just... want to find out something."

She scooted closer to him, her knees just touching him, and Carrie placed her hands just behind Leonardo's chin, cupping his face like he had done hers. Their eyes locked, each taking some time to study the other, the fear of being discovered radiating between them. Carrie then leaned in, shutting the worries of the world around them away as her eyes closed, and softly touched her lips to Leonardo. At first she didn't know what to do, feeling as if she had never kissed anyone before, but Leonardo pushed back at her, parting his lips slightly to delivered a deeper embrace. Carrie instantly melted into him, her hands trembling on his face as she felt Leonardo slid his hands around her back, almost pulling her into his lap. A shiver passed through her, and Carrie wished that it was from the cold air that leaked in through the window, but knew that Leonardo was having a bigger affect on her than she wanted to believe.

Leonardo felt Carrie shudder in his arms, and instead of feeling excited and relieved that he finally had his chance to let go of his bottled up emotions, Leonardo felt a growing panic crawl up from the pit of his gut. His thoughts first went to Raphael, knowing that if his brother would sudden walk in on them, he would show no mercy and beat Leonardo to a pulp. He then thought of Carrie, not of the softness of her full lips nor the gentle touch of her hands, but of how much he was confusing her. Her love was for his brother, there was no way he could change that. But then something else began to come through the darkness of his thoughts. Karai. Their first meeting after the war for the city had ended, which had started in friendly battle but ended an in explosive sexual escapade in the shadowy corners of a roof loft. He could still feel Karai grinding against him, her fingernails clawing at his shoulders, her lascivious cries echoing through the alley below. The excitement and fear of getting caught was their driving force. The driving force that made Leonardo go back to Karai over and over again. The driving force that totally blinded him to the fact that she was plotting against him and his family.

With each memory, his anger took more control of his actions. He pushed his kiss harder on Carrie, let his hands begin to roam a little too much, and ignore the rapidly growing beating of his heart, opting to instead concentrate on the heat within his shell. Carrie, on the other hand, could tell things were getting too heated and broke off the kiss, holding Leonardo back with her palms against his chest. She looked away from the lustful glare under Leonardo's blue mask, pushing her lips together as if holding onto the sensation. It took Carrie a few minutes to face him again, but she still couldn't find any words to speak about what had just happened. Carrie stood up, ready to walk out and forget what had just happened, but was stopped as Leonardo reached out and grabbed her left hand, his expression changing back to a teary-eyed mess of dread and disgrace. She hated seeing Leonardo so hurt, but she knew they had already dug themselves too deep in a hole of mistrust. She yanked her hand free and hurried toward the door, glancing back at Leonardo's hunched over frame before running out into the snow.

* * *

Early the next morning, Raphael woke up to a strange noise. He hadn't slept well all night, which was bad enough, but the hours he had managed to sleep were light, waking to every creek and crack the old house made. So when he was reawakened at 5 o'clock by the sounds in the bed next to him, Raphael was ready to punch a hole in the wall. That is until he lifted up his head and saw Carrie tossing around under the bed sheet, still naked from the night before. At first he was unmoved, but then a seemingly pleased moan erupted from deep in her throat, and Raphael flipped onto his side and scooted closer to her.

"Hello! What's goin' on over here?" Raphael propped his head up on his palm, his elbow resting on Carrie's pillow, and he peered into the quivering smile she was wearing. Carrie whipped her head toward him, another moan came out, and her smile grew bigger.

"Damn!" Raphael whispered, watching Carrie arch her back a little, her hand gliding across her own stomach under the sheet. "You have _no _idea how hot this is! Thanks for _not_ invitin' me, by the way."

Carrie then laid still, and after waiting a few more seconds, Raphael shrugged and turned over, hoping he could fall back asleep before the sun started to pour in through the lacy white curtains. His eyes were just about to close when Carrie let out a loud gasp, scaring Raphael and sending him upright into a sitting position.

"What? What's wrong?" He asked, but then noticed that Carrie was still asleep and still unaware of what she was doing. Raphael leaned back against the headboard, bringing his knees up to his chest, and watched the show that was going on beside him.

"Whoever he is, I hope he's havin' fun. Lucky bastard."

Carrie's back curved again, her lips parting to let out another moan, and her arms slide up the satin bed sheets, her fingernails scratching at the headboard before they fell back down, leaving Carrie motionless once again.

"Oh, come on! I know ya didn't get off _that_ fast!" Raphael laughed, happy that Carrie couldn't hear him. A yawn crept up on him, the desire to sleep far more alluring than what was going on beside him, but before Raphael could take a chance to lay back down, Carrie let out a small shriek. The yawn abruptly stopped, Raphael blinked stupidly as Carrie slid her own hand back under the sheet and didn't stop until she had reached deep between her legs. She gasped again, her knees squeezing together in time with her hips, and all at once, Raphael forgot about how tired he was.

"Okay, now this ain't fair. Ya gotta let me get in on this." He slid down next to her, his fingers creeping down her stomach while he kissed on her neck, right above the blueish hued hickey he had given her the day before. Carrie moaned loudly to his touch, her head leaning back to expose more of her neckline. Raphael happily joined her wondering hand, and the increased pressure suddenly prompted her to speak in her sleep.

"Mmmmm, that's good. Do it again."

Raphael did what he was told, but noticed there was a difference in her voice. It was more demanding, more aggressive than she had ever been with him. He kissed her again, keeping his eyes on the smile on her face, a smile that he had never seen her wear before, and Raphael couldn't feeling not only a little jealous, but a little suspicious as well.

"Ya like that? Ya want it again, baby?" Raphael whispered into Carrie's ear, hoping he could penetrate her erotic dream.

"Yes. Touch me again." Carrie groaned back, her hands lightly brushing across her body.

"Tell me how good it feels." He added, nipping at her neck once more, and Carrie placed her arm around Raphael neck.

"It's so good." Carrie whispered, her fingers caressing the back of Raphael's neck. She moaned again, then let out something that made Raphael's blood run even colder than it already did.

"Leo..."

"What?" Raphael removed his hands and sat up. "Fuckin' bit-,"

Acting on mere reflexes than rational thought, Raphael shoved at Carrie with his foot, causing her to roll over and fall face first to the floor. Carrie immediately woke up and stumbled to her knees, the bed sheet falling off her bare body to the floor.

"What the _hell_ is wrong with you?" She screamed, her hair tossed around haphazardly from the fall. "Why did you push me off the bed?"

"I didn't. Ya fell." Raphael turned back over to on his side and pulled the down comforter under his chin, his eyes full of fire and now unable to find the solitude of slumber.

Carrie glared at the back of Raphael's head as she stood up and gathered up the sheet from the floor. She slumped back on the bed, slamming the headboard into the wall and bouncing Raphael a little, and furiously tapped him on the shoulder.

"Fuckin' sleepin'. Don't bother me."

Carrie's gasped, the breath going through her nose like a cartoon dragon blowing fire. "What the fuck is your problem? Why did you push me off the bed?"

Raphael sat up and leaned into Carrie's sleep ridden face. "Why the fuck are _you_ havin' sex dreams about my brother?"

All at once, Carrie's dream flooded back to her, and the look of shock was more than enough to make Raphael even more upset.

"What are ya doin'? Fuckin' him behind my back or somethin'?"

Carrie couldn't react at first, the feel of Leonardo's lips still burning on hers, the guilt of going for more weighed heavily on her heart. She stared Raphael down, knowing he could see there was something she wasn't telling him. Before he could open his mouth again, Carrie made tears well up in her eyes and was soon balling on his shoulder.

"I've just been so worried about him, Raph!" Her lie was only half wrong, but hoped it was enough to throw Raphael off track. "He hasn't been himself lately. I don't think he's even ate anything in days!"

Raphael squinted his eyes, his mouth curling into a confused sneer. "Ya gotta be kiddin' me." He pushed Carrie back, his fingers squeezing into her upper arms. "Since when did ya care so much? Ya haven't talk to him in days!"

Carrie sniffed, quickly thinking of more to say. "I checked on him. Today, while you were watching the game. He's not well."

Raphael arched a brow and frowned. "What are ya tryin' to cover up?"

"Can I not be a concerned friend?" Carrie screamed, turning up the drama a notch by shoving herself away from Raphael's hands and sitting on the side of the bed, her arms wrapped around her bare chest as the forced tears continued to fall.

"I just want you guys to make peace with each other. He needs you, Raph. But you're just too selfish to care about anyone else but yourself!"

Raphael was hit hard by her last few words, and tossed his angry feelings aside as he took Carrie back into his arms.

"Alright, alright, calm down. Quit yer blubberin'!" His kissed her head, then stroked at her untamed hair. "I'll go talk ta him, okay? I'll fix everythin'."

"Thank you." Carrie hugged Raphael tightly, blowing out a silent sigh of relief as she wiped her tears away. "You don't know how much it will mean to him. To me."

"Yeah, whatever." Raphael grumbled, letting out another yawn. "Can it wait a while though? I didn't sleep enough last night. I'm fuckin' dead.

Carrie shrugged, once again faking her response by pouting. "I guess it can wait." She pushed Raphael down and laid next to him, resting her head on his chest. She swept her fingers across his plates, careful to avoid the massive scar that she had sown herself months ago. Raphael stirred under her touches and rolled over on his side to face her. Carrie smiled, finding herself lost again in his gaze and the enchanting smile that made her melt away.

"Yer so beautiful," He whispered, brushing a lock of hair out of her face. " And ya got such a big heart. How'd I get so lucky?"

Carrie almost found herself in tears again, not by Raphael's words, but by the guilt that burned deep in her stomach. She caressed Raphael's face and stared into his, wanting to confess everything that she had done, but held back out of the fear of his temper. Instead she kissed him softly and smiled.

"I love you."

Raphael froze, his mouth gapping but nothing coming out. "Uh, yeah. Me too."

Carrie giggled lightly and smiled again. "I _love_ you, Raph."

"Uh, yeah. I said, 'me too'. Geesh."

The smile vanished and the tears reappeared. "Why won't you say it, Raph? I want to hear you say it."

Raphael sighed as Carrie escaped his arms and sat up. "Why do you havta hear it? What's the big deal? Can't ya tell I do?"

Carrie said nothing, just lost herself in the dark cherry doors of her closet. She absentmindedly climbed off the bed and put on the pile of clothes that were laying on the floor. Raphael then sat up, watching as Carrie pulled up her grey yoga pants and shoved her arms through the holes in her grey hoodie, noting that Carrie growled loudly in annoyance when the zipper stuck twice before it went up all the way.

"What now?" Raphael climbed out from his side of the bed and began to put on his padding, hopping across the floor to stop Carrie from walking out of the room. "Where are ya goin'?"

Carrie blew a puff of air at her bangs and crossed her arms. "For a walk. Get out of my way."

"I can't believe yer gettin' pissed over this!" Raphael tied his bandanna on. " Yer makin' a big deal outta nothin'!"

"Nothing? _Nothing!_" Carrie screamed from behind her clenched teeth. "No, I think I have every right to make a big deal out of this, Raph! I have done everything for you! I've opened myself up to you. I've-I've been trying so hard to make you happy! I've even let you sleep with me again! And you're telling me that asking for this little thing from you is _nothing_?"

"Carrie, I didn't mean that! I just-," Raphael was cut short Carrie shoved her palm at him, the hurt in her face enough to make him back down.

"I'm just so _sick_ of putting my heart out to someone who won't give anything back!" Carrie screamed into her fists, the tears no longer faked. "I thought I was right about you. I _wanted _to be right about you! Everything just felt so..._real_."

"This _is_ real, Carrie." Raphael cautiously touched her shoulder. "Ya know I care about ya. Why are ya sayin' all this bullshit?"

"Then _tell_ me, Raphael!" Carrie shoved his hand away as she cried out. "Say it!"

"I- I-," Raphael saw the longing in Carrie's eyes, his arms aching to hold her, but the words just couldn't form on his tongue, and he lowered his sad brown eyes to the floor. "I...can't"

"Of course you can't." Carrie snapped, then pushed by Raphael and out the bedroom door. She got to the edge of the staircase before he stopped her once again.

"Ain't ya gonna let me explain _why_?"

Carrie shook her head and narrowed her watery eyes. "Forget it. I don't give a shit about it anymore. And I want you out of my house."

As Carrie turned for the steps, Raphael spoke, a hint of desperation in his voice. "What?"

"When I get back from my walk, you better out of my house. I'm not very fond of freeloaders."

Carrie pounded down the stairs and out the back door, her tears along with the burn of the sun on the snow blinding her sight, but it didn't matter. Carrie knew where she was going, and she also knew that Leonardo would be there waiting for her.


	17. Chapter Seventeen: Temptation

_After torturing all of you for two months, I'm happy to say this story is now complete! Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed, and even to the ones that bugged me about finishing it! A special thanks to my great friend FairDrea for helping me get over my rough spots and giving me the kick in the butt I needed to get this story done. Hope you all enjoy!_

* * *

Chapter Seventeen: Temptation 

_This is wrong._ _I must be out of my mind. No. I _am _out of my mind. I'm insane. I shouldn't be out here._

Carrie pulled her frozen fingers down into the depths of the sleeves of her hoodie, then used the folded ends to wipe the remaining tears from her face. Her body shook from the cold wind, and she wished she had grabbed a thicker coat on her way out, but decided against going back, citing to herself that she was too far from the house now. Of course the thought of running into Raphael after all the horrible things she had said to him was what was really keeping her from going back, and Carrie instead dealt with the blistering winds, hugging closer to the thick pine truck in front of her. A snap of a fallen branch caused her to jump, and Carrie turned to find her faithful dogs inching closer to where she stood.

"No!" Carrie said in a loud whisper. "Go back to the house! I told you to stay!"

Atreyu immediately sulked, his head lowering behind his shoulder blades while his tail curled up between his legs. But Artex wasn't so easily spooked, and took another inch of space closer to her owner.

"I said no, dammit!" Carrie picked up a rock and threw it, hoping it would land next to her headstrong canine to deter her from moving again. The rock instead struck Artex just behind her left shoulder, and Carrie almost burst into tears again as the dog yelped and fell back on her hind legs.

"Oh god, Artex honey! I'm so sorry!" Carrie went to comfort the dog, but found Artex was no longer in the mood to seek her owner's company. The dog growled as Carrie reached out, sliding backwards in the snow before turning completely around and leading her brother away. She tired to call the dogs back, but her apology was lost in the blustery wind. Carrie felt her tears return, which paved the way for her legs to give out, and she slowly sank down to the frozen ground, allowing the surrounding void of loneliness to swallow her whole.

As Carrie cried into her icy hands, her scarred subconscious began to toy with her. The wind suddenly screamed with the voice of her father, berating and belittling her, filling Carrie's mind with years of mental abuse that damaged her already frail teenage mind. With a change of direction, the wind was now Mark: full of lies, empty on promises, and feeding on her soul like a ravenous wolf feasting on a carcass. The two men in her life that had really mattered had taken everything that Carrie considered beautiful and turned it all into worthless decay that she knew she could never have again. She was damaged on the inside, and her failure at trying to love again only made the cracks in her heart deeper.

Carrie bent her head into her lap, her hands going over her ears to block out the vile screams in the wind, and the more she thought about the taste of Leonardo's lips on hers, the cracked pieces of her broken heart fell to the snow covered ground below her.

"They were right," Carrie sobbed as her fingers entwined in her hair. "I _am_ worthless. I've messed up everything in my life like I always have. No wonder Daddy hates me. No wonder Mark cheated on me. I'm not good enough for anyone. I'm not good enough-,"

"Do you really believe all of that?"

Carrie gasped as she jerked her head up, her red eyes and tear-stained face greeting a very serious and stern faced Leonardo. His stance above her was powerful, straight backed, making the blowing wind defenseless against him. In his left hand was one of his katana, glowing brightly in the light of the rising sun, and Carrie could see his fingers flex around the handle. She then could see his brood shoulders and chest heaving, like he was trying to regain his breath. It was only after she watched him wipe away the beads of sweat from his forehead that she realized that he had been doing his ninja exercises. In that moment Carrie forgot everything, acknowledged the thought on how sexy she found him in his post exercise state, and then winced on how sick she really was.

Leonardo continued to stare at her, and Carrie couldn't remember what he had asked, so she said the first thing that came to her mind.

"I didn't tell him."

His strong poise disappeared as Leonardo cocked an eye ridge and tried to fight that grin that wanted to come out and humor Carrie's shaky voice.

"I... didn't ask you that. I asked you if you believed everything you just said about yourself."

Before Carrie could respond again, Leonardo sank down to one knee, the sword quickly vanishing into its sheath, and his hand reached out to touch Carrie's flushed cheek. Carrie turned away, her sad eyes dropping to the snow, knowing the look of hurt that would be on Leonardo's face. She wanted to feel his touch, she wanted his comfort, but Carrie knew it wasn't innocent between them anymore. Their friendship was permanently tarnished and it took everything that Carrie had to not get up and run away.

Her frozen fingers picked at the seam of her lounge pants and she sucked in a staggered deep breath, hoping that she was somehow giving Leonardo a signal to leave her alone, but when Carrie felt the overwhelming warmth of his fingers bringing her chin around to look at him, she knew that her subtle hints were done in vain.

"You're not worthless, Carrie," Leonardo wiped gently at her cheeks, then tamed the loose strands of her blonde hair before grasping both of her hands into his. " You are a beautiful woman with a strong creative mind and a huge heart. You are one of the most compassionate and caring people I've ever met-,"

"Leo, please," Carrie could feel her heart swelling, choking the breath out of her as tears welled up and poured out of her eyes.

"Do you think we would even be alive if it wasn't for you?" Leonardo went on. "You put your fears aside and helped us. You . . . put your life on the line for us." He then dropped his head and closed his eyes, letting the flow of his thoughts pass through his mouth. "You just don't know how grateful my family is . . . how grateful _I_ am. Someone who could do everything that you have done is far beyond worthless, Carrie."

As Leonardo opened his eyes, a few tears soaked in his mask, but he made no effort to stop them. He locked into Carrie's gaze and couldn't help the sudden uneasiness at the stunned look in her grey eyes.

"Why-why would you say something like that?" Carrie inhaled sharply, the cold air stabbing at her lungs.

"I just wanted to tell you how I felt," Leonardo admitted, his face expressionless under the flow of his tears. "Do I need a reason behind it?"

Carrie gasped quietly, not caring that it made Leonardo slightly wince. She then suddenly thought of Raphael, of how she had just only an hour ago tried once again to get him to confess his love for her, but he refused to do so. He had a reason, a reason why he couldn't do it, a reason that Carrie didn't want to hear. To her it was nothing more than an excuse, a way for Raphael to get out the way of her overactive emotions. But she had no reason to feel the way she did. It was pure, raw, something that only came around once in a lifetime.

And the more Carrie thought it, the more sickened she felt. She had been deceived, humiliated, and taken advantage of, and her rising anger became more apparent to Leonardo when he felt her fists tighten under his hands.

"Carrie?"

She took in a deep breath, her tears instantly drying up, and Carrie finally felt a smile break through her foggy thoughts as she watched Leonardo's overly concerned expression grow.

"Thank you." Carrie's voice cracked slightly when she spoke, but she quickly covered it up by pulling her hands free from Leonardo's grasp and wrapping her arms around his neck. Leonardo automatically froze, not sure what to do or what had just taken place behind Carrie's tormented eyes, but eventually gave into the embrace and held Carrie tightly.

"What happened yesterday, I have to apologize for that-," Leonardo began, only to have Carrie pull back and shake her head.

" No. Please don't."

"No, I have to." Leonardo held Carrie back by her upper arms. " It was wrong of me to take advantage of you like that. I had dreams- I didn't sleep well last night."

"None of us did," Carrie said, remembering how much Raphael had tossed around in her bed, even though it had been her guilty conscience that had kept her up. "But you can't take all the blame for it. I- well, I didn't make the situation any better."

Leonardo had more to say. He had been thinking about his words throughout the night. But just sitting there, with only a mere inch separating the two of them, all Leonardo could do was gaze at Carrie's torn hair and the flush of pink against the pale skin of her face, the confusion that burned in her eyes, and linger on the feeling of her breath softly hitting his face. He envisioned laying her down, the snow and wind instantly turning to warmth. They kissed again, deeper than before, the need stronger this time, and he heard Carrie whisper into his ear that she would succumb to his desires, that she wanted him to make love to her.

As the vision played on in Leonardo's head, Carrie began to change. Her hair was black, neatly trimmed at the shoulders. Her body became leaner, taller. Her grey eyes turned to green. And no matter how hard Leonardo tried to hang onto Carrie's voice, which, too, changed. It was now Karai who clung to him, whispering how much she needed him, how much she loved him.

Forgetting Carrie was still there, Leonardo jumped to his feet and moved away from the tree, his fingertips pushing against his closed eyes. Silently, he threatened his own subconscious mind that he would rip his own eyes from his head if the vision didn't stop. His heaving breaths of frustration accelerated as he remembered the numerous nights he spent with Karai, only to have them quickly replaced by more cursed memories of his lover's betrayal. Releasing his fingers, Leonardo again gazed at Carrie, hoping that his imagination would recapture the intimate fantasy he was playing out, but found Karai had made yet another permanent stain on his psyche.

Frustrated and harbored down with a growing angered annoyance, Leonardo let out an almost inaudible growl and whipped around to leave.

"I...I think I should go."

"Leo. Wait." Carrie climbed slowly to her feet, her limbs stiff from sitting on the frozen ground. She reached out for Leonardo's left arm and successfully wrapped her fingers around his wrist. "Where are you going?"

Leonardo replied with a cold, sideways glance over his shoulder, delivering a sting that was worse than the blowing wind. "To finish training. It's cold. You should go back inside."

Carrie quickly withdrew her hand, the bones popping as her fingers folded against the rapid pounding in her chest. The harshness of his tone snapped at her already frail emotions, but it couldn't stop the overwhelming desire to follow Leonardo deeper into the forest.

Within a few feet, Carrie again seized Leonardo, by the elbow this time, and forced him to stop, ignoring the aggravated sigh that he let out.

"Would it be all right if I joined you?" she asked, pulling her hair away from her face.

Leonardo narrowed his brow, still not wanting to face Carrie. "I don't think that would be a good-"

"Please, Leo?" Carrie smiled and playfully tugged on him. "We haven't done it in so long! I miss it! And besides, I distinctly remember you threatening to return the ass kicking I gave you last time."

And as if the growing sunlight vanquished his dark visions, Leonardo felt a laugh burst from his mouth. The clouds lifted from his eyes and Carrie was once again by his side.

"And I distinctly remember _letting _you kick my ass." He joked, knocking into her with the elbow Carrie continued to grasp as they walked on.

"_Let_ me? Oh, I don't think so!" Carrie shook her index finger in the air. "I caught you off guard and _you_ know it!"

"I only let my guard down to make you feel better. Your swordplay stinks. You need more practice."

And as Carrie's mouth dropped opened in disgust, Leonardo slid out of her clutches and took off through the brush, his laughter echoing along the pine canopy above. Carrie chased after him, still trying to hold onto her smile as more thoughts spin around in her head. She knew she needed time away from Raphael, time to think more clearly about their relationship without the distraction of sex. With Leonardo, it was only a matter of setting aside the uneasiness and, for a short time, forgetting what had occurred the day before, even if his emotions had suddenly pulled a 360-degree turn only a minute ago. Deciding Leonardo was the lesser of the two evils, and that their friendship was strong enough to overcome the tension, Carrie let the smile come back and she picked up her pace.

Upon reaching the clearing, the same one she had found the turtles in on that life-changing night, Carrie lurched over, hands on her knees, and tried to slowly regain her breath. The cold air stung deeper into her lungs, and she silently cursed Leonardo for making her run.

"Out of shape, are we?"

Carrie jerked up and looked around, not knowing where the source of Leonardo's voice was. She peered deeper into the mess of branches and tree trunks, her eyes catching everything that blew around in the wind.

"You can't find me, can you?" Leonardo mocked, his laughter softer, but still having enough volume to make it echo. "You really are out of practice."

"How is _this_ part of your practice?" Carrie growled back, her frustrations growing as the wind blew Leonardo's laughter around her head.

"One of the basics of _ninjitsu_," his voice whispered this time, making Carrie fell as if he was everywhere at once. She took a step backwards, then spun around as a branch snapped only a few feet behind her. Carrie inhaled, blocking out the pain in her lungs, and held her breath. She moved only her eyes around, leaving her body to jump at every little sound as she moved backward toward the center of the clearing. The fear of not knowing what to expect was spreading rapidly through her. Carrie clasped her hands to her chest to repress the shaking, but couldn't help the trembles in her stomach and legs.

Taking another step back, Carrie felt a slight pressure against her spine. She froze in place, her breath still stuck in her esophagus, and slowly turned her head to look over her shoulder.

"Be aware of your surroundings." Leonardo smiled, almost savoring the fact he caught Carrie off guard, and he careful nudged the tip of his sword deeper into her back. "Thought we went over this already."

"Yeah, well, it takes me a few times before things sink into my brain." Carrie mocked as she inhaled through her nose and allowed her body to relax as the blade dropped.

"Is that supposed to be a blonde joke or something?"

Carrie wrinkled her nose and sneered as Leonardo pulled the other sword from its sheath and threw it high into the air, catching it carefully by the blade upon its return and shoving the handle into Carrie's face. His teasing smile grew a little bigger, as did the taunting gleam in his brown eyes, and he further annoyed Carrie by pulling the sword back as she reached for it.

"After all those nice things you said about me..." Carrie pretended to pout, amused by Leonardo's childish antics.

"What?" he asked sheepishly. " Raph is the only one who can make sarcastic cracks at you?"

Carrie sighed heavily and yanked the blade away from the turtle, only to have her wrist give out. The sword clattered to the ground, the sound reverberating around the wall of trees.

"Holy crap! Did those things get heavier or something?" Carrie bent down and retrieved the sword, this time holding the handle with both hands but still feeling her knees buckle under the weight of the metal. Leonardo arched his brow as he watched Carrie strained to stand back up, then grabbed her upper arms and pulled her to her feet.

"Okay, maybe we should start out with something a little easier." He took the sword back, replacing it into the sheath on his back as he walked to the edge of the clearing. A few seconds later he returns to Carrie with two long pieces of wood that had been carved to resemble his katana.

"This is better. Much better." Carrie ran her palm up the side of the false blade, its texture smooth and flawless. "What were these called again? _Bokken_?"

Leonardo flipped the sword around in his hand, getting used to the almost feather-like weight. "_That,_ you remember?"

"Like I said, it takes a few times for things to sink in." Carrie gasped the bottom of the sword in her right hand and pointed the blade toward Leonardo. "These I remember because you told me I wasn't strong enough for a _real_ sword."

Leonardo started to let out a fake laugh, but yelped instead as the point of the wooden sword jabbed him in the side. Carrie pulled back, the smile on her face cracking under the weight of the laughter wanting to escape.

"Hey, now. That wasn't very nice." Leonardo rubbed at the ache next to the rim of his shell, his top lip curling up into a grin.

"Of course it wasn't!" Carrie cackled, shifted her feet around to the left side and again jabbed Leonardo. "Come on, tough guy! Let's rumble!"

The blue masked turtle wanted to retaliate, but was instead lost in laughter, recalling how Carrie had said the same thing the first time he had ever allowed her to practice with him.

"You're not taking this very seriously," Leonardo cleared his throat and got a better grip on his sword. He watched Carrie shuffled back and forth, whipping the sword around in the air. The motion was enough to distracted Leonardo, and Carrie once again caught him off guard with another poke in his side.

"What's wrong, Leo?" Carrie beamed liked an angel with a broken halo. "Lost your fighting spirit already?"

Leonardo pushed his lips together, his eyes narrowed in disapproval, his sword pointed to the ground near his right leg. Carrie couldn't help but giggle. It was "_The Look_," as Raphael had called it, _the one that you get when you know you've pushed Leonardo's buttons a little too much_. Carrie lowered her sword, her eyes moving down with it, and choked back her laughter.

"I'm sorry. You're right. I'm not taking this seriously. I just-just wanted to have a little fun, forget about things, you know?"

When Carrie rose her head, she was all alone again. Her first thought was to cuss and scream at Leonardo for playing with her, but she instead quieted her mind and focused. The wind made it near impossible for Carrie to hear anything, its gusts seeming to speed up the more she concentrated. So she instead listened to her gut feeling, her intuition, and it was a spilt second later that Carrie whipped around and stopped Leonardo's rushing attack from behind.

"Impressive."

Carrie winked, then pulled back. "I try."

And with that, their mock fight kicked into high gear, the winding grabbing the sound of the clashing wooden swords and swirling it around the clearing. With only a few grunts here and there, neither one of them spoke much, Leonardo only pausing long enough to point out a wrong stance or foot position.

He was very proud of Carrie. She had taken his training, if that _is _what it really was, and put herself completely into it. Though she was a far cry from matching his skills, Leonardo could see the determination in her gray eyes. Carrie wanted to be good. He could _feel_ it every time the wooden blade collided with his. Leonardo let his thoughts wonder, trying to remember where else he had seen that want, that _need_ to be the best. Right away he thought of Raphael. Like him, Raphael was persistent in his ninja training, even if his persistence leaned more toward the need of kicking ass and taking names. But Carrie wasn't close to sharing the anger Raphael had. End of similarities.

Going back to Carrie and stopping her before she hit him in the back, Leonardo set his eyes into hers and studied even deeper. So deep that he felt like his mind had separated from his body and had taken flight across time and space. Squinting his eyes from the light that broke through the pine limbs, he could sense things were changing around him. The trees morphed into thick, brick walls. The sun became the moon, complete with a foreboding mist. The chorus of chirping birds turned into a more familiar symphony of police sirens and honking horns from irate city drivers.

_Another clash of swords. A scrap of metal. He watched as his hands shook, the vibration running down deep inside his wrists. Leonardo looked up. Karai smiled back._

You are not concentrating, Leonardo. What distracts you?

_The swords cross again, high over their heads. Leonardo loses himself in her piercing green eyes. _Nothing.

_Karai's lips curl into a vicious smile. _You do not lie very well. Tell me, Leonardo. Am I the one who distracts you?

_Leonardo frowns at the sensations stirring deep inside of him and pulls his sword back. He steps back as Karai moves forward, their bodies perfectly synchronized. She slashes at him with her blade. Leonardo stumbles over his own feet, missing his chance to block, and Karai's sword rips at his shoulder. He grabs at the scratch, gritting his teeth in anger as the pain burns down his left arm. Karai moves again, and Leonardo knocks her to the ground, grabbing her ankles with his feet. She cries out, the sound of her distressed voice brings a smile to Leonardo's face._

_He stands over her, his sword poised at the top of her breasts, which rise and fall with her short breaths. Karai pushes herself up on her elbows, forcing the tip of the sword against her skin. Their eyes lock again, and Karai hears Leonardo quickly suck in a deep breath as she tugs on the knot that holds the sides of her black kimono together. The fabric seems to fall slowly, hugging the form of Karai's well-kept body._

If I am not a distraction to you, Leonardo, let me retrieve my sword so we may continue.

_Her words never made it to Leonardo's ears. All of his focus was on the tight black tank top and matching panties that Karai had reveled. He moved his sword back, only to slap the cold steel against Karai's inner thigh. She didn't flinch nor cry out again, only coaxed Leonardo on with her eyes. _

I think you _meant_ to be a distraction, Karai_. Leonardo barely recognizes his own voice. It was deep, laced with desire. Karai licked her top lip slowly, closing her eyes and leaning her head back as the blade traveled up the inside of her leg and over her navel. Leonardo pulled the sword back and knelt down over his prey._

"Uh, Leo, could you let me up now?" Carrie pleaded, wishing she hadn't lost her grip on her sword when Leonardo had tripped her. Leonardo was pinning her down to the ground, his body straddling hers. His knees had locked her waist, making it impossible for her to move away.

"Leo, this isn't funny." Carrie called out again, her fingernails digging into the turtle's biceps and trying with everything she had to make him move. "Come on! Please let me up!"

But her words never made it to Leonardo's ears.

_Holding Karai down to the roof, Leonardo leaned over and traced her neckline with his tongue. She began to protest, a wicked smile on her face and a devilish giggle in her voice. Leonardo seized her tiny wrists, forcing her arms above her head, which pushed her breasts further against his chest plates. Karai pulled a hand free and grabbed Leonardo's mask, jerking his mouth to hers before tearing the entire thing from his face. After sharing a deep kiss, Leonardo allowed Karai to have to other hand back, then buried his face in her neck, his lips working down to the top of the tank top while his hands squeezed her breasts and pulled at the fabric surrounding them. Karai wrapped her arms around his neck and pushed his face against her hot skin, whispering in Japanese the most obscene things Leonardo had ever heard. His erection throbbed inside his shell, begging to be released, and the need to free Karai of her form-fitting underwear was making him literally go insane. In one swift move, he pulled the tanto blade out of Karai's boot and held it between their faces. Karai, who was caught by surprise by the act, purred deep in her throat and watched in anticipation as Leonardo slid the blade under her shirt. The blade cut effortlessly and the material fell back, barely clinging to Karai's erect nipples. Leonardo ran the blade down her stomach, his breath staggering as he grabbed her underwear. Slowly he began to move the blade back and forth down the middle of the fabric, his eyes never moving away from hers._

Carrie couldn't believe what was happening. It was only minutes ago that she was in the middle of mock sword fight with Leonardo, both of them laughing and goofing around like so many times before. She never noticed the change in Leonardo's eyes, the cloud of anger that suddenly came over him. She thought he was in deep concentration. She thought that Leonardo was only playing around when he grabbed her ankles and put her down to the ground. Carrie had been ready to receive another lecture about letting her guard down, but was instead scared out of her mind when Leonardo drew his _real_ katana from its sheath and ran the tip of it up her body, stopping a mere inch at her throat.

She had giggled nervously, called uncle, and held her hand out so that Leonardo could help her up. He sat down on top of her, whispered things to her in some language she couldn't understand, and began to place light kisses on her neck. She felt like giving in, his touches overwhelming her, but Carrie knew it was wrong. She fought against it, her voice calm and persistent. He had then grabbed her wrists and held them tightly over her head, and Carrie's protests grew in volume. He kissed her again, on the mouth this time, and Carrie melted into it, her body shaking in pleasure.

Carrie had dreamed about this moment. She had dreamed that her kindhearted and quiet friend Leonardo had come to her bedroom and taken her, forcing her into complete submission. He had said and done things to her that would make even Raphael wince and turn away. Carrie closed her eyes and thought of those things as Leonardo's kisses ran down her neck, his hands working on her breasts through the thick material of her sweatshirt. Her quick gasps for air turned into high-pitched cries, her body responding to its natural urges to push and grind against the turtle on top of her. And just when Carrie thought she was going to orgasm and feel her liquids soak through her track pants, Leonardo pulled back, suddenly holding a small but very sharp knife in his hand.

That's when Carrie finally saw the fire burning in his brown eyes, the deep hatred that had been dwelling there for years, and the knife was poised right over her windpipe.

"I'm not allowing you to haunt me anymore," Leonardo said with a growl to his voice. " I'm tired of you controlling every aspect of my life. I'm through thinking about you, dreaming about you. You ruined my life, but not anymore."

Carrie's eyes grew wide as the knife lifted high above Leonardo's head, its blade catching the morning sun.

"It's all over, Karai."

Carrie heard a scream echoing in her ears, only realizing that it was coming from her mouth as the blade came down. With her body acting faster than her brain could think, Carrie shifted her weight, balled her fist up, and slammed it into Leonardo's face. The knife plunged into the ground, taking some of Carrie's hair with it, and the turtle tittered over to the cold ground. Carrie jumped to her feet, tears coming down like a waterfall. She held her hand to her chest, her knuckles on fire and very limp.

Leonardo was on his knees a moment later, his hand rubbing at the sudden and very painful swelling that was erupting at the corner of his mouth. He blinked a few times, the memories of the past vanishing as quickly as they had appeared, and he spun around to Carrie.

"What was that for?" he asked, his voice normal again, trembling slightly in shock.

Carrie sobbed harder and couldn't stop herself from screaming as she spoke. "You _sick fuck_! You tried to fucking _kill me_!"

"What?" Leonardo asked quietly, watching the look of fear on Carrie's tear-stained face. "What are you-you talking about? I didn't-,"

"Stay away from me!" Carrie shrieked as Leonardo stood up and reached for her.

"Carrie, please just calm-,"

"Fuck you!" Carrie screamed again, pulling her injured hand closer to her chest. "Just stay the _fuck_ away from me!"

Leonardo watched as Carrie turned around and fled into the woods, her cries disappearing

as the wind ripped through the clearing. The pain in his face tingled again, and as he rubbed at his swollen cheek, Leonardo spotted the black handle of his _tanto, _the one Splinter had given him as a gift. He bent down to pull the blade from the earth, wondering how it ended up there while untangling the lock of Carrie's blonde hair. Deciding that it probably slipped out from his belt, Leonardo jumped to his feet and followed Carrie's fading footsteps.


	18. Chapter Eighteen: Deception

Chapter Eighteen: Deception

"Damn stupid _piece of shit bike_!" Raphael spit out in a vicious growl, slamming his fist into the thin aluminum frame of the Shell Cycle. He stepped back to sneer at the growing collection of dents he had added within the past half hour, then threw his leg over the seat. He disconnected the cable attached to the throttle, then hopped off on the other side, sliding down to his knees to dive into the bike's engine.

"Damn thing, had it for nearly ten years," Raphael grumbled to himself, but hoped the bike could understand him. "And now ya decide ta be a little pain in the ass and _not fuckin work!_"

This time it was the wrench in Raphael's hand that struck the bike. The ringing of the metal-on-metal bounced around the hollow barn, lingering for a few minutes before it faded. A sigh escaped Raphael and he leaned his arm across the leather seat, his head following after. He knew it wasn't the bike's fault his life had gone to hell, and punching the crap out of the newly rebuilt side panel wasn't helping anything. He was still hurt, still angry, and his brain was racing with a million different reasons why Carrie had suddenly turned on him and booted him from her home. He thought he finally had her, that she was finally comfortable with him, and Raphael was beginning to finally build up the courage to tell Carrie how he really felt. He wasn't good at expressing himself emotionally in the first place, but with Carrie, he had wanted to share it. He had the _need_ to tell her everything that was going on in his mind. But as Raphael lifted his eyes up and looked around the empty barn, he knew that chance had passed him by.

Letting out another deep breath, Raphael went back to work on the bike's engine, hoping that he could submerge himself really far into his tinkering so he wouldn't have to think about anything else. After a few twists of the wrench, he began to whistle. It was tune that Michelangelo had often played; an annoying pop hit that was so catchy, it hard to really hate. His brother had every one of them singing it, even Splinter, until their father eventually told Michelangelo to get rid of the CD. Chuckling to himself at the memory, he suddenly found himself singing the words out loud. As much as Raphael detested it, he kept on, laughing at himself for how dumb he sounded, and he made a quick reminder to himself to kick his younger brother's rear end again when they were reunited.

Ready to reattached the throttle cable, Raphael slowly stood, his knees stiff from kneeling on the cold floor. He cursed under his breath, then pulled the cable around, leaning closer to the handle to make sure the attachment was correct. Just as he tightened the screw, the barn doors slammed open, sending Raphael back down to his aching knees. He cursed again, adding a little grumble for affect, and was ready to stand and yell at Leonardo for scaring the hell out of him.

Only it wasn't Leonardo that had come through the doors.

Raphael watched from behind the seat of the bike as Carrie staggered in, the wind picking up speed and blowing in a gust of snow as she shoved the doors closed with her back. She stood against the doors for a few minutes, her head leaned back and her eyes turned toward the sky. Her gasps for air were loud, almost deafening in the hollow barn. Raphael studied her appearance, taking in her wild locks of hair and the red streaks that burned brightly on her face. She had been crying, and Raphael couldn't help but smile wickedly. He was glad she was unhappy; it shadowed his own pain. Now instead of wanting to tell her his feelings, he wanted to rub things into her face, bring her down even more so he wouldn't have to feel upset anymore.

Carrie took a step forward, then another, then suddenly fell down to her knees. Her head lunged forward, almost smacking against the barn floor, and she let out a loud and long cry of agony. Raphael narrowed his eyes at her, disgusted by her dramatic actions, something that he was growing tired of seeing her do. He envisioned himself walking up to her, grabbing her hair to jerk her head back up, and slapping her in the face. The more he thought about it, the more his blood boiled, but then he saw something that changed the spiteful thoughts in his mind.

Carrie sat back up, the tears running faster than had when she walked in, and she held up her right hand. Raphael leaned a little over the bike's seat, curious as to why Carrie was staring and sobbing at her hand, which looked limp as she held it in her left hand. He could see her knuckles were a little swollen, and turning a such a deep purple they were almost black. He pulled back, leaning against the barn wall for support, and pondered on what Carrie had done on her walk. Raphael let out a small snort as he thought about how bad her temper was, and if would have been him, he would have punched anything just to feel better. A tree would have been enough to cause the swelling in Carrie's knuckles, but it still left Raphael to wonder why she looked like a deer running from a pack of wolves.

But that thought was also pushed aside as the sound of her sobs hit his ears, and Raphael couldn't help from wanting to pull her into his arms and hold her tightly. He would caress her wind-torn hair, kiss her hot forehead, and tell her everything was alright. This thought made Raphael smile; their fight becoming a faded memory. After settling on dashing to her side, Raphael stood up, grimaced through the stiffness in his knees and began to walk around the bike when he heard a voice outside that was soon followed by the barking of Carrie's German Shepherds.

"Carrie? _Carrie_! Where are you?"

Raphael ducked back down as Carrie whipped her head around and staggered to her feet. Her eyes were wider this time, the fear very prominent in her face. Raphael could see the panic in her movements as she looked around for a place to hide herself, finally settling on the hay loft above. She had reached the fourth rung from the bottom on the ladder when the barn doors once again blew open and Leonardo stepped in, gasping for air as Carrie had done. Raphael ducked down farther into a even more uncomfortable crouch, and decided to wait and see what was going on before announcing his presence.

"Carrie, please! Stop running from me and tell me what's going on!" Leonardo cried out in exasperation as he walked to the bottom of the ladder.

"Get away from me!" Carrie screamed, kicking at Leonardo with her left foot while trying to climb up with one hand. "You're a psycho! Get the fuck away from me!"

"I wish you would tell me why you keep saying that!" Leonardo managed to grab onto Carrie's foot, but only aided her escape by giving her leverage to go farther up. Raphael then noticed the swelling on the left side of Leonardo's face, and it didn't take him long to connect it to Carrie's knuckles. His curiosity was turning back into a fiery wrath as he continued to listen.

"I can't believe you!" Carrie cried out from behind her tears. "After what you did to me, how can you have the nerve to pretend that it didn't happen! _You almost fucking killed me, Leo_!"

Raphael watched Leonardo's face twist into confusion, knowing that it nearly resembled his own.

"What! I never...what would give you that idea?" Leonardo rubbed at the ache in his jaw. "It was just friendly combat!"

"Friendly combat? _Friendly combat_!" Carrie made it to the top of the hay loft and sat cross-legged overlooking Leonardo. "I'd hate to see what you do to your enemies!"

Leonardo threw his hands into the air as if he was giving up. "I don't understand this. I don't understand _you_ sometimes!"

Raphael saw Carrie's mouth drop open, knowing that Leonardo had hit a nerve.

"Don't you _even_ talk about understanding, Leonardo! Understanding is being able to connect with someone, knowing that you can feel safe with them. And after everything that happened yesterday, I thought that we where like that!"

"What happened _yesterday_?" Raphael whispered out loud, wrinkling his nose at the sound of those words.

"Carrie," Leonardo took a rung of the ladder into his hands and looked up, his voice calm as he spoke. "We already talked about that. I know how you feel about Raph and I'm not getting in the way of that."

"Man, what the fuck is goin' on between you two?" Raphael whispered again, even though he had wanted to scream it out instead.

Carrie narrowed her brow at the turtle below her and frowned. "Well, apparently _that_ idea got thrown out the window!"

"What are you talking about?" Leonardo asked, getting more furious with each passing second. "If you would just tell me what I did-,"

"How can you not remember tripping me then pinning me down?" Carrie screamed, her tears reappearing and flowing faster than before. "How could you not remember...kissing me, and-and...and putting your hands all over me?"

"What?" Leonardo gasped.

"_What_?" Raphael growled.

"Carrie," Leonardo tried to swallow the lump in his throat. "Please don't joke with me like that. It's not funny."

"I'm _fucking serious_!" Carrie burst out. "I tried to get you away from me! I didn't want it...didn't want it to be that way." She felt her fingers go numb from the cold and she wrapped her one good hand around her chest. "But-,"

"But what?" Leonardo asked.

Carrie sighed and pushed back her tears for the moment. "I have to confess, Leo. After we kissed yesterday, I couldn't stop thinking about it. It was just...so...incredible! I had a dream about you too."

Leonardo lowered his eyes. "I had one about you."

Carrie didn't seemed so surprised. "But I let it slip in front of Raph."

"What?" Leonardo panicked.

"It's not like I told him everything!" Carrie defended herself. "I guess while I was dreaming I said your name because when I woke up, Raph was practically accusing me of sleeping with you."

"But we never did."

"Tell that to my dream." Carrie said with a small, tired laugh. "And I was feeling so guilty about the whole thing that I yelled back at him. I-I told him to leave, Leo."

From where he stood, Leonardo could clearly see the hurt in Carrie's face. "You made him _leave_? Where is he?"

"Right here you backstabbin' fuck.," Raphael said through his teeth, his hand poised on the handle of his sai.

Carrie felt her tears coming back and her shoulders shuttered from the sobs. "I don't know. It was just that...Raphael could never tell me that he loved me, and I was starting to believe he didn't. But you, Leo, you told me how you felt, and I can't lie and say it didn't affect me."

"But I thought you loved him, Carrie." Leonardo sighed, feeling suddenly overwhelmed by everything. "It shouldn't have mattered what I said."

"Well, it did, Leo. It really did." Carrie replied, losing her breath. " When you were on top of me, I-I wanted you to..to..."

"Carrie, no," Leonardo sighed and shook his head.

Carrie sucked in some air and let more tears free. "I know it was wrong, but I couldn't help it! I was so..._angry_ at myself. I just wanted to feel better. I wanted _you_ to make me feel-"

Leonardo stepped back from the ladder, tears also visible in his eyes. " Stop Carrie! Just stop!"

"No, Leo!" Carrie spit at him in frustration. "And you know damn well you wanted it too! _You_ were the one who put me on the ground and tried to take advantage of me!"

"No!" Leonardo yelled back. "I would _never_ do that to you and I would _never_ do that to Raphael!"

"Then when I was almost at your mercy, you-you _attacked_ me!" Carrie screamed into her palms. "You almost killed me! You almost _killed me_!"

Raphael could feel water well up in his eyes too, but they were more from rage than sadness, and his hand gripped tighter on his sai.

"Think it's time ta put an end ta this fuckin' soap opera."

Leonardo turned his back to Carrie, folding over at the waist as nausea hit his stomach.

"I wouldn't...I could never..." he crumbled to his knees, catching his wet face in his palms. He couldn't remember the last time he had cried so hard. His honor and what little pride he had left began to fall away from him, making him feel like he was slowly fading into nothing. As hard as Leonardo tried, he could find no memory of what Carrie had told him, and believing that was what he had actually done was killing him the most.

"Leo," Carrie suddenly muttered, her voice muffled by her sleeves.

He couldn't look at her. He didn't want to raise his head and look into the hate and fear in Carrie's face. He wanted to run so bad, his legs shook in anticipation.

"Leo!" Carrie cried out again. "Leo, get up!"

He moved his hands from his face, placing his palms flat on the barn floor as he sniffled back his tears. It was only after the clouds cleared from his eyes that he saw the pair of two toed green feet standing in front of him. After lifting his head and seeing the fire blazing in Raphael's eyes, Leonardo began to choke on his own air. He forced himself to fall back on his rear and he pushed himself toward the ladder, his shell making a loud crack as it collided with the wood.

"Well, well. Ain't this touchin'," Raphael glared at Leonardo, then shifted his gaze to Carrie, who pulled back away from the edge of the loft to avoid her lover's rage.

"I swear Leo. I can't leave ya alone for nothin', can I?" Raphael spoke calmly, then began to laugh, only his laughter was hollow and void of feeling.

"Raph, I-"

Leonardo lost his words as Raphael slammed down on top of him, holding him against the ladder with his knees, grasping his brother's neck tightly in his hands. Leonardo's arms waved around for a moment before his brain signaled them to grab Raphael's shoulders and push him back.

"Raphael!" he said in a gasp of air. "Wait!"

"_Motherfucker_! How could ya fuckin' do this ta me? _HOW_!"

"Raph! No!" Carrie screamed. Pushing aside all of her fears, Carrie turned and descended the ladder, stumbling to the ground as she jumped over the battling brothers. She wrapped both of her arms around Raphael's chest, taking care not to further injury her hand, and pulled with all her might.

"Raph! Please let go of him!"

In one single sweep, Raphael swung his arm back and knocked Carrie to the ground. He turned toward her, still holding Leonardo down with his knees and one hand.

"You don't say a _fuckin_' thing yet!" Raphael growled as he pointed at Carrie, then turned back to Leonardo. "What the hell is wrong with you, Leo? Huh? You knew how I felt about her and ya go and do this shit behind my back!"

"It's not what you think!" Leonardo pushed out as he removed Raphael's hands from his throat.

"Not what I think? _Not what I think_!" Raphael roared, forcing all his weight onto his brother's chest. "I heard every _fuckin_' thing you two were sayin', Leo! _Everything_! And after we talked about it, ya still had the balls ta go after her!"

"No I didn't!" Tears reappeared as Leonardo spoke, his strength suddenly gone. "I wouldn't do that to you!" His pleas fell on deaf ears.

"And after all that, ya try ta _kill_ her? Did Karai fuck ya up _that _bad, Leo? Did she fuck with yer head _so_ bad that ya had ta rape and kill every other woman ya came across?"

"What?" Carrie said in a whisper upon hearing the familiar name, the rest of Raphael's sentence fading away from the cloud of confusion that hung over her head.

However, hearing that familiar name and the accusations that followed only stirred up the sickness and madness that Leonardo had been holding down for so long. His eyes glazed over in a fury that match his brothers', and just as Raphael had found his way back to Leonardo's windpipe, Leonardo tuck his feet against Raphael's chest and heaved him backward across the barn floor. Knowing that gave him enough to regain his footing, Leonardo stood and held his ground as Raphael turned over to his knees.

"Don't you _ever_ talk about her, Raphael!" he fired back, his voice booming throughout the barn. "You don't know _anything_ about what happened between us! You _don't_ know!"

Raphael's face twisted in disgust, but he kept his mouth closed as tears suddenly appeared on his brother's face.

" Yes I know I was stupid and naive, and maybe... maybe even a little selfish for wanting to be with her, and _yes_, I _know_ it was at the cost of everyone's lives!" At this point, Leonardo turned his back to his brother, not caring if Raphael made an attempt to attack him. "I've been living with that guilt for years, Raph. I think about it every day. I _dwell_ on it. I purposely make myself sick because I was responsible for putting us all in danger."

After he let out a silent sigh, Leonardo turned back, his eyes meeting with Carrie, then with Raphael.

"But sometimes you can't help what the heart wants. I really was in love with her, Raph, as disgusting or unmoral as it may sound. I was so blinded by her that I couldn't see what she was doing. And even after what happened, as I lie in this shame and anger, I'm also heartbroken. Even now, she still has the ability to blind me."

Raphael stood up, subconsciously cracking his knuckles, but remained silent. Carrie took a step forward, but avoided Raphael's eyes as he looked her way.

"You..you said that name to me. You called me.. _Karai_."

Leonardo's eyes grew wide, as did Raphael's, and they gapped in shock at her.

"I did?"

Carrie walked slowly toward Leonardo and took his hands into hers. "I know how it feels to have someone you really cared for betray you. But I still don't understand why you attacked me like you did."

"I-I don't know," Leonardo shook his head. "But you have to believe me, Carrie. I would _never_ do anything to harm you in _any_ way! I care about you too much to hurt you. I'm sorry if I did." he pushed back the new tears and straighten his posture. "I've held onto this for way too long. It's destroyed my judgement, it-I almost..."

Carrie squeezed his hands and smiled. "Don't. It's okay. Please don't linger on it anymore." She then let out a small laugh. "I think maybe I should do the same."

"What do you mean?" Leonardo asked, allowing the water in his eyes to fall.

"All my life I've been holding onto things that have hurt me. Things my father said to me, things that made me feel like I was worthless and had nothing to give to anyone. And everything that Mark did to me, especially the cheating. He made me believe I wasn't good enough for anyone. The publishers that told me no over and over again, which gave me no hope and only added to my low self esteem. All of these things I've been holding onto, things that have been blocking me from the life that I should have."

She looked into Leonardo's eyes and they shared a smile.

"How about we both decide to make a new start? Just toss out all that shit that has been holding us back and live life like it was meant to be lived?"

Leonardo smiled bigger and nodded. " Sounds good. Really good."

"What the hell?" Raphael suddenly cried out, and Leonardo and Carrie looked at him, both of them forgetting he was still there.

"Shit, why don't you two just start singin' about rainbows and go skippin' through the fuckin' dasies together!" He whipped around and headed for his bike.

"Raph, wait!" Carrie cried out and chased after him. She caught him by his left elbow and turned him to face her. "We still need to talk about this!"

He pulled free from her and glared. "Talk? About what? We ain't got shit ta talk about! I ain't got a fuckin' thing ta say to him, and I sure as _hell_ ain't gotta a fuckin' thing ta say ta _you_! Now get outta my way!"

"No!" Carrie pulled him back and stepped into his face. " I'm sick of you acting like some bad ass who acts like he doesn't give a shit about anyone!"

"Gee, and all this time I thought you didn't know a thing about me!" Raphael remarked sarcastically. Carrie felt her blood boil, her face flushed red, and she stepped back, her arms crossing over her chest in frustration.

" You are unbelievable. You really are a heartless bastard."

Raphael sucked in a deep breath and narrowed his eyes. Leonardo took a few steps backward as he saw the fire return to his brother's eyes.

"Heartless, huh? Of all people, _you_ should know everything about being heartless!"

"Excuse me?" Carrie's mouth gapped open. " How dare you-,"

"You fuckin' kissed my brother! How does that not count for being heartless?" Raphael jumped at Carrie, his face mere inches from hers. "Ya wanted him ta _fuck_ _you_! And don't tell me any different cause I heard it all!"

"Why do you care anyway?" Carrie screamed back, her words coming out in sobs. Her eyes began to leak once again. "You don't love me! You don't care about me like I do for you! You never did! You just wanted...you're a pig just like all of those other jerks I've met in my life!" She felt her legs get weak and she crumbled to her knees. "I was ready for something real this time! I wanted to feel good about my life, about myself! I wanted to have a love like-like-,"

"Like what?" Raphael said, his voice calmer but his anger still noticeable.

"Like what I give my characters in my book!" Carrie shouted, not caring how foolish she might have sounded. " For years I've been giving them this great love that couldn't be touched by anything while I've been going through hell! I was jealous of them! And then you came along, and..."

Carrie looked up at Raphael, their eyes locking for the first time.

"I felt that with you, and it scared me. I didn't want to feel that way about you. I knew we could never have a normal relationship. But the more I got to know you, the deeper I feel for you, and nothing mattered me to me than just being with you."

She wiped a few tears away, then reached up and grabbed Raphael's right hand.

"Please, Raph. You have to forgive me for what I did. I was scared, and...and angry at myself, not at you. I shouldn't be so needy and dependent. I don't need to hear you tell me how you feel. I _felt_ it anyway. I _know_ what we had was real. I was just too stupid to realize that someone really did feel that way about me. Please, _please_ forgive me. I love you."

Raphael stayed silent, his eyes unchanged as he continued to stare at Carrie. But when he finally spoke, his tone remained cold and unwavering.

"Ya wanna know why I couldn't tell ya? It's cause I didn't know how. I can't open up just like that. And ya know what I hate the most? It's people like you and _him_-" he pointed sharply at Leonardo. "-who expect me to! Don't force me inta it, I'll came around eventually. But you gotta understand somethin', Carrie. I wanted to. I really did. But cause of my stubborn jackass ways, I couldn't. So maybe that's somethin' that I gotta get rid of. Work on it, ya know."

Carrie started to smile but stopped as Raphael jerked her to her feet, almost pulling her arm out of its socket.

"But no matter how much I love you, there is _nothin_' that you or him could say ta me to make me forget about what you two did. Hope you guys have a great life together."

He carelessly tossed Carrie back down to the ground, jumped onto the leather seat of his bike and revved the engine. The bike roared loudly and after Raphael walked the bike around in a half circle, he had forgotten about the barn doors. He jumped off the bike to open them, but found Leonardo in his way.

"Raph! Don't you dare leave!"

"Get outta my way, Leo!"

Leonardo shoved his feet deeper into the dirt and stood his ground. "We're supposed to leave together! It's too dangerous for you to go by yourself!"

"I don't care if I get caught! _I don't fuckin' care anymore_!" Raphael pushed Leonardo against the doors, tears filling in his eyes. "_Get out of my way_!"

Raphael let go of his brother and jumped back on the bike. It sailed through the open doors and out into the snow, giving Leonardo only split second to move out of his way. He fell to the ground, and was only able to catch sight of the back tire as it disappeared around Carrie's house.

"Raph!"

Leonardo stumbled to his feet and ran into the blaring sunlight, the wind whipping harder than ever. He pushed himself over the tracks made by the bike, all the way to the end of Carrie's gravel driveway. The snow that had became stuck to the ruts in the tires left a path on the blacktop road, and Leonardo stayed there until the sun had melted it all away, not sure if he would ever see his brother alive again.


	19. Chapter Nineteen: Revenge

Chapter Nineteen: Revenge

"...and we are now just twenty minutes away from welcoming in the new year, and I have to say that the crowd below me in Times Square is just _unbelievable_, folks! Just masses and masses of people!"

Carrie slowly sipped at the glass goblet in her hand, the slight bitterness of the red wine inside tingling as it slid down her throat. The young blonde man on the television continued to talk to his co-host, but Carrie paid no attention to the words they were saying. To her it was like every other New Year's Eve she had spent since she left her home in California. She would be alone again; bitter like an old spinster when the camera showed happy couples kissing under the lights of downtown Manhattan. Barry had always invited to come down to the city and watch the ball drop in person. But out of her own self pity, she would always decline.

This year was no different. Barry made his usually inquiry over the phone, asking to the point of begging before Carrie burst into tears and confessed about the events that had occurred only a few days before. She sobbed most when it came to talking about Raphael, and how none of his other family members had seen him. Her worries were also increased by Leonardo, who hadn't stepped a foot out of the barn since his brother left, feeling, but not really confessing, that it was painful to be around Carrie at all. But like the good friend Barry was, he told her to keep her chin up, and that things will be all right. Afterward he told Carrie that he would spend the holiday with her, promising a night of drinking and creating chaos in town of Lake Placid. Carrie laughed at Barry's teenage-like plans, but it did keep a smile on her face and her mind on other things while waiting for that night to come.

The sound of a heavy banging on her front door popped Carrie thoughts. Sitting down her glass of wine, she unbundled her feet from the down feather comforter she was covered up with and walked lightly across the carpet, pulling the sleeves of her zipper hoodie up over her shoulders. Before opening the door, Carrie began to glance out the peephole, but remembered that since her dusk-to-dawn light blew, she wouldn't be able to see anything. The banging on the door continued, the pounding set in a constant rhythm that made Carrie's ears ring. She smiled, thinking Barry was playing some sort of stupid joke at her expense, and with a twist of her wrist, Carrie turned the door knob and stepped back. The smile instantly dropped from her face.

"Hey Carrie. What's goin' on?"

Leaning against the doorframe with his closed fist poised at the spot where the knocking had come from, Mark gave Carrie a wink then a huge smile that seemed like it had been cut from someone else and plastered on his face.

"Mark?" Carrie gasped. "What-what are you doing here?"

"Freezing my nuts off. You gonna let me in or what?"

Carrie wrinkled her brow at how slurred Mark's usually prompt speech was, and she started to feel fear crept back up as he staggered past her and into the living room.

"This place never changes!" Mark exclaimed, his arms shooting into the air, then slumping back down. "Everything's the fucking same!"

"Why are you here, Mark?" Carrie asked with an angry sigh, her fingers tightening on the door knob.

"Oh, yeah," Mark turned around, his eyes wide like he was stuck in a firing squad. "I was at this kick ass party in town, and I was thinking-I was like, 'man, I should go get Carrie cause she needs to get out and have some fun.' So I walked out here to get you."

"You _walked_?" Carrie's mouth dropped. "It's twenty-some degrees outside! And that's like a three-hour walk from town." She then pointed at the black sweater he was wearing. "And where is your coat?"

Mark gave Carrie another smile, his eyes seeming to drop down his face. "You always worried about me. I missed that."

He then stretched out his arms and pulled Carrie against his chest, holding her so tightly that Carrie thought she would pass out from lack of oxygen.

"Mark, what is going on? Are you drunk?"

The smile only grew as he pulled her back. "Naw, man. I got some great shit from Jackson at the party-,"

"Oh Mark," Carrie shook her head, her worries escalating. "You didn't . . . "

Mark paid no attention to the sad look on Carrie's face and nodded happily. " He's got the best X I ever had! I feel so fucking great! I got some more if you want it."

"Okay, Mark, it's time for you to leave. I call someone to come get you." Carrie dropped down from his gasp and pushed him toward the door. But when she had almost shoved him back out in the cold, Mark grabbed onto the inside door frame, his fingers sinking into the drywall like an anchor in the sandy ocean bed. Carrie stepped back, wanting so much to take the opportunity of his position to punch him in the back of the head and scream at him for all the hurt he caused her. It was the sound of Mark sobbing that made Carrie's too-kind heart swell and forget her anger.

"She left me, Care." He whimpered into his shoulder. " That damn French whore fuckin' left me."

"Why?" Carrie took his bait and turned him to face her.

"I don't know." Mark paused to sniffle and wipe at his nearly invisible tears. "She was a bitch anyway, a fucking snob. Probably only after my family's money."

He pulled Carrie back to his chest and stroked her hair.

"Not you though, Care. My little Care Bear. You never cared about how rich I was. You always loved me no matter what. You were always so nice to everyone. You are the sweetest person ever. Ever, ever, ever."

Carrie couldn't help but giggle at Mark's drug-induced babbles, but his words affected her nonetheless. She let herself melt into his body, her hands circling around his strong back, and she let out a long sigh. She wasn't sure if it was her heart or the bottle of wine she had just finished that warmed her body, but Carrie thought that any moment she would melt from the heat she was letting off. Mark was also becoming warmer from the fire in front of them, and his hands set her back on fire as he rubbed her spine.

"I was so stupid to let you go, Carrie. So stupid." He then let out a sigh that almost mocked the one Carrie had let escape. "We were so good together, you know, so good. We were like, like a fuckin' king and queen around that redneck town!"

Carrie giggled again, her head swimming with mixed feelings. "No we weren't."

"Hell yeah we were!" Mark roared. "We made everyone jealous, you know. I know that all them ski freaks, all them snobby girls on the skis. Yeah, they were jealous of you."

"Mark, you're just saying that." Carrie leaned back and looking into Mark's green eyes, her vision almost as blurred as his seemed to be. Mark moved his hand behind Carrie's neck and leaned down to kiss it, his lips lightly grazing over her flushed skin. She closed her eyes and shivered at his touch.

"Naw, I wouldn't just say that, Care Bear. You know I still love you. I still wanna be with you." He kissed her again, making a trail up to her mouth. "Maybe we should give it another try. I promise I won't cheat on you. You know I'm a good guy. You know I'm good."

He shoved his lips to hers, his tongue diving into her mouth. This kiss was so intense that Carrie felt her body go limp in his arms. She ran her hands up his chest and into his hair, grabbing a handful of his blonde locks to push his kiss deeper. They stumbled backward toward the couch and as soon as Mark had Carrie on her back, he pulled off his sweater and unzipped his jeans, revealing a hint of his black boxers. His mouth went back to Carrie's neck, his hands aggressively tearing off her hoddie and the grey T-shirt she was wearing. He started to take of her sweats when Carrie pulled his hands back up to hers, moving his mouth back to hers. He gave her a short peck, then moved his hands over her breasts and down to the elastic band on her pants. Carrie growled and pulled his hands back up.

"Mark, don't rush it." She pleaded. " Don't you want to take your time?"

"What?" Mark asked, looking at her like she was an alien from another planet. "Oh, uh, yeah. Sure. But you know how wild we used to be? Why can't we do that? Like old times, right?"

Carrie pushed her brows together and frowned. "I know, but wouldn't it better if we _enjoyed _it? I think that would be so great. We haven't been together in a long time."

Mark hung his head down and sighed in frustration. "Care Bear, come on. We'll have plenty of other times to take it slow. Don't you wanna just get out all that-that, what the fuck do they call it? Pent-up energy? You haven't had sex in like what? Two years?"

Carrie couldn't help to giggle again in her fuzzy, overwhelmed state. " Actually it's more like two weeks, but whose's counting?"

Mark's face dropped, his green eyes narrowing. "What? Who have you been fucking behind my back? That faggot friend of yours swing both ways now or what?"

"Behind _your_ back?" Carrie gasped in disgust, pushing Mark off of her. She sat up, pulling her shirt over her bra as her alcohol-induced fantasy began to fall apart. "_You_ were the one who was fucking everyone in town behind _my_ back! _You_ were the one fucking Katie Jacobson while we were engaged! _You_ were the one who used me and-and fucking degraded me!"

She stood up, replacing her shirt over her head, not caring about the tears that were running down her face.

"You have no _idea_ how much you hurt me, Mark, and to beat it all, I don't think you even give a shit about how other people feel! You're only out for what you want, even if it means stepping all over someone else! Well, you know what? I'm _not_ your fucking doormat anymore! Whatever misery you're living with now was brought on by your own jackass, egotistical actions, and I'm not going to clean up after you this time! Not now! Not _ever_!"

Mark just sat still, his green eyes dead to the emotions Carrie was showing.

"How dare you come to my house, high as a kite, thinking I would take you back just so you could get some! I'm not a whore, especially not _your_ whore! And you know what else? I _was_ involved with someone! Someone who is a thousand times over the man you could ever be! He was the best thing that happened to me! I love him more than anything in this world! But because of how you treated me, all of those scars you inflicted on me, I made a horrible mistake that made him leave me!"

Carrie stopped to take a deep breath, then leaned a little closer to Mark's stone face.

"And stop calling Barry a _faggot_!"

"Are you done now?" Mark asked bluntly, his face still unchanged.

"Get out of my house. Now!" Carrie turned for the dining room to retrieve the phone, but suddenly found herself thrown back down to the couch, Mark's strong body holding her down. Panic started to set in as Carrie saw his eyes change colors, the green turning almost black.

"You got a lot of nerve talking to me like that." He grabbed her arms and held them down at her sides. "You know I don't like it when you get in my face and yell at me. Don't you remember the last time you did that?"

Carrie gritted her teeth and strained to free her arms. " Don't you dare touch me! You have no right to come into my home and threaten me!"

Mark balled up his fist and brought it down to Carrie's jaw, hitting her right below her bottom lip. Carrie's head turned with the blow, and she immediately screamed in pain. A gush of blood filled her mouth where her bottom teeth had cut into the inside of her mouth. Her stomach began to churn; fear, her nerves and the taste of her own blood all battling to see who would make her sick first. She felt Mark sit back on her and grabbed the hand that carried her still sore knuckles; the bruises faint, but still noticeable.

"Poor Carrie. She's got quite a mouth on her. I remember she used to be so quiet, never talked back at all. I taught you that remember? I taught you not to talk back to me. I bet you remember now."

He studied her hand, pressing down on the bones as he spoke. Carrie sobbed louder, her concentration on the fire across the room.

"Raph," Carrie whispered, a stream of blood from her mouth trickling down to the floor. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"Hey! I'm fuckin' talking to you, you stupid bitch!" Mark wrapped his other hand around Carrie's neck and pulled her face toward his. Carrie closed her eyes again as Mark nuzzled her with his nose, placing a few light kisses on her cheek bone.

"You're so pretty. Prettiest thing I've ever seen in my life." He yanked her head around again, forcing her eyes to open and look into his. "Best lay I ever had too. You remember how good it was? You gave into everything I wanted." His eyes then moved slowly down her breasts and to the space between her legs, licking his bottom lip before making eye contact with Carrie again.

"Just face it, Carrie. You are a whore. You can't love anyone. You just want someone to fuck your brains out. Why do you think I was with you in the first place? Someone as fucked up in the head as you are is only good for one thing."

"Please, Mark," Carrie wept uncontrollably. " I'm sorry. Just-just please . . . stop. Please leave me alone."

Mark's lips parted into a smile, one that was so cold and void of feeling that it made Carrie's blood turn to ice.

" Not until I get what I came here for."

Before Carrie could blink, Mark had her pinned to the couch. Her screams were silenced by another punch, after which he tore her shirt in half and jerked off her sweat pants. Carrie looked back into the fire, her vision blurred from her tears and from swelling under her left eye. She let her body go numb to his touches, as she had secretly done dozens time before with him while they were dating. All the times she had bragged to Barry about how great their sex life was, it was nothing but lies that covered up how dirty and shameful Mark made her feel. She _had_ been a whore, nothing more than a body that Mark used to get off with.

A sudden thought passed through her head. What if she had told Barry the truth? Would she have been freed of Mark back then and not have carried so much guilt on her shoulders? Would she have not been confused about her feelings? Would she have not fallen so hard for both Raphael and Leonardo, and in turn expect so much from them? Would Raphael still be in her arms if the past had never come back to haunt her? Thinking of the look of torment on Raphael's face as he left the barn made Carrie close her eyes, wishing that Mark would end up killing her instead, feeling that being dead would be better than going on living the life she had.

Mark ripped Carrie's white panties on one side, then pulled down his pants a little more, showing the bugle that was ready to explode from the open seam of his boxers.

"Just like old times, huh, baby?" Mark whispered, his tongue lapping around her earlobe. He pushed her legs apart, thrilled that Carrie was in full submission, and he positioned himself, ready to get what he felt he deserved. Carrie held her breath and the vomit in her gut, and prayed that her nightmare would soon be over.

"Holy fuck!"

Carrie opened her eyes as Mark was pulled backward, almost fully suspended into the air by the three green fingers that held on tightly to his neck. Mark screamed and cursed again, desperately clawing at the hand that held him. He was then slammed to the floor, the side of his head colliding with the coffee table as he fell. His vision was slightly blurred, but he could make out the large green shadow that towered over him.

"Leo!" Carrie sobbed and reached out for him, clinging to the sides of her underwear so not to expose herself.

"Carrie, are you okay?" Leonardo pulled her into his arms and held her tightly for a moment before examining her face.

"Don't worry about me!" Carrie jumped out of his arms and pulled up her sweat pants. "I have to call the cops on him. He's not getting away with this again!"

Leonardo glared at the body on the floor, holding himself back from kicking Mark in the head.

"Where the fuck is my phone?" Carrie shrieked, her hands shaking as she tore through the living room. "Where is it? Where did I put it?" She stopped at Mark and kicked him in the ribs. "Bastard! I hate you! _I fucking hate you_!"

"Carrie, calm down," Leonardo stopped her mad fit and held her. "Just take a deep breath and relax."

"But he-," Carrie pointed at Mark, then cried into Leonardo's shoulder.

"Just take it easy. Everything's okay now." He looked into her face, the lines of worry more noticeable when his eyes hit the swellings of her eye and jaw.

"In the kitchen," Carrie blubbered. "It's in the kitchen."

Leonardo offered Carrie a smile then turned to the kitchen, finding the phone on the counter next to the sink. When he returned to the living room, to his horror he found Mark back on his feet, one hand pushing over Carrie's mouth and the other holding a gun that was pointed right at his face. Carrie whimpered under Mark's hand when her eyes meet Leonardo's.

"Don't fuckin' move, you freak!"

"Let her go!" Leonardo took a step forward, wincing as Mark pushed the revolver to Carrie's temple.

"I said don't fucking move! I'll blow her brains all over the wall!" Mark took a few steps backwards, dragging Carrie with him. "I swear if you even think about stopping me, I'll shoot her!"

Leonardo looked into Carries' fearful eyes, then suddenly gave her a wink. "Okay, all right. I won't stop you."

Carrie then screamed and wiggled around as Mark pulled her out in the snow, the cold instantly burning her bare feet. She felt beyond hopeless, and deeply sickened that Leonardo had not done anything to stop Mark. But she couldn't help but think of the look of reassurance he had given her as Mark dragged her around the house and into the darkness of the woods.

"So is that your new guy, Carrie? The one that you _love_ so much?" Mark spit out in disgust. "This only proves how sick you are. Going after fucking aliens and shit."

He threw Carrie to the ground, leaving the gun pointed at her head.

"Turtle." Carrie blurted out, not caring if he did pull the trigger on her.

"What? What did you fucking say? I thought I told you to keep your mouth _shut_!" He bent down and pushed the barrel to her forehead. " And he doesn't _love_ you. If he did, you think he would have let me drag you out here? He's just after what you got down there between your legs, Carrie. That's all. So fucking forget all that love shit!"

"Never." Carrie mumbled, her arms folding to keep her body warm, but she was rapidly losing to the shivers that ran over her. "I thought I was in love with you once, but that was before I found out what you really were. You're the whore, Mark. You are the one who is afraid of being close to someone. That's why you cheated on me."

"I said _shut up_!" Mark screamed, pushing the gun so hard into Carries' forehead that it almost knocked her backwards.

"I don't care if you shoot me," Carrie whispered. "My life has been wasted on the shame and guilt I brought upon myself. I lost the one person-," she paused, then corrected herself. "-the one _turtle_ I ever truly cared about, the one I really loved wholeheartedly. Go ahead and take my life, Mark. I don't have anything to live for anymore."

"Now I wouldn't say that."

They both froze, and Mark slowly raised his eyes to the treetops. "What the fuck? Who said that?"

Mark focused his eyes on a large shadow that sat above him in the tree, the lights from the quarter moon catching the fire that burn in its eyes. The gun slid out of Mark's grasp and he started to back away, but found himself knocked to the ground as Raphael descended on top of him. He flipped to his feet, then stepped over Mark and grabbed his shoulders, twisting him violently onto his back. Carrie gasped and cried out, finding it hard to believe that Raphael was standing right in front of her.

"Listen ta me, you sick little piece of shit!" Raphael growled into Mark's face. "You got some nerve comin' up here, thinkin' you can get a piece of ass from her! Ya don't have any idea how many times I've stopped stupid assholes like you from rapin' girls like her! It makes me sick. _You_ make me sick!"

He then dragged Mark across the snow by the belt loop of his jeans and shoved his face into Carrie's.

"Look at her! She's a fuckin' mess cause of you! Not just on the outside, but inside too!"

Raphael jerked Mark away from Carrie and threw him back to the snow, straddling his body as he kneeled down into his face.

"Now how about I make ya look as bad as she does? Would ya like that? Mess up that pretty face of yers. Yeah, that'll make all them girls just come runnin' to yer door." Raphael balled his fist up and raised it high over his head.

"No!" Mark cried. "Please don't!"

Raphael lowered his fist, then began to laugh. "Ya know, that's what I've heard them girls say to their attackers too. Funny how they never really listen do it." His fist rose and Mark once again screamed, his arms raised to try to block the hit, but it never came. He lowered his arms and found Raphael holding the gun in his hand.

"And this, my friend, is just wrong. I don't know what's worse, punchin' a girl or pointin' a gun to her face! Why are ya makin' this worse for yerself? " He wrapped his thick forefinger around the trigger and held it to Mark's terrified face. "How's it feel ta be on the other side, pal?"

Mark's mouth flapped, but no sound came out.

"Ya feel like a _man_ now, Marky Mark? Ya feel all big and bad now?" Raphael grinned wickedly.

"No." Mark whimpered.

"No?" Raphael repeated, his brow arching in false shock. "Well, ain't that about shitty." He tossed the gun into the woods, withdrew one of his sai in a quick motion, and held the point between Mark's eyes.

"How about now?" Raphael growled deep in his throat as he slowly turned the point deeper into Mark's skin, spilling a trickle of blood down the bridge of Mark's nose. " Ya feel like a tough guy? Or are ya about ta shit yer pants?" He pulled the sai back, then held it over the teeth of Mark's open zipper.

"How about I just take away what ya think makes ya a man?" Raphael motioned to Mark's crouch with his eyes.

Mark shook his head violently, but found his shaky hands refused to cover himself. "Please, don't! I'll never touch her again! I'll- I won't go near her! I swear! Just- don't- don't do that!"

Raphael tucked his sai under his wrist, grabbed a handful of Mark's blonde hair, then yanked him closer.

"You better not, you little punk." Raphael whispered with a devilish grin. "Cause if I ever hear about it, plan on not bein' able ta jerk-off for a _long_ time. Got me?"

Without waiting for an answer, Raphael threw Mark back, smiling as the stunned man slumped into a fidgeting ball. He turned his attention to Carrie, who was still in awe at the sight of him and his actions. They stared each other down for what seemed like an eternity, both of them unable to find the right words to say. The sound of distant police sirens broke the silence between them, and Raphael finally spoke.

"Ya better get back inside."

Carrie turned her head as four local police cruisers pulled into her gravel driveway, knowing that Leonardo had made the call for her. But when she turned back to speak to Raphael, he was nowhere to be found. Forcing herself to her feet as the cops reached her front door, Carrie stumbled back across the snow in her frozen feet, ultimately knowing that things had finally worked out for her.

Hours later as the clock on the entertainment center struck four in the morning, Carrie, who was fully dressed again, bid the police officers a final farewell. She leaned against the inside of her door, her expression unchanged as Mark stared at her from the back of one of the cruisers. She let out a long sigh, knowing she would have to again see him in court the following month, but knew that he would finally be out of her life forever. The cops told her that he would be put in jail for a long time based on the drugs in his pocket on top of the assault charges Carrie filed on him. Carrie almost laughed as Mark was being cuffed, not only from getting the needed justice, but from his raving about the giant turtle that threatened to castrate him; a severe hallucination from the ecstasy, as she had told the police.

Carrie closed the door, turning to lean her back on it, and she pushed her bangs from her eyes. She inhaled deeply, noticing that the smells of the burning embers from the fireplace seemed sweeter. The white walls around her looked brighter. Carrie even felt lighter, like the stone that had been rolled over her soul was gone, but she knew she had one more thing to finish before she could really feel free.

She ventured out onto the back porch, finding Leonardo and Raphael preparing the bike for their trip. Carrie felt bad for not making them something to eat on the way up to New Hampshire, but knew that eating was the last thing on theirs minds. A smile found its way on Carrie's lips as she watched the two brothers laughing and making jokes with each other. It reminded her of how they were before things became complicated with lies and pain, and some more tears came to her eyes. They turned to look at her, and Raphael seemed to motion at Leonardo to wait on him. Leonardo nodded, them smiled at Carrie, and she returned it with a warm feeling in her heart.

"So," Raphael started when he joined her side. "I guess this is it, huh?"

"Yes." Carrie said with a nod as she bit her bottom lip to hold her tears back.

Raphael shuffled around, his eyes glued to the floor. Carrie almost wanted him to not talk and just leave, but knew he wouldn't.

"Look, about me runnin' off like that-," he rubbed his hands together furiously. "I gotta bad habit of it, ya know. But it helps me think about things, and-and, uh . . . shit." Raphael then smiled and laughed at himself. "I told ya I fuckin' stink at this."

Carrie giggled and let only a few tears fall. " No, you don't." She took his hands into hers, and their eyes locked in a passionate gaze. "Just speak from your heart. Tell me what it says."

Raphael's brow wrinkled, then softened as he took Carrie's advice.

"I love you."

The tears broke free all at once as Carrie fell into his arms. "I love you too, Raph."

Raphael placed his hand on Carrie's head, pushing her closer to the rapid beating of his heart, and he closed his eyes.

"I'm sorry I never told ya before. I wanted ta so bad . . . I got scared. I've never let myself feel this way about anyone. I didn't want ta give into it. But with you," he pulled her chin up to look back into her eyes. "It was so easy with ya. And don't think I'm some wuss when I tell ya yer the best thing that ever happened ta me."

Carrie laughed, then felt sadness creep over her as she looked at Leonardo. " And about what I did to you and Leo, I can't tell you how bad I feel about it. Or how ashamed I am of myself."

"Hey, don't think about that, okay?" Raphael demanded. "I was pissed at first, but after Leo and me talked about it, he made me realize that he's got shit to deal with, and he needs some help doin' it. It'll take some time for us ta get over it, of course, but it'll happen. Just like it always does. No matter how much we want to hate each other, we can't do it."

"And what about me? About what everything I did?" Carrie asked, her face lined with worry.

"Babe, if I was still pissed at ya, ya think I would be standin' here talkin' about it?" Raphael smirked, then examined the bruises on her face. " After what that fucker did ta ya, I don't care anymore. I really _should _have cut his dick off."

Carrie sighed, feeling too tired to laugh anymore, and instead shook her head. "It will heal, just like all of my other scars will. I've got some of my own shit to deal with too."

Raphael nodded, then lower his eyes to the space between their feet. "So I guess this means ya ain't even thinkin' about comin' with me then."

"What?" Carrie asked in a shocked, almost disgusted tone, but then explained herself as Raphael frowned and a look of hurt spread across his face. " Raph, you know as well as I do that I can't do that."

"I know, I know," Raphael recalled Leonardo's words. "It ain't fair ta _you_, it wouldn't be fair ta my family. You got yer own life, we got ours. Blah, blah, blah. I know that, but-," His fingers softly brushed Carrie's cheek, tracing the lines made by her tears. "How the hell am I gonna get by without ya? I won't be able ta stand not seeing yer face when I wake up or being able ta hold you, or-"

Tears soaked through his mask and this only made Carrie's heart break a little bit more. "You will, just like I'll find a way to get by without _you_." She patted his cheek, then caressed it with her fingertips, her teeth anchoring her quivering bottom lip. "Maybe you should go so this doesn't get any harder for us."

"Yeah, yeah I should go. We need ta start before the sun comes up." Raphael began to loosen his tight grip on Carrie's waist, but then pulled her into his lips for a deep and emotional kiss, one that placed goose bumps on her arms and more tears to her face.

"Maybe we'll run inta each other someday," Raphael said as he pulled away from Carrie and slowly stepped off the porch, his hands refusing to let go of her until he was back on the snowy ground. "Maybe finish what we started."

"Maybe." Carrie replied sadly, knowing deep down that they never would. She smiled at Leonardo and blew him a kiss. "Take care, Leo. You are truly one of my best friends. I'll miss you."

"As will I with you." He said with a bow, then climbed on the bike behind Raphael. The kickstand went up, and Raphael gave Carrie one final look before cranking the throttle and steering the bike past the barn and into the woods, taking her heart right along with him as he disappeared from her sight.


	20. Chapter Twenty: Closure

Chapter Twenty: Closure

"_Luke, this is all just a dream, isn't it?"_ _Jackie whispered into his ear as they embraced. "I'll wake up any minute now and everything will be gone."_

"_Not this time, my love," Luke caressed Jackie's hair and wondered how he could have forgotten how soft it was. "Nothing is going to keep us apart ever again."_

_Jackie smiled, then pulled back to glance down at the blonde haired baby that slept in the bassinet beside them. She gently touched his cheek, and felt a few tears escape, then looked back into the blue eyes of the man she loved with all her heart. _

_She slipped from Luke's arms and moved to the window of the bedroom that overlooked the vast fields of her father's property, which was now rightfully hers. Never again would Jackie be held down by her past, or battered by the haunting memories of her dead mother and cruel stepfather. She was free to live the life that she was meant to have, and nothing would ever take it away again._

_Jackie felt Luke wrap his arms around her, and she closed her eyes as his lips brushed her cheek, thanking the heavens and stars above that her one true love had come back to stay. _

_Everything was finally right with the world._

_The End._

"Are you ready, Carrie?"

Carrie pushed the top of her laptop down and looked up at Barry, her eyes sparkling above her fading bruises in the bright sunlight. The early winds of March picked up a little, carrying with the scents of pollen and newly grown pine needles. She took a minute to watch a couple of burly men lift her couch into the moving truck before answering Barry.

" I feel so nervous, Barry." She stood up and shoved her laptop into the black duffel bag next to her. She glanced at the '_For Sale'_ sign on her the front lawn as Barry took her hand and guided her down the front steps.

"You'll be fine once you're settled in. Boston is a great place to live!" He gave her a quick hug. "And you know I'll be around to help you, just like before."

"I still can't believe someone finally took my manuscript!" Carrie beamed. " They're giving me a contract, and a huge apartment . . . it's all so much! I don't deserve it!"

"You deserve this more than anyone, Girlie, so you better get used to it!" Barry opened the passenger door of his Jaguar and stepped back to let Carrie climb in.

"I suppose." Carrie sighed, then laughed at the dirty look Barry flashed her.

"We ready to roll, Miss?" One of the movers asked from the truck as his partner checked the trailer hitch that held Carrie's SUV. "We got everything outta the house."

Carrie searched the property for a moment, then stepped back away from the car. "Hang on. There's something else I have to check before we go."

Barry shut the car door and followed Carrie as she crunched through the snow to the barn behind her house. They stepped inside together, but Barry stayed by the doors while Carrie traveled to the middle of the barn floor, knowing that Carrie needed some time to say farewell to the ghostly memories of her friends.

Carrie walked to the CB radio first, touching the microphone with her fingertips before patting the metal top. Her eyes went next to the dismantled old tractor in the other corner, then up to the hayloft. She climbed the ladder, aware that Barry was watching her with a confused look on his face.

When she reached the top, Carrie found the nest of scattered straw between the high rows and laid down with her cheek touching the floor. She closed her eyes and smiled, still able to feel the distant warmth that Raphael had left behind. All at once Carrie could see him again, his fiery brown eyes and the smile that had always brought her to her knees. She threw her arms around her chest, holding onto the feeling of being in his strong grasp. Her body ached for him then, and she embraced the warmth that grew between her legs as she thought of their passionate lovemaking. Carrie then opened her eyes, hoping that Raphael would be there suddenly, but she only found the endless bundles of hay, and she let a few tears fall down her face.

"Come on, Girlie. We have to get going!"

Barry's voice broke through her daydreams and brought her back to reality. She sat up, then turned to find something shiny under the hay bail behind her. She reached down and pulled out Raphael's pair of sai along with a small folded piece of paper. Carrie at once began to cry as she cuddled the metal weapons to her chest, and her hands shook wildly while she opened the note.

_Carrie,_

_Now you can't say I wouldn't let you use them, but you better not mess them up. I'll be back for them someday._

_Love you forever and always,_

_Raphael_

Carrie folded the note back, then stood and walked back to the ladder, clutching the sai with no intention of letting them go. Barry arched an eyebrow curiously, but let it drop after Carrie showed him the biggest smile he had ever seen. He returned the gesture, then squeezed her shoulders as the walked back toward the car. She climbed in without saying another word, but let out a long sigh that told Barry she was truly happy. Carrie did turn to glance back at her house, taking it as a symbol of leaving her old life behind, and as they turned onto the main road that would carry her to her new future, she knew that everything was finally right with the world.

The End


End file.
